Posted by Some Dude on June 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! Got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at email@example.com, and watch this space for my answer! Gestapo writes,
I just finished my sophomore year, and as soon as I got home for the summer I started hanging out with this girl I knew from high school. We’ve hit it off and are getting pretty serious pretty quickly. But, I know I’ve got to come back to Harvard at the end of the summer, and she’s got to go back to her school – and we’ll be hundreds of miles apart. I’ve never done long distance before, and I’m afraid it won’t work. What should I do?
Wow, that was fast! You’ve only been gone a few weeks!
Without knowing more about your situation, I think you’re best off having an awesome summer and then cutting the cord. A long-distance relationship will drain you and keep you from living life at Harvard to its potential – and the same goes for her at her school. The chances that the relationship will survive the 2+ further years that you’ll be separated are so small as to be hardly worth the huge cost. One of my very first posts was on long distance relationships of this type – take a read.
But don’t get bummed out. You and your ladyfriend can still have a fantastic summer. It’s a blessing, in a way: “expiration dating” like this allows you the freedom to get as emotionally involved as you want to, safe in the knowledge that there’s a built-in deadline and an amicable breakup at the end. And guess what? If you’re both single after graduation and end up in the same city, you’re in the best possible position to get back together, so expiration dating does not preclude future possibilities. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Some Dude on May 6, 2011 at 8:20 am
Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! Got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and watch this space for my answer! Today, I’m going to talk about The Graduation Breakup.
Keeping a relationship going after graduation, especially if the parties involved are geographically separated, is very difficult. To do it, you need to have no doubts and very strong commitment. It’s a high bar, so it’s understandable to want to bail at graduation. That will be a tough decision for one person and a painful experience for the other. How to navigate it?
First, should you break up? Graduation breakups happen for many reasons, but one of the big ones is that it’s a natural (ahaha) breaking point for relationships gone stale. Another big one is that indefinite long-distance relationships are not practical, so good relationships may end so that the parties can pursue incompatible plans. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Some Dude on October 1, 2010 at 10:29 am
As the new school year begins, a couple of relationship scenarios are coming up more than others. Here’s one of them, in the form of a HarvardFML post from about a month ago:
I’m going to Harvard this fall and my girlfriend is going to Yale. Barring the fact that everyone who finds out will probably ridicule this relationship, we’ll also be apart for four years. or more. FML
You probably have a notion that she’s the one, that it’ll be hard but that she’s worth it, and all that jazz – otherwise you wouldn’t even be trying. It’s not what you want to hear, but here it is: you’re not going to make it. Tons of high school couples think they’ll be the exception, the one that lasts. They’re not. You’re not, either. Worse than that, the long-distance relationship is going to drain you and keep you from living life at Harvard to its potential.
But I know you won’t listen to me when I say all of those things. I certainly wouldn’t in your position. So, in all hopelessness, here’s some practical long distance advice instead: Read the rest of this entry »