We heard rumors that yesterday morning, some freshmen found themselves greeted by members of “Leverett House,” with housing day letters and Leverett t-shirts in hand. Except they weren’t members of Leverett House. And those weren’t actually Leverett’s housing day shirts.

Indeed, after some investigation, it looks like the pranksters were none other than members of the Harvard Lampoon. Surpriiiise. The prank caused much commotion throughout Leverett House after it was found that these fake Leverett t-shirts displayed an inappropriate joke connected with the 9/11 tragedy; an image of the Leverett Towers are printed on the shirts with the words “Lever Forget.” Below are photos of the shirt and fake housing day letter.

Um...something tells me this is not OK.

After the jump, an email that was sent to the Leverett community from its House Master, Howard Georgi. Read the rest of this entry »

Adams’ gong was apparently stolen by the “Friends United for Chinese Knicknacks and Against Detention of Ancient Manchurian Stuff” society. Take a moment to spot out the acronym. We wonder if it will find its safe return?

TO THE PRESS: THIS LETTER MUST BE REPRINTED WORD-FOR-WORD OR WHAT’S GONG STAYS GONG.

Cambridge, MA: Friends United for Chinese Knicknacks and Against Detention of Ancient Manchurian Stuff liberates gong

Communique for the Advocacy of Deliverance:

On Saturday, February 27, at 3:30 AM, members of the Fabulous Union of Chinese Keepsakes And Defenders of Apocryphal Mandarin Symbology succeeded in penetrating the Harvard residence known as Adams House and liberating a horribly-mistreated gong from the early Robert Lue dynasty. The glorious actions of Our Brothers and Sisters were provoked by the intelligence we had already gathered on the artifact’s unjust and inhumane internment, in conditions that can only be described as “douche-chilling.” Reports showed that the gong was regularly forced to attend Adams clan meetings in which the savage inhabitants engaged in bloody, ritualistic class-warfare amid the noxious fumes of Axe deodorant and expensive teas. We are also in the possession of audio recordings in which the inbred “pleasure servants” of the Adams community (class of ‘11) repeatedly proposition the gong for sexual activities despite its mute protests for peace and decency.

In the early morning of the 27th of February, our agents encountered little resistance from the poorly-defended hovel, whose very walls reek with sweat and echo the faint smacks of aggressive and unwanted fist-pounds. The “cabinet” was carelessly left unlocked and it was a matter of minutes before we were able to successfully remove its chain bonds using a simple pair of pliers.

Our objective in liberating the gong was not merely to confiscate said property (which admittedly is a mindblowingly-shitty gong) but also to lodge protest against a house marred by numerous ethical and aesthetic violations, which include kicking puppies, wearing tights as pants, and being giant douchecocks in general.

For these reasons we decided to carry out this action on the days preceding the tradition known as Housing Day as a preventative action – we do not wish to see yet another generation of freshmen condemned to assimilate in this house of harlots and scraggly wanna-beards. We strongly believe that action is the most practical way to propagate a belief, and with this in mind we will only consider returning the gong (on loan) to Harvard University if and only if the following conditions are met:

1.) Freshmen facing internment in the Adams House Property shall be given the option to refuse their assignment on ethical grounds.
2.) To discourage rampant “fronting,” residents of Adams are permitted to wear only sackcloth. Wearing a bowtie or other neck adornment is punishable by death.
3.) As it is a privilege, not a right, Adams House dining hall may no longer serve Marshmallow Mateys.
4.) Adams House males must redistribute their condoms to students who actually get laid (you’re not fooling anyone).
5.) Deliver 10 boxes of Pizza Rolls™, 4 cases of Cactus Cooler, and one of your “pleasure servants” (we’re not picky) to Quincy 609 by midnight of Housing Day.

Finally, we wish to salute and send our strength and will to our imprisoned comrades throughout the world, with specific acknowledgement to Juan Carlos and Bei “Milkshake” Xian, who were recently thwarted by fascists in their attempts to liberate the numerous laughing Buddhas from Famous Zhao’s Szechuan Delights: we celebrate your tenacity – fight on, Brothers and Sisters!

A big sloppy,
Cambridge cell of
FIRST UP, CHINA KITE-FLIERS AWAY! DOESN’T ADAMS MUFF SUCK

*For the propagation of the insurrection and the destruction of this disgusting skank-town.

Does Harvard seriously need yet another creepy website? Don’t we foster enough stalking behavior with Isawyouharvard!? Do we really need to “pass notes” now too?! Last time I checked, this was Harvard, not the second grade.

The newest site to hit the big Crimson is Harvard Note Pass. It is an exclusive chat service for Harvard students. You log on and then it enables you to chat with others in your large lecture class.

One: aren’t you supposed to be paying attention?! And two: if that really cute boy wanted to talk to you, you’d have his number or at least be facebook friends—don’t be creepy and start up a convo in the middle of Ec10!

So what do we think? Yay or Nay?

U GUYZZZ I HOPE I GET INTO ELIOT HAUS!!!!!111 NOW SIGN MY SHIRT

We just heard about the most EPIC party. No, seriously. It’s a slumber party. For the freshmen. On the night of March 10th, 2010. Which just happens to coincide with the night of, uh, RIVER RUN.

After reading the description of the event on Facebook, we wanted to weep. Are these the kinds of lies we’re feeding the young ones these days? That the night before Housing Day, you’re supposed to wriggle into your cute jammies, bring a few pillows, and scrawl on cheap Hanes t-shirts with markers that are probably already too dry? That the night before Housing Day, you are to partake in this “much-cherished pre-Housing Day sleepover ritual”? (Note to freshmen: It’s not.)

Listen up, freshmen. The night before Housing Day (called “River Run” for you n00bz) is not meant for your ass to be wiping the gross, pillow-strewn floors of Annenberg whilst decorating cute shirts. The night before Housing Day is a night meant not to be remembered, but blurrily and hazily recalled the morning after (“I puked WHERE last night?!”). The night before Housing Day is a night in which a flask is highly advised. The night before Housing Day is a night  in which you are meant to go wild, party like you’re at a normal college like Tufts, and pay homage to the River Gods in any way possible.

[Disclaimer: The Voice does not endorse underage drinking or vandalism or fires.]

It looks like the College has decided to poop on Housing Day Eve as a whole. See the new policies after the jump. Class of 2013…looks like you’re SOL. Lucky number 13, eh?  Read the rest of this entry »

And it’s no other than the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton.

vs.

(Images courtesy of Google and CNN)

The Yale Daily News article just went live.

Who did Harvard get? CNN’s chief international correspondent and anchor, Christiane Amanpour. I think the fact that I had to check the Harvard Gazette article twice to get her name right says something. Yes, I’m ignorant, but I also came from a communist country in Asia and now live in a dorm with no cable! Granted, Clinton attended Yale Law School and has come back to speak twice in the past ten years, once in 2001 and again in 2008, so it’s not that hard for them to get him. However, it is still pretty undeniable that his name creates way more buzz than Amanpour’s. And if Facebook is any indication, way more excitement in the student body. (It’s BILL FRIGGIN’ CLINTON! OMG!)

Make of that what you will. As for me, I’m booking my bus ticket to New Haven. I might get killed and stuffed in a wall (especially considering the fact that I’m of the same height, stature and ethnic origin as Annie Le), but the risk is worth it.

P/S: Maybe Harvard should go ahead and get Lady Gaga next year. Noice will be very happy. Will you?

Reading FM today one of our staff writers found this little gem:

In case you can’t read that little box quite right, here’s the actual text:
Two true things:
1. Thanks to the Class of 2013, visits to Stillman for alcohol-related issues have reached a historic high
2. The Class of 2013 is the most socioeconomically diverse class in Harvard’s history

Giving no context for these “two true things”, we wonder how FM will defend this. Don’t see what we mean? Publishing these “two true things” is not only totally irrelevant, but implies that the greater socioeconomic diversity at Harvard somehow explains the rise in alcoholism. Transitive property. Y’all are smart, you don’t need us to explain why this is super fucked up.

Not The Body Shop!

five minutes later, headin' back to the truck

After a lovely Sunday Brunch, we arrived back to Straus to five firetrucks, a police car, and dozens of puzzled onlookers wondering what was all the ruckus. Across the street on Mass Ave, firefighters were descending upon CVS and C’est Bon as if they were making a run for Veritaffles. At one point, my roommate and I did wonder if we should evacuate our Straus perch but figured “no alarm, no problem!” Luckily, our Titanic-esque logic was not fatal; just as soon as the hoses were unwrapped and the ladder assembled, everyone started to return to their trucks and drive off. This false alarm hawt mess (no smoke or fire spotted) lasted for only five minutes but was a solid distraction from work and an alarm clock for anyone who might have still been sleepin’ away.  A definite WTF moment, we were still impressed that Cambridge Fire Department hustled up like nobody’s business. Kudos!

Apparently the crazy knife-wielding FOLKS are at it again. Reportedly a man was stabbed in the neck by an unidentified suspect on Dunster Street in Harvard Square before 3 p.m. today. There are also alleged reports that it’s not just one person behind this machete/knife/wtf havoc, but two. One is sporting a butterfly knife while the other is going old school with a box cutter. Last time I checked this wasn’t NEW HAVEN.

http://blogs.wickedlocal.com/cambridge/2010/01/25/man-stabbed-in-neck-on-dunster-st-in-harvard-sq/

Hello Kitty + oil + curlers + snowballs = HUPD's January

Just because you go home, that doesn’t mean that HUPD stops working.  That said, the number of police reports did dramatically diminish over the past few weeks.  The decrease in the student body means fewer parties to shut down and fewer laptop thefts.  Even so, the Harvard Police Logs do not fall short when it comes to stories sure to make you laugh, tremble, or simply wonder.

This report from Christmas Eve is actually quite sad.  Don’t laugh.  That was somebody’s Christmas package.  Just picture somebody using all four of these gifts at once.  How happy would she have been then?

12/24/09 6:12 PM – 95 Prescott St. – Theft Report

Officer dispatched to take a report of items stolen from a package.  The package contained a Hello Kitty pajama set valued at $40.00, olive oil valued at $10.00, hair curlers valued at $35.00, and a snowball maker valued at $15.00. Read the rest of this entry »

UMMMMMM. As I was browsing the lovely world wide web this morning I could not help but notice the following headline “Police Searching for Teenager Armed With Machete in Harvard Square.” Now…I’m all for sensationalism so I’m just going to come right out and say it: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, ‘NAM?! HOW DO YOU EVEN GET A HOLD OF A MACHETE IN 2010!? The linked article reports on the suspect: “‘He is armed with a machete, so use caution,’ said a dispatcher.” WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK. If I see a guy with a suspicious looking baton I’m going to run for the hills–no I don’t care if it has sparkles on it! This is an ALL CAPS what on earth is going on moment. I’m genuinely concerned about going to CVS now since my soda runs could become like running through a war zone. I don’t like that.

“Police have been checking the area of The Pit, Brattle Street, and Harvard Yard,” the article continues. So basically, what this means is DON’T SWIPE ANYONE WITH A MACHETE INTO YOUR DORM. I really don’t like how close all of these locations are to the big H homeland. The report came in over dispatch and the suspect allegedly is “between 16-17 years old, 6 feet tall, with blond hair and a black jacket with white stripes.” What bothers me greatly about this is that he should be learning how to drive, maybe going see Avatar, not wearing stripes (they’re not in season), but he’s instead terrorizing the ‘Bridge with a machete. I don’t like this. Not one bit.

Amateur Guestimation of Suspect's Looks by Me

So, if you see any suspicious activity–like a young man/human/crazy person wielding a CRAZY LARGE knife, call the popo and RUN. I think we all know that talking down a machete wielder, no matter how well you did in Psych, is not a great plan. Flee people. Flee. Or invest in a bodyguard. Hey that kid at Georgetown sent out a personal ad for an assistant–if anyone around the Yard feels like pulling a Watchmen (which I may or may not be currently watching on HBO), and protecting us all (specifically me), from the Machete Man, just hit me up. Via e-mail. Don’t hit me.

Yeah, you read that correctly. Some lady decided to get all creative and completely subvert the whole I AM NOT EATING IN THE MONTHS LEADING UP TO MY WEDDING THING and essentially be buried in her own edible dress. Creative. Well, except for the fact that there wasn’t really a lady who decided to wear this at all, but this was actually an artistic endeavor. POETIC LICENSE MMK. The woman’s name is Lukka Sigurdardottir and I have no idea where she’s from or what motivated her to do this. But it looks DELICIOUS.

Also in case you were bored and wanted to see what Lifetime and Megadeath have in common you should take this quiz to see whether the title is that of a Lifetime movie or a Megadeath song. You will fail. Unless you really like Lifetime and/or Megadeath–in which case, you really should try some new activities. Badminton is really picking up steam again.

In the world of science there is always crazy stuff happening: weird t-shirts, batteries that now run on human blood, and of course…actually I have no idea, I’m of the humanities. I just thought these shirts were FUNNIE….but in that, never actually wear them kind of way. Like a bonnet!

Also, Conan is officially out (though with 32.5 million dollars in the bag). I’m still bitter though because he should have gotten a chance to get the Tonight Show going. AND NBC IS TRYING TO TAKE AWAY HIS INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY like the masturbating bear! FASCISTS! At least there is 3o Rock. If there wasn’t, I would be leading a full blown march from Texas to New York City, channeling the stamina of Forrest Gump and demanding donations from ABC, Fox, CBS, and Dippin’ Dots in case I get hungry.

Last, but certainly not least, the founder of the real liberty bell, Taco Bell, that is, passed away today. Glen W. Bell was 86. May the oceans of heaven overfloweth with Baja Blast good sir. Say hi to the chihuahua for me. We had a thing.