Here's a bunch of pictures of a facially expressive cat to make you feel better.

Dear PreFroshies,

Don’t worry that’s not what we really call you, that’s just a term of endearment we’re using for the sake of this letter. The Voice runs a little thing called Harvard FML. It’s really for us undergrads here at the school (and occasionally a sex-starved grad student) but you often send us anonymous submissions too. Like this recent one that didn’t quite make the cut:

“I’m two months away from graduating from High School and I’m pretty nervouse and scared!!”

We didn’t post it— not because we don’t like you or because you spelled nervous wrong. But we wanted to acknowledge it anyway. Don’t worry little pepper pot. College is going to be fabulous (that is if you are going to college and you are going to Harvard… otherwise we’re not sure why you’re on this site or posting on our FML so we can’t make guarantees). Harvard pretty much spoils its students— and especially you Freshmen. You’ll make lots of friends because everyone wants friends and no one will know you fell on your face in your high school’s production of The Music Man because the hem on your costume was too long. My, my that was oddly specific. But I REALLY digress:

Chill out. Enjoy your senior spring, and do try your best to shake your senioritis before you get here. Even then it’s not the end of the world.

Love,

The Voice

U GUYZZZ I HOPE I GET INTO ELIOT HAUS!!!!!111 NOW SIGN MY SHIRT

We just heard about the most EPIC party. No, seriously. It’s a slumber party. For the freshmen. On the night of March 10th, 2010. Which just happens to coincide with the night of, uh, RIVER RUN.

After reading the description of the event on Facebook, we wanted to weep. Are these the kinds of lies we’re feeding the young ones these days? That the night before Housing Day, you’re supposed to wriggle into your cute jammies, bring a few pillows, and scrawl on cheap Hanes t-shirts with markers that are probably already too dry? That the night before Housing Day, you are to partake in this “much-cherished pre-Housing Day sleepover ritual”? (Note to freshmen: It’s not.)

Listen up, freshmen. The night before Housing Day (called “River Run” for you n00bz) is not meant for your ass to be wiping the gross, pillow-strewn floors of Annenberg whilst decorating cute shirts. The night before Housing Day is a night meant not to be remembered, but blurrily and hazily recalled the morning after (“I puked WHERE last night?!”). The night before Housing Day is a night in which a flask is highly advised. The night before Housing Day is a night  in which you are meant to go wild, party like you’re at a normal college like Tufts, and pay homage to the River Gods in any way possible.

[Disclaimer: The Voice does not endorse underage drinking or vandalism or fires.]

It looks like the College has decided to poop on Housing Day Eve as a whole. See the new policies after the jump. Class of 2013…looks like you’re SOL. Lucky number 13, eh? 

New Housing Day Eve policies:
• No Boats. Students who build boats in their rooms, and attempt to take
them from the Yard to the River will be stopped by HUPD officers who
will be stationed at various Yard Gates. Boats will be confiscated.
Students may not launch their boats on the Charles River (or any body of
water) because of the prohibition against open fires and because of the
litter and mess left in the River by these boats.
• No Fires. Open fires are prohibited by Cambridge City Ordinance.
• No underage public consumption of alcohol. Security Guards, Harvard
University Police, Cambridge Police, and the Massachusetts State Police
will be enforcing local laws regarding alcohol consumption.