According to this Huffington Post article, Harvard tops the list of colleges at which to major in English. (Incidentally, we are apparently also the haven for those who “hate to do chemistry experiments.”) Institutions we beat out for this prestigious honor include Oxford, Yale, Columbia and Stanford.

So, humanities concentrators: when, in October after graduation, you find yourself sitting catatonically on the couch with eyes glazed over, watching an MTV Jersey Shore marathon at 1 in the afternoon, at least you can take comfort in knowing that, because you went to Harvard, you are definitely the best at it.

Winning, 1636-Present.

Photo credit: theantiyale.blogspot.com, mosaicofart.blogspot.com

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

The five criteria taken into consideration are (excerpts from the actual article):

• The cost: Financial pressure is a huge stress-inducer. Tuition plus room and board, weighted at 35 percent. With 2009-2010 data from the National Center on Education Statistics.

• Competitiveness: How academically rigorous is the school? Weighted at 35 percent, with 2010 data from US News & World Report.

• Acceptance rate: More competitive schools generally produce a more competitive student body. Weighted at 10 percent, with 2010 data from US News & World Report.

• Engineering: Is the school known for its particularly rigorous graduate engineering program? Weighted at 10 percent, with 2010 data from US News & World Report.

• Crime on campus: Adapted from The Daily Beast’s analysis of college crime, weighted at 10 percent and ranked relative to this particular group of colleges. With data from the US Department of Education.

The moral of the story: Harvard is stressful. Also, it snows a lot during the winter in Cambridge. In other words, what else is new?

Comparing the stress levels at premier institutions is like comparing apples and oranges. It’s stressful, period. With acceptance rates hovering around the 10% mark, these schools take in the most intelligent, capable and competitive high school graduates, who will go on to be intelligent, capable and competitive throughout their undergraduate career. They juggle five million tasks at the same time. They seem constantly stressed out. They complain. And then, somehow, they manage to survive. That’s how it works. Did anybody come here expecting a bed of roses?

The most peculiar part of the article, however, is that Harvard has a crime rating of 2 (out of 50), making us the second most dangerous campus in the list, while good ol’ Eli ranks 12 overall, with a crime rating of 9. For the sake of perspectives, the “most crime-ridden” crown belongs to Tufts, while MIT places third. Um, are we missing something here? Why does Boston all of a sudden seem like the dangerous area to go to school? Besides, I don’t remember Cambridge ever rivaling New Haven in the thug department. Bored and procrastinating, I decide to dig deeper and check out their article on college crime. Turns out, the news website also honors Harvard as the 20th most unsafe college, alongside Buffalo State University.

The evaluation reads like a powerful and persuasive indictment. Not.

The nation’s oldest university reported more on-campus crime than any other university on this list. The majority of these crimes were burglaries, and Harvard was also near the top for crimes in nearby public places (mostly robberies, assaults, and vehicular thefts.) Harvard was also the highest among the top 25 in terms of rapes listed, although this is likely because the university is particularly good at getting students to report date and acquaintance rape, and therefore may actually reflect campus safety instead of danger.

If the limit of your study is known, and if it’s acknowledged that the abundance of crime reports at Harvard “may actually reflect campus safety instead of danger,” then why reuse the same flawed result as a basis for another study?  I have a feeling that in this part of Cambridge, the concept of “burglary” might not be too dissimilar from this. On the other hand, when someone who goes to your school is murdered and stuffed in a wall, a case of stolen handphone might seem much less of an issue. Comparing Harvard’s stolen Easter eggs with Yale’s missing person does seem juuust a tad crooked.

Moreover, while it’s true that a year at Harvard costs well over $50,000 in room and board, the university’s excellent financial aid initiative allows a majority of students to receive substantial financial assistance, making a Harvard education affordable.

Finally, the author seems to have forgotten about all the top liberal arts colleges like Williams and Amherst in his list. These schools might also be pressure cookers, methinks. So prefrosh, if you’re reading this and giving Yale the advantage over Harvard in your decision because it’s less stressful and safer, or moving Williams right to the top of your list because “OMG it’s not stressful at all!” then you’re sorely mistaken. Be prepared for a crazy ride! Just know that it will all be worth it in the end.

P.S: Since we’re already discussing stress, let us also remember the recent suicide cases at Yale (ranked #12) and Cornell (ranked #17).