This piece is a response to the HarvardFML post, “The girl I’m dating doesn’t want to have sex because she thinks ‘we’re too young for that.’ We’re 20. FML”. This piece is written by the commenter on the post with pseudonym Sdsdsds. The writer is a Harvard Voice editor and is distinct from the Voice’s regular sex columnist, Only Girl in the World.

In reflecting on my personal experience with sex education, I can’t help but feel that I got the short end of the stick.  My environment was certainly more progressive than that of many students. I attended a public high school in an affluent suburban area, where abstinence was not the only birth control method preached. We were accurately informed about the biology of sexual contact. However, amidst illuminations about the 28-day menstrual cycle and overviews of the differences between hormonal and non-hormonal IUDs, some basic points were, without fail, left out.  Like the fact that the clitoris is the only known organ whose sole function is to give pleasure.  And that sex, when participated in by informed, consenting adults, is something that can be enjoyable, a mutually pleasurable experience for two or more human beings.

This informational gap extended beyond school. While my parents are not particularly conservative, sex was never talked about in a non-“hush-hush” manner.  I think they assumed that I knew about it, and they would have been more than willing to answer the technical questions if I had asked them.  However, the idea that sex, when practiced safely and with enthusiastic consent, could be a fulfilling part of my life, was never discussed.

And while I certainly won’t suggest that my version of sexual education is universal, I also don’t think it is a stretch to say that my experience isn’t unique.  And the result of such lapses in information is that, despite decades of liberal progressive thought, sex is still oftentimes categorized within a very traditional framework.  Instead of instructing youth that sex can be a pleasurable and life-enhancing act, it is still oftentimes viewed – using the words in my original HarvardFML comment espousing this opinion – as something that is scary, unknown and potentially damaging.
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Hi again Harvard,

Two weeks ago I made the claim that Harvard students always have sex on the mind. We talk about it all the time and are eager to learn all about it. However, I believe we never talk about sex where it counts. More often than not, partners don’t talk about sex with each other. I know this from personal experience. When I started hooking up with Antonio two years ago, I was really apprehensive about discussing anything sex-related with him. He was more experienced than I was, and I didn’t want to sound demanding or irredeemably stupid. I talked about sex with my blockmates and even to random strangers, but never to Antonio himself.

(Image: Google Images)

That all changed when I started fooling around with my next hook-up, an older man of approximately 24 years of age, Marcus*. Marcus set the standards of lover-hood sky-high. He was so attentive that I felt spoiled rotten. Every few weeks or so, he would ask about our hook-up sessions. Could he do something to make it better? He really liked it when I did A, B and C. Was this my clitoris, or was THIS my clitoris? Could we try doing so and so next time?

At first, I was embarrassed to actually voice what turned me on and off; that quickly changed. I started to keep an open mind, and we began discussing possible sexual activities. Planning out our exploits soon became half the fun! The techniques and skills I picked up when I was involved with Marcus have stayed with me. The most important lesson he taught me, though, was that sex is an art. As with all skills, to get better at it, you have to practice. And practice involves knowing what’s working and what’s not.

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Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! My apologies for my two-month absence – I got crazy busy, as happens from time to time. Anyway, got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com, and watch this space for my answer! River House asks,

Last week, a grad student friend/romantic interest whom I met last summer took me out. Last summer, I’d always freaked out because he was pretty aggressive and I was still a virgin. Last week, we had a great time going to a couple of bars and talking, and we ended up in bed at his place. He says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he’s busy, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I want something more than just sex, but I’m not sure what. So my question is, how do you think he sees me? Do you think he sees me as a potential girlfriend or just some slam piece? He’s definitely someone I would want to date in like 3 years, but I can’t see myself dating him now. Is there a way to position myself so that he will want to date me in the future?

The College Events Board is offering a free screening of “No Strings Attached” this Sunday, April 3rd, at the Science Center Hall B. Door opens at 7:45pm until capacity (about 400 seats) is reached.

The movie, which features Ashton Kutcher, aka Mr. Demi Moore, and Harvard alumnae and Oscar winner Natalie Portman in the lead roles, was released in late January of this year, and grossed over US$70 million. Not bad for a chick flick with an estimated budget of $25 million.

The official synopsis goes: “A guy and girl try to keep their relationship strictly physical, but it’s not long before they learn that they want something more.” (IMDB) Sounds familiar? If this describes your social life at Harvard, go see the movie. If it doesn’t, well, come anyway for the unreasonably attractive stars. (Even though Kutcher’s acting ability leaves much to be desired.)

Also, it was rated R for “strong sexual content.” I’m just saying.

RSVP on the Facebook event. “Like” the CEB on Facebook for dibs on future events, including Yardfest.

Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! Got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com, and watch this space for my answer! R.H. asks,

What do you think about friends with benefits or casual relationships? Is it a fun but dangerous road to heart break for one party involved?

Sexologist with plush vulva puppet.

Voice Vixen here, reporting on the Female Orgasm Seminar which took place this past Friday night. Content warning, the following does acknowledge the existence of sex and is textually NSFW.

6:45 So this thing hasn’t started yet and already Science Center C is a writing mass of hot bodies, packed front to back with Harvard Students who apparently want to know the ins and outs of the female orgasm. There is a table up front arrayed with various sex toys ranging from purple to pink to… pinker. I’ve picked up a raffle ticket, wish me luck!

6:46: A group of guys sitting behind me can’t seem to say the word clitoris without whispering. One of them says he hopes to hear about some “serious technique.” I suppress judgement, it seems clear that boys of Harvard could really use the help.

6:55 It IS SO LOUD IN HERE. It’s almost like every person in the room is having a really intelligibly vocal orgasm. Rabble rabble rabble!

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Enough to get even Sarah excited.

We swear it’s not a myth! The seminar, that is.

In addition to offering free “vagina” cupcakes, hundreds of dollars-worth of sextoy giveaways, and free condoms/lube/dental dam the Radcliffe Union of Students are holding a contest. That’s right, a contest!

The sports team or entryway with the most members present (by number and percentage) will win one of TWO, count ‘em, TWO cakes!

Spice up your sexlife, eat free food, maybe giggle at a slideshow or two (but in a sex-positive way). Empower you and your fellow “Vagina Warriors,” bring your man, bring your woman, bring whoever!

(note: The Voice will be there AND blogging the event for those who cannot make it)