Thanks to major corporate shoe conglomerates, intellectual masturbation at the nation’s top schools just got even easier.

Later this January, the shoe brand New Balance launches a new “Ivy League” collection of its H710 styles, with sneaker options for each of Hahvahd, Princeton, Columbia, Dartmouth, the University of Pennsylvania, and Brown. Notice anything missing from that list? Oh yeah, Yale and Cornell – obvs not elite enough to roll with us real Ivy Leaguers.

So, in case any of us forgets for even a second how Uniquely Smart And Special we are to attend The Undisputed Best University Among the Undisputed Larger Collection of Best Universities in the World, we need only look at our footwear.

GUYS CHECK OUT MY SHOES I GO TO HARVARD

Leave it to the Fox Sports Network to measure the Harvard-Yale rivalry where it matters the most: in the Geek department. Investigating the Harvard-Yale tailgate, a reporter pitted some Crimson fans against the Bulldogs in a mission to find out which team could out-geek the other.

The video is a follow-up of last year’s popular debut attempt, appropriately titled “Geeks Gone Wild,” featuring some fresh faces including a first-year member of the Expressions Dance Company who surely knows how to dougie, and a Varsity Squash player who uses words like “alternate reality” to explain the ending of Lost.

SPOILER ALERT! (Not that it matters to anyone) Harvard won the Geek-Off by a landslide, and we’re a little ashamed to admit that this victory tastes somewhat sweeter than the one on the football field. Granted, we also had one too many sips of Four Loko to understand what was going on down there as fully masked players fought over a tiny ball. (Seriously, what is the point of watching a game with hot athletes if you can’t even see their faces?)

However, we must say that last year’s video was slightly more entertaining, featuring an out-of-the-world Math geek whose familiarity with Pi made us proud, French geeks (they’re European!), and half-naked Currierites jumping up and down.

Check out the new Geeks Gone Wild II video here: We beat Yale at everything.

A party was busted at Yale and five students were arrested. The party was held at Elevate, a nightclub downtown, and the students were arrested for underage drinking. According to the Yale Daily News, “more than a dozen New Haven police officers and liquor agents raided the downtown nightclub where the event took place.”

According to the YDN article, it looks like there may have been some police brutality involved, and “according to interviews with about a dozen eye witnesses, one student was Tasered.”

Dang. Like Ke$ha said, “Until the po po shut us down….”

As the new school year begins, a couple of relationship scenarios are coming up more than others. Here’s one of them, in the form of a HarvardFML post from about a month ago:

You probably have a notion that she’s the one, that it’ll be hard but that she’s worth it, and all that jazz – otherwise you wouldn’t even be trying. It’s not what you want to hear, but here it is: you’re not going to make it. Tons of high school couples think they’ll be the exception, the one that lasts. They’re not. You’re not, either. Worse than that, the long-distance relationship is going to drain you and keep you from living life at Harvard to its potential.

But I know you won’t listen to me when I say all of those things. I certainly wouldn’t in your position. So, in all hopelessness, here’s some practical long distance advice instead: Read the rest of this entry »

UGA gives Yale a run for its money for Most Embarrassing Orientation Video Ever. I mean…red polos? Ke$ha?

Are you 4serious?

If you’re going to “officially license” our name, you could at least give credit where it’s due.

I’M JUST SAYING.

[EDIT: order has been restored] Read the rest of this entry »