The Voice Vixen is a collective username used by members and non-members of The Voice (girls AND guys) who wish to contribute articles related to sex, relationships, or lack thereof. Email us a piece to get published anonymously at thehvoicemail@gmail.com.

“I settle for a new hookup each weekend since no guy here wants a relationship. FML”

- HarvardFML, November 9, 2010

I’m tired of it. There have been a countless number of FML’s submitted by girls at this college who echo the sentiments of the statement above. Here’s the scenario: girl wants a relationship. Girl assumes the best way to do so is to hook up with every dangly piece of manmeat available. Girl ends up getting hurt after realizing dangly piece of manmeat is only seeking dangly parts of girlflesh.

Aw yeah. Get some.

Ladies, I’ve been there before. My freshman year was one filled with sexcapades galore — some with the hopes of a relationship, others not

so much. All involved some form of alcohol. The best lesson I learned though is not to give in to the theory that having a hookup is the only path to having a relationship. While there are some exceptionally rare cases (I’m sure there out there somewhere, although I’ve yet to see one), it doesn’t happen. You may think that a guy is really into you because he’s like, totally feeling you up on the dancefloor and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. You may think that a guy is really into you because you guys had like, a totally awesome conversation in bed the morning after. And he even walked you home! What a fucking gentleman! So you wait for him to contact you for lunch or dinner or something. And wait. And wait some more. Nothing.

Are these guys assholes? No. They’re just guys. But more than that, they’re guys who got the wrong impression from you. Listen lady, if you’re willing to wear a skimpy little outfit to a sweaty dancefloor, leave with some dude, do the pantless dance, and then give him a nice kiss goodbye…he’s probably 1) not looking for a relationship and 2) probably thinks that you’re not looking for a relationship either.

“Be a total bitch.” This is the best advice a guy has ever given me. What was the question I asked him? It was basically, “How do I express interest in a relationship without being a total slut?” And he told me to be a bitch. Did you just meet a dude? Great. Is he trying to stick his tongue down your throat? Okay, fine. Is he trying to manhandle your ladyparts? STOP. Be a bitch. Tell him no. He’ll get the point. If a guy is really into you, he’ll take the time and effort to get to know you instead of jumping straight to the goods. If he isn’t looking for something like that, he just won’t call or text or Gchat or Facebook you or whatever it is people do these days to stay in touch with would-be partners. And you’ll know that you should move on.

What do you think?

This week on the open_lists, one frustrated Leverettite addressed an issue that may point to the heart of student relations issues on campus (er…lack of “relations”, perhaps): WHY are the house condom boxes always empty?

Obvi not the Leverett hare.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: J.* <j———-@fas.harvard.edu>
Date: Mon, Feb 1, 2010 at 5:38 PM
Subject: Re: [Open] Empty Condom Box!
To: “C.” <c———-@fas.harvard.edu>
Cc: open@leverett.harvard.edu

Okay, in all seriousness, I realize sex is a taboo subject.

But given how wonderful sex can be and how rare it often is that the average Harvard undergraduate gets to enjoy it, I shudder at the thought of Leverites having no sex at all (or worse, unsafe sex) because a walk to UHS or CVS is such a hassle when you’re all hot and bothered.

Remember, a key component of effective sexual education is access to preventative materials, and the ability to talk openly about it through venues such as Lev Open.

So when someone fills the Condom Box, I hope he or she lets everyone know, and continues to do so on a regular basis.

Have fun y’all!

Best,
J. Click to read the responses

Like most college students, we here at Noice like our fair share of partying. But, when taking a break from the grind to get down and dirty, we don’t want to have to be bothered by small tasks. Thankfully, a new delivery service has got us covered.

This guy needs a party. Badly.

30delivery, “Boston’s fastest late night no tip delivery service,” has all the ingredients for an epic night out. Just go to their website between 8pm and 3am, give them your name, address, and phone number, and wait for the party to arrive.

Although they don’t deliver alcohol, they do have Red Bull, Monster, Coke, and other mixers galore, and ice to try to take the sting out of Rubinoff. But 30delivery doesn’t want you to sit around and drink like this guy. So they’ve got red solo cups, ping pong balls, cigarettes, and playing cards to make even that overachieving kid from section party like a regular brosef.

All good drinking leads to mischievous behavior. 30delivery’s got you there, too! Condoms to play safe, toothpaste to keep making out fresh, and even dry cleaning to clean up those unseemly stains. After you’ve finished with your fun, they have Burger King, McDonalds, and Ben & Jerry’s for you to eat away your shame.