Not what they mean by "Crimson ass." (Photo credit: justanimal.org.)

In the past two days, this website and this one have been created, to give Harvard girls the chance to show off their lady bits in support of fair Crimson. These websites seem to be inspired by a page launched two months ago, where men get to show off their goods – hard only, of course.

Presumably to keep things less gender-segregated, this tumblr was created yesterday.  Note the clever slogan that the admin posted at the bottom of the page.

Frankly, I’m intrigued by the motivation behind all of this. Are we all that starved for sexual attention that posting X-rated pics to an anonymous tumblr is the only way to get it? Has reading period driven us all mad already? Or are we, as stereotypical Harvard students, just aching to show the rest of the world how perfectly perky our boobs are, and to hell with it?

The Voice jury is out on this one, but at least maybe for some of you, these websites have brightened the darkness of reading period just a wee bit.

(Photo credit: mbtcast.com.)

As reading period drags on and finals loom, the view on our end is looking pretty bleak. In these troubling times, it’s important to take comfort in the fact that there are those unfortunate souls who are worse-off than we are!  In this case, the individuals are some of our fellow college students from around the country, who attend schools that have been rated by the Princeton Review as the twenty colleges with the least happy students.

To make your days a little bit brighter, The Voice happily offers you the complete list of the even-more-downtrodden, in order of increasing suckitude.

20. University of New Orleans

19. Whittier College

18. University of South Dakota

17. University of Maine

16. University of California-Riverside

15. United States Air Force Academy

14. Tuskegee University

13. Fisk University

12. Alfred University

11. NYU

10. CUNY Baruch

9. Illinois Institute of Technology

8. Indiana University of Pennsylvania

7. United States Naval Academy

6. Clarkson University

5. Montana Tech of the University of Montana

4. United States Coast Guard Academy

3. United States Merchant Marine Academy

2. Marywood University

1. New Jersey Institute of Technology

Tl;dr: Quit yo’ bitchin’, Harvard students. Apparently things could be worse.

Ladies and gents, it’s that time of the year again. No, I’m not taking about finals period (when the only sleeping around you do is in Lamont, and the only thing that goes down is your GPA #butreally).

From May 6th to May 15th (next Sunday), all local Starbucks stores will hold their Frappuccino Happy (Two) Hour(s) from 3pm – 5pm. During this time, get your favorite blended drinks at half-price!

In addition, Starbucks is also bringing back two coconut-flavored drinks for the summer: The Mocha Coconut Frappuchino and the Coconut Creme Frappuchino. I don’t know what the difference is except for the varying levels of sugar and sugary syrup, but you feel free to explore!

Everybody, let’s get fat! As if that’s not the natural by-product of Reading/Finals Period already.

ooh ooh! That's me!

10:30am – Well, I had every intention of getting up at 9:30. Fail. And now the dining halls don’t open for another hour and a half. Okay, this late wake up is only a blip in my day. I’m going to be SO productive today. I’m going to rip through lecture slides like a champ and maybe even take notes on them. I’m going to do practice tests and review questions. It’s going down.

11:50am – Have made my way through ONE lecture powerpoint in the last hour and a half. The original lecture was only an hour. Must.Stop.Checking.Facebook.

12:10pm – Lunch time. I can’t be expected to study on an empty stomach.

2pm – Now that I’m back from lunch…and CVS…it’s time to get down to business. FOR REAL. Lights are on, pencils are sharpened, notebooks are open, all systems are a go.

Let’s get down to business (to defeat the huns!).

3pm – Woah. That was a full hour of productivity. Time for a reward. It will take me 5 minutes and 5 minutes only to check my emails and facebook. Five.Minutes.

4:00pm – Well, that was certainly longer than 5 minutes. Back to work.

4:30pm – Need food. At this point, I’m too lazy to shlep to the dining hall, never mind anyplace else in the square. It’s certainly convenient that I have a bag of peanuts sitting in my room. And I absolutely cannot write with a pen, type on a computer, or flip through a notebook while I’m shelling them. I wouldn’t want to get peanut shell mess all over my work space. Then I would have to stop working to clean it. Nom nom.

5:15pm – Dear room above me, please please please turn off your stereo. The weekend before finals is not when I want to hear the bumpin’ bass of your sub-par party playlists. This is NOT THE TIME. I want 1. silence, or 2. the singing whales and crashing waves of my seascapes relaxation playlist. Kaythanks.

6:00pm – It’s dinner time and I want food, but the blockmates want to “study” until 6:30. *Sigh* I can be productive for the next half an hour, right? Right?

6:30pm – Productivity has died completely in the presence of captioned cat photos. Blast. Well, at least it’s dinner time. And meals should never be corrupted by schoolwork or stress. Food is sacred.

8:00pm – Okay; it’s go time. Like, really. Because exams are rapidly approaching and I am grossly under-prepared. Better check my email first though – wouldn’t want to miss vital messages.

8:30pm – I can’t focus in here. My desk is messy, the lights aren’t quite right, and the mini-fridge is humming like an excited bee hive. I’ll be so much more productive in the library.

9:00pm – Empty table. I’m organized. Ready to go. Studying in 3,2,1

11pm – Break time. Off to the Dhall for a cup of tea and a short break. Maybe I’ll even bring a book. I just won’t let anyone distract me. Seriously.

1pm – So it was a long break. Don’t judge me. At this point, my brain’s not going to process anything more that I try to cram into it. I had better go to bed early so that I can wake up with the sunrise tomorrow and really get crackin’.

For real though.

I missed my paper deadline! Damn it, Sporcle!

With reading period quickly approaching, papers being due, finals coming up, and problems sets up the yin-yang, Facebook, Perez Hilton, Twitter, and other internet sites are not really helping any of us be productive in any way, shape, or form. But at the Voice, we have good news for you!

As we were perusing the results of a Google search for “temporarily block websites” we found a really neat Google Chrome extension, Block It, that can limit or block your use of some websites. You have the ability to restrict what hours you can use the internet, when your limits are reset, and what your internet limits are. So instead of having your roommate change your Facebook password or throwing your computer against a wall, try some of the tools the web has to offer and happy studying!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk6P4w5cVpc

*We actually don’t know how old she is, nor do we care.

#2: Tyra Banks pretends she’s rabid. Yeah, exactly what you think it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFAjN4n46zE

by Henry Woodward-Fisher ’12
December 2009 Issue

So, it’s Fall Exam Period 2009, freezing outside, you forgot to wear your sneakers and you’re now nursing Primal Scream induced frostbite and grazed knees. How will you get through the next week or so when Reading Period was such a disaster? You’re feeling especially out of shape after running around Harvard Yard in your birthday suit and you’ve still got a lot of BoardPlus and Crimson Cash to use up before the start of the holidays. What the hell is the blood-brain barrier anyhow? How on earth are you ever going to get through this new calendar?

ON PROCRASTINATION:

White Noise Generator – Just click on www.simplynoise.com to get the Internet’s purest and highest quality white noise (y’know the sound that TV makes when it’s not on a channel), it apparently aids sleep and helps block out other distractions.

LeechBlock – Go here for a Firefox extension that blocks websites (like Facebook, I Saw You Harvard, Twitter, etc.) that you might be tempted to visit repeatedly as you study.

MeeTimer – This Firefox add-on logs how much time you have spent on each site that you visit. It can give you pop-up reminders if you are spending too much time on procrastination web sites.

Things to avoid: Never, repeat, never go to meatspin.org or hippohippo.ytmnd.com – such things will only lead to unhappiness and awkward looks from others.

ON STUDYING:

Watch lectures faster! – Enounce allows you to play any video (read: lecture videos) at the speed that you like without any loss of audio quality (aka “no chipmunk sound”). You can watch your lectures up to 50% faster and still absorb the material.

Join/make a study group – Share the work and ease the pressure. You could even use Google Wave to collaborate on study guides!

Evernote – This handy note-taking program allows you to organize notes, lecture videos, pictures, and PowerPoint presentations. Clip parts of web sites; sync between computer, phone, online account; and search text in pictures.

Avoid library depression – We know it’s bad, but break up your studying into more manageable chunks and follow the aforementioned tips to help save yourself from slipping into the abyss. Of Lamont.

ON DAILY ROUTINE:

Wake up earlier. The most productive times of the day to learn new material and get stuff done are early in the morning and just before you go to bed. Why not get up two or three hours earlier and take the evening off?

Eat apples. It keeps the doctor away and reportedly is better for waking you up in the morning than coffee. Other brain foods include fruit, nuts and Ranger Cookies (of course).

Do exercise. It may be getting dark at a ridiculously early hour, but 30 minutes running along the Charles will really set you up for a productive day of work. Get those endorphins going and reinforce those reward pathways!

Do have free time. Set time aside for things that you actually derive pleasure from – brew fresh free-leaf tea, get a haircut, play that guitar, practice for the spring semester 2010’s Female Orgasm seminar, etc.

Through a very long and strenuous interviewing process, I was able to discern exactly how Harvardians spend their week of studying. Of course you have your library addicts (c.f. “Diary of a Lamonster”) but now they’ve been amplified to levels of sleep deprivation previously unheard of. Some people simply stay awake, and then just keep trying to stay awake…to see how long they can survive. I found a few willing intellectual soldiers to share with the world how studying is done here…or not done. Alex Chivescu ’13, when not “crap[ping] out a series of words and sentences that [he] can hopefully rearrange into a compelling (or at least intelligible) argument,” engages in other activities:

“Since I have more time to do it over Reading Period than any other time in my life, I also enjoy going to the gym. Not because it helps me study, or because it’s healthy, but rather because I like working out in front of a mirror and making funny faces in exertion. I also blast music while I shower, since going to parties these days makes me feel unaccomplished, guilty, and a little bit colonized. I think my roommates are a bit annoyed but at least they know when the bathroom’s occupied. I eat for hours in Annenberg putting on weight in anticipation of my month-long J-term hibernatory period. That way, when I get home I can turn the heat up, close the blinds, and sleep for the rest of winter.”

He even went as far to temporarily deactivate his Facebook (!SHUN!) His reasoning? “to keep myself from unnecessary socialization, further pursuit of rejection, or the whole ‘keeping in touch with friends back home’ deal. It’s really just that one random kid who was never friends with you popping up in your chat box with the classic “OMGgGgGgG how’s HARVARD?!” and honestly, I just can’t deal.”

I must note, though, that as much as I am in favor of working out PROCEED WITH CAUTION. There’s a deadline for injury here (I know LOLWUT?), and FYI it passed in November. So even with an ex post facto injury, like, I don’t know—a broken finger that prohibits writing, don’t expect any extra time. So, work that treadmill…just don’t fall/trip/etc., or you’ll be investing in a lot of ibuprofen and channeling Chuck Norris during your multiple exams that require three hours of writing.

It was one individual, though, who took the cake in providing ultimate personal maxims on Reading Period. In the answer to defeat all answers, Kelly Jo Popkin ’11 writes,

“Rather than reading during reading period, I question my sexuality and establish important life goals. I study a lot during reading period by visiting alt blogs and cultivating a personality that goes against the grain. I start by studying for all the other exams. If I have time, I will study for my own. I don’t really read during reading period. Or when I’m on my period. Especially if I’m on my period during reading period, which keeps happening to me. I develop and memorize important strategies to outline how to study.”

So there you have it little ones. Go forth and read blogs. Like Noice. Studying is fine too, but if you watch House then you know that if you stay awake for a consecutive eight days…well, you die. Get some sleep y’all, don’t break anything or you’re screwed, and bonne chance.

Photo credit: chemilo

Primal Scream: it’s the weirdest yet most liberating Harvard tradition. The night before finals, students (both guys and gals) run around the Yard in their birthday suits (or bikinis and masks for those more hesitant of showing off their goodies).

This year, Primal Scream takes place this Friday, December 11th, at midnight. The Voice has compiled a guide for those who will participate in the run, whether it’s your first time or not.

1. Don’t bring a camera! Seriously, nothing screams “creeper” like bringing a camera to an event with a bunch of naked college folk with their ding-dongs and love lumps hanging out.

2. DO wear sneakers! The corners are icy, and slipping could be, well, disastrous.

3. Bring a buddy. Have a bud waiting with a robe/towel/bedsheet/pillow so you don’t have to push your way through the viewing crowds looking for your clothing with all your junk hanging out. That might have been fun when you were sprinting around the Yard with a bunch of other nudies – not so fun when it’s just you with a bunch of … not-nudies.

4. Get it over with. Do it as early on in your Harvard career as possible. In that way they will be less people that recognize you as you hurtle naked around the Yard. If you do it as a senior it’s basically social suicide (unless you have awesome abs, tattoos that you want to show off, or you’re just shameless).

5. Shave. It might be a good idea.

6. Get ready for some awkward conversations. One of your professors may see you. Or an Annenberg employee. Not that we have a firsthand experience or anything.

7. Don’t pull stunts. Like, don’t make a snow angel.. unless you want to catch pneumonia and fail your finals.

8. Beware of where your eyes roam! Don’t make eye contact, stare only ahead of you, and keep your eyes above shoulder level.

9. Be alert. If you see a girl or guy start to trip and eat asphalt, (it’s mean but…) be ready to hurdle them or you’ll go down with the ship.

10. For the gals: find ladyfriends. If you’re a lady, find some other girls to run with or find them in the crowd because guys are crazy assholes and they push. Also a skin-on-skin brush-up with an adjacent person will be less embarrassing this way.

11. Feel free to accessorize. You can keep it all off and go as as the good lord made ya. but feel to wear something special like a tiara or a piano-key tie.

12. Paint up, don’t suit up. If you’re going to paint your face or body use a non-toxic oil based face paint. Acrylic cracks on the skin and flakes as you run. Not attractive.

What do you think should be added to this list? Have you run Primal Scream before? How was it? Let us know in the comments!

Photos by Sasha Mironov ’13

We present to you: Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes. To help you get your papers and studying done without trying to pull your hair out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI

More Reading Period goodies are coming your way in The Voice’s special Reading Period December Issue, due out on December 11th!

They tried to make me go to BSO but I said "No, no, no"...

Let this frightening image of Amy Winehouse be a warning to you. If you don’t take a breather and stop doing all that adderall/redbull and listening to angry music you could end up just like this. So we bring to you our chillest mix yet. Detoxify and center yourself with some sweet, sweet tunes.

On this mix:

• Knife – Grizzly Bear
• Gymnastics (Pam) – Pele
• Wada Na Tod – Lata Mangeshkar
• Waltz No. 9  in A-flat major, Op. 69 – Chopin
• Vista – Shugo Tokumaru
• Hypocrite – Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra
• Pale Septembre – Camille
• No Hay Nada Mas – Mos Def
• Fuck this I’m leaving – The American Analog Set
• Palneka – Avey Tare and Kria Brekken
• Storm: Lift Yr. Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven – Godspeed You! Black Emperor