*We actually don’t know how old she is, nor do we care.

#2: Tyra Banks pretends she’s rabid. Yeah, exactly what you think it is.

by Henry Woodward-Fisher ‘12
December 2009 Issue

So, it’s Fall Exam Period 2009, freezing outside, you forgot to wear your sneakers and you’re now nursing Primal Scream induced frostbite and grazed knees. How will you get through the next week or so when Reading Period was such a disaster? You’re feeling especially out of shape after running around Harvard Yard in your birthday suit and you’ve still got a lot of BoardPlus and Crimson Cash to use up before the start of the holidays. What the hell is the blood-brain barrier anyhow? How on earth are you ever going to get through this new calendar?

ON PROCRASTINATION:

White Noise Generator – Just click on www.simplynoise.com to get the Internet’s purest and highest quality white noise (y’know the sound that TV makes when it’s not on a channel), it apparently aids sleep and helps block out other distractions.

LeechBlock – Go here for a Firefox extension that blocks websites (like Facebook, I Saw You Harvard, Twitter, etc.) that you might be tempted to visit repeatedly as you study.

MeeTimer – This Firefox add-on logs how much time you have spent on each site that you visit. It can give you pop-up reminders if you are spending too much time on procrastination web sites.

Things to avoid: Never, repeat, never go to meatspin.org or hippohippo.ytmnd.com – such things will only lead to unhappiness and awkward looks from others.

ON STUDYING:

Watch lectures faster! – Enounce allows you to play any video (read: lecture videos) at the speed that you like without any loss of audio quality (aka “no chipmunk sound”). You can watch your lectures up to 50% faster and still absorb the material.

Join/make a study group – Share the work and ease the pressure. You could even use Google Wave to collaborate on study guides!

Evernote – This handy note-taking program allows you to organize notes, lecture videos, pictures, and PowerPoint presentations. Clip parts of web sites; sync between computer, phone, online account; and search text in pictures.

Avoid library depression – We know it’s bad, but break up your studying into more manageable chunks and follow the aforementioned tips to help save yourself from slipping into the abyss. Of Lamont.

ON DAILY ROUTINE:

Wake up earlier. The most productive times of the day to learn new material and get stuff done are early in the morning and just before you go to bed. Why not get up two or three hours earlier and take the evening off?

Eat apples. It keeps the doctor away and reportedly is better for waking you up in the morning than coffee. Other brain foods include fruit, nuts and Ranger Cookies (of course).

Do exercise. It may be getting dark at a ridiculously early hour, but 30 minutes running along the Charles will really set you up for a productive day of work. Get those endorphins going and reinforce those reward pathways!

Do have free time. Set time aside for things that you actually derive pleasure from – brew fresh free-leaf tea, get a haircut, play that guitar, practice for the spring semester 2010’s Female Orgasm seminar, etc.

Through a very long and strenuous interviewing process, I was able to discern exactly how Harvardians spend their week of studying. Of course you have your library addicts (c.f. “Diary of a Lamonster”) but now they’ve been amplified to levels of sleep deprivation previously unheard of. Some people simply stay awake, and then just keep trying to stay awake…to see how long they can survive. I found a few willing intellectual soldiers to share with the world how studying is done here…or not done. Alex Chivescu ’13, when not “crap[ping] out a series of words and sentences that [he] can hopefully rearrange into a compelling (or at least intelligible) argument,” engages in other activities:

“Since I have more time to do it over Reading Period than any other time in my life, I also enjoy going to the gym. Not because it helps me study, or because it’s healthy, but rather because I like working out in front of a mirror and making funny faces in exertion. I also blast music while I shower, since going to parties these days makes me feel unaccomplished, guilty, and a little bit colonized. I think my roommates are a bit annoyed but at least they know when the bathroom’s occupied. I eat for hours in Annenberg putting on weight in anticipation of my month-long J-term hibernatory period. That way, when I get home I can turn the heat up, close the blinds, and sleep for the rest of winter.”

He even went as far to temporarily deactivate his Facebook (!SHUN!) His reasoning? “to keep myself from unnecessary socialization, further pursuit of rejection, or the whole ‘keeping in touch with friends back home’ deal. It’s really just that one random kid who was never friends with you popping up in your chat box with the classic “OMGgGgGgG how’s HARVARD?!” and honestly, I just can’t deal.”

I must note, though, that as much as I am in favor of working out PROCEED WITH CAUTION. There’s a deadline for injury here (I know LOLWUT?), and FYI it passed in November. So even with an ex post facto injury, like, I don’t know—a broken finger that prohibits writing, don’t expect any extra time. So, work that treadmill…just don’t fall/trip/etc., or you’ll be investing in a lot of ibuprofen and channeling Chuck Norris during your multiple exams that require three hours of writing.

It was one individual, though, who took the cake in providing ultimate personal maxims on Reading Period. In the answer to defeat all answers, Kelly Jo Popkin ’11 writes,

“Rather than reading during reading period, I question my sexuality and establish important life goals. I study a lot during reading period by visiting alt blogs and cultivating a personality that goes against the grain. I start by studying for all the other exams. If I have time, I will study for my own. I don’t really read during reading period. Or when I’m on my period. Especially if I’m on my period during reading period, which keeps happening to me. I develop and memorize important strategies to outline how to study.”

So there you have it little ones. Go forth and read blogs. Like Noice. Studying is fine too, but if you watch House then you know that if you stay awake for a consecutive eight days…well, you die. Get some sleep y’all, don’t break anything or you’re screwed, and bonne chance.

Photo credit: chemilo

Primal Scream: it’s the weirdest yet most liberating Harvard tradition. The night before finals, students (both guys and gals) run around the Yard in their birthday suits (or bikinis and masks for those more hesitant of showing off their goodies).

This year, Primal Scream takes place this Friday, December 11th, at midnight. The Voice has compiled a guide for those who will participate in the run, whether it’s your first time or not.

1. Don’t bring a camera! Seriously, nothing screams “creeper” like bringing a camera to an event with a bunch of naked college folk with their ding-dongs and love lumps hanging out.

2. DO wear sneakers! The corners are icy, and slipping could be, well, disastrous.

3. Bring a buddy. Have a bud waiting with a robe/towel/bedsheet/pillow so you don’t have to push your way through the viewing crowds looking for your clothing with all your junk hanging out. That might have been fun when you were sprinting around the Yard with a bunch of other nudies – not so fun when it’s just you with a bunch of … not-nudies.

4. Get it over with. Do it as early on in your Harvard career as possible. In that way they will be less people that recognize you as you hurtle naked around the Yard. If you do it as a senior it’s basically social suicide (unless you have awesome abs, tattoos that you want to show off, or you’re just shameless).

5. Shave. It might be a good idea.

6. Get ready for some awkward conversations. One of your professors may see you. Or an Annenberg employee. Not that we have a firsthand experience or anything.

7. Don’t pull stunts. Like, don’t make a snow angel.. unless you want to catch pneumonia and fail your finals.

8. Beware of where your eyes roam! Don’t make eye contact, stare only ahead of you, and keep your eyes above shoulder level.

9. Be alert. If you see a girl or guy start to trip and eat asphalt, (it’s mean but…) be ready to hurdle them or you’ll go down with the ship.

10. For the gals: find ladyfriends. If you’re a lady, find some other girls to run with or find them in the crowd because guys are crazy assholes and they push. Also a skin-on-skin brush-up with an adjacent person will be less embarrassing this way.

11. Feel free to accessorize. You can keep it all off and go as as the good lord made ya. but feel to wear something special like a tiara or a piano-key tie.

12. Paint up, don’t suit up. If you’re going to paint your face or body use a non-toxic oil based face paint. Acrylic cracks on the skin and flakes as you run. Not attractive.

What do you think should be added to this list? Have you run Primal Scream before? How was it? Let us know in the comments!

Photos by Sasha Mironov ‘13

We present to you: Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes. To help you get your papers and studying done without trying to pull your hair out.

More Reading Period goodies are coming your way in The Voice’s special Reading Period December Issue, due out on December 11th!

They tried to make me go to BSO but I said "No, no, no"...

Let this frightening image of Amy Winehouse be a warning to you. If you don’t take a breather and stop doing all that adderall/redbull and listening to angry music you could end up just like this. So we bring to you our chillest mix yet. Detoxify and center yourself with some sweet, sweet tunes.

On this mix:

• Knife – Grizzly Bear
• Gymnastics (Pam) – Pele
• Wada Na Tod – Lata Mangeshkar
• Waltz No. 9  in A-flat major, Op. 69 – Chopin
• Vista – Shugo Tokumaru
• Hypocrite – Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra
• Pale Septembre – Camille
• No Hay Nada Mas – Mos Def
• Fuck this I’m leaving – The American Analog Set
• Palneka – Avey Tare and Kria Brekken
• Storm: Lift Yr. Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven – Godspeed You! Black Emperor
  

Probably doesn't look this classy.

Today is Day One of the UC’s “Reading Period Giveaways.” Here’s what they’re giving away today:

1. Free backrubs in Ticknor Lounge today from 1-3pm.
2. Free hot cider in Greenhouse Cafe from 6-7pm.

Noice is a fan of hot cider, so we think this is pretty cool. Follow the UC’s blog, UC Juicy, for updates on what else they’re giving away this week! (We hope it’s something along the lines of a “NO EXAMS PASS.” Or something.)