By bringing our beloved, age-old tradition up to the next level.

Last night, a multitude of no less than 700-something Harvard undergraduates ran naked laps around the Yard in a collective state of euphoria.

Donning masks, hats, fake wings, tails, and what-have-you, participants clearly went through thoughtful preparation for this year’s Primal Scream.

“It took me about half an hour to paint it black down there,” said an anonymous participant bearing the lettering “OCCUPY THIS” across his stomach, with an arrow pointing down to his proudly painted crotch.

“This year I definitely witnessed more exposed genitalia than last year. Harvard students are getting better and better at this,” said an unnamed sophomore who has taken part in three Primal Screams, including last night’s.

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Here they are just in time for runners to reminisce and for creepers to creep! For those of you who’ve always wondered what it looked like but didn’t want to get too close, here’s what a bunch of kids streaking through Harvard Yard the night before finals looks like. SOSFW(sort of safe for work). And for those of you with netbooks they’re big enough to save as your wallpaper. You’re welcome, creeps.

photo credit: as if!

Well, well, freshmen.  For those of you who haven’t yet gotten personal with Mr. John Harvard, tonight is the night for you to begin to work on that storied bucket list of things to do at Harvard before you graduate. Brave souls, check out this link on your guide to getting primal. However, for members of the Class of 2014 with less exhibitionist tendencies, Primal Scream may be a time to pop a squat on the sidelines of the Yard, to eye your classmates getting intimate with the night’s chill air.  For those of you in this latter category, The Voice has prepared the following list of dos and don’ts for Primal Scream observation.

1. Get there on time, leave early.  The participants commence their lap at the stroke of midnight, so tonight is not the time to be fashionably late.  No reason to linger long before or after either; it just seems over-eager.

2. Bring coffee and blankets! Just because the Screamers are exposing themselves to the vice-grip of Cantabrigian winter doesn’t mean you have to, as well.

3. Don’t mention to that random kid in section that you saw him doing Primal Scream, unless you have sufficient reason to believe that the revelation that you have seen his/her goods would be well-received.

4. Go with friends. Standing awkwardly alone to watch naked people becomes a little too voyeuristic even for this display of exhibitionism. For this reason…

What lie will we concoct to tell tourists about this Harvard tradition?

5. Leave your camera home. C’mon, the mental image of 500 of your classmates in their birthday suits should be more than enough to carry with you.  (Also, rumor has it The Voice will be getting some [completely PG and anonymous] pics of the event later tonight!)

6. If you’re planning to witness Primal Scream before you graduate, go your freshman year.  It becomes [a lot more] socially unacceptable to flock to gawk at naked people once you move out of the Yard.

7. Finally, if braving the cold for Primal Scream seems too daunting, be sure to check out the first floor of Lamont at around 11. Typically, the Dudley Co-op has brought the naked party there on the night before finals to ensure that even those who refuse to leave their Harvard study caves get in on the action.

Happy Primal Scream! (And remember, it is at midnight this evening of December 12, in the Yard.)

All right Harvard, it’s time for the most celebrated tradition of the year: Primal Scream. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Mother Nature is going to cooperate for our sacred tradition.

There will be rain and wind. Lots of it. So much that there’s a wind advisory in effect for Cambridge until late tonight. There’s a good chance that by this point, you’re lacking sleep and haven’t really gotten around to eating three square meals a day. Don’t trash your immune system completely. No one likes the sick kid with the sniffles when everyone else is trying to concentrate on a three hour final. Don’t be that kid.

This is Harvard and we’re hardcore. We plod through rain and snow and ice to get to lecture, section, and lab. Surely we won’t let the inclement weather prevent us from gettin’ nekkid and running the gauntlet.  Keeping the forecast in mind, here are some suggestions for the night so that runners and spectators alike can get their crazy on, despite the foul weather.

Runners:

• Wear shoes. The ground will be wet, cold, and slippery.
• Have a friend waiting with a towel for after the madness and seek warmth and dry clothing immediately.
• Don’t wait up for your friends. Standing around will only attract attention and soak you more thoroughly.

Spectators:

• Use umbrellas. I know that we’re intelligent students, but in the midst of the excitement, don’t run outside without boots and an umbrella. You’ll regret it.
• Hold towels for your friends and BE THERE when they need to find you. They’re running. You’re not. Don’t be a jerk and withhold their clothing and towels afterward.
• Don’t stand too close – Primal Scream functions on mob mentality. A charging herd of wildabeests wouldn’t move out of the way for you. Don’t assume that a charging herd of naked college students would.

IT’S NAKEY TIME

While we were in the first floor reading room finishing an Expos paper due at midnight, we witnessed some shocking, random, and hilarious displays of intense exhibitionism.  Perhaps our Gmail outbox best represents the events in the hour leading up to Primal Scream:

10:52 PM:

There currently is a girl across from me in Lamont who has been taking off article of clothing by article of clothing while studying.  This has taken place over more than a half hour.  She is now down to literally just her underwear.

Nobody has reacted.  I actually don’t think many people have noticed.

Oh, wait…there are multiple girls doing it.

I think, at least five.  This girl across from me is the least afraid and got down to bra and panties first.  But another one just took her shirt off and three more are definitely on their way.

Anybody know what is happening?

Shit, paper due in an hour.  Focus, focus, focus…

Reply:

I think what’s happening is that you’re getting mentally tired and hallucinating what you want to see.

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by The Voice Staff
December Issue 2009

Primal Scream: it’s the weirdest yet most liberating Harvard tradition. The night before finals, students (both guys and gals) run around the Yard in their birthday suits (or bikinis and masks for those more hesitant of showing off their goodies).

This year, Primal Scream takes place this Friday, December 11th, at midnight. The Voice has compiled a guide for those who will participate in the run, whether it’s your first time or not.

1. Don’t bring a camera! Seriously, nothing screams “creeper” like bringing a camera to an event with a bunch of naked college folk with their ding-dongs and love lumps hanging out.

2. DO wear sneakers! The corners are icy, and slipping could be, well, disastrous.

3. Bring a buddy. Have a bud waiting with a robe/towel/bedsheet/pillow so you don’t have to push your way through the viewing crowds looking for your clothing with all your junk hanging out. That might have been fun when you were sprinting around the Yard with a bunch of other nudies – not so fun when it’s just you with a bunch of … not-nudies.

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