Well, well, freshmen.  For those of you who haven’t yet gotten personal with Mr. John Harvard, tonight is the night for you to begin to work on that storied bucket list of things to do at Harvard before you graduate. Brave souls, check out this link on your guide to getting primal. However, for members of the Class of 2014 with less exhibitionist tendencies, Primal Scream may be a time to pop a squat on the sidelines of the Yard, to eye your classmates getting intimate with the night’s chill air.  For those of you in this latter category, The Voice has prepared the following list of dos and don’ts for Primal Scream observation.

1. Get there on time, leave early.  The participants commence their lap at the stroke of midnight, so tonight is not the time to be fashionably late.  No reason to linger long before or after either; it just seems over-eager.

2. Bring coffee and blankets! Just because the Screamers are exposing themselves to the vice-grip of Cantabrigian winter doesn’t mean you have to, as well.

3. Don’t mention to that random kid in section that you saw him doing Primal Scream, unless you have sufficient reason to believe that the revelation that you have seen his/her goods would be well-received.

4. Go with friends. Standing awkwardly alone to watch naked people becomes a little too voyeuristic even for this display of exhibitionism. For this reason…

What lie will we concoct to tell tourists about this Harvard tradition?

5. Leave your camera home. C’mon, the mental image of 500 of your classmates in their birthday suits should be more than enough to carry with you.  (Also, rumor has it The Voice will be getting some [completely PG and anonymous] pics of the event later tonight!)

6. If you’re planning to witness Primal Scream before you graduate, go your freshman year.  It becomes [a lot more] socially unacceptable to flock to gawk at naked people once you move out of the Yard.

7. Finally, if braving the cold for Primal Scream seems too daunting, be sure to check out the first floor of Lamont at around 11. Typically, the Dudley Co-op has brought the naked party there on the night before finals to ensure that even those who refuse to leave their Harvard study caves get in on the action.

Happy Primal Scream! (And remember, it is at midnight this evening of December 12, in the Yard.)

We feel you girl. We feel you.

The Harvard Voice can collectively agree that Universal Studio’s upcoming film Wolfman is bound to be one of 2010′s biggest thriller blockbusters. Directed by Joe Johnston, and led by a stunning cast including the always charming Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving, Benicio Del Toro, and Anthony Hopkins, the film takes the viewer on a jarring quest.

Lawrence Talbot (DEL TORO), is forced to return to his family home following the disappearance of his brother where he is reunited with his estranged father (HOPKINS). Instead of merely discovering the whereabouts of his brother, Talbot becomes aware of a serious affliction that has been facing his old village–namely, that a blood-thirsty beast has been targeting the citizenry and turning the bitten into werewolves upon a full moon. A Scottish Yard inspector has even come to the village to investigate (WEAVING). In order to end the terror and save the woman Talbot has fallen for (BLUNT), he decides he must be the one to kill the beast–but he ends up being bitten himself–revealing a side of his mind and nature he did not believe to exist. Ultimately, this film is a strong action flick that is bolstered by an extremely strong and well reputed cast. It is not one to disappoint: great costumes, pulse-racing action and music, and well-written dialogue.

The premise of the story is one we are not unfamiliar with. Recent films like District 9 depicted similar metamorphoses from the human to the non-human. Some may find the storyline to be a tired one, but the ability of the film to be both a period piece and a thriller allows it to evade the science-fiction-esque quality given to many of 2009′s films that appealed to this notion of Otherness. There is something much more haunting about an irrepressible change in self–and that is what makes this film so appealing to all audiences since it is so bundled up in the collective human fear of irreparable change in body, self, and control.

Given the number of people who spend their full moon nights at Lamont, it is only appropriate that you should be the first to go see this movie–since it’s basically about you. You know you can’t deny it. We see you running around the yard with your fur and your claws. Stop eating so much ramen werewolves. Just stop it.

In honor of the film’s upcoming release, The Voice has joined up with Wolfman and is doing a giveaway of some sweet wolf items. So hot right now. Send your best werewolf pictures of your nights at Lamont to voice.lamonsterwolfman@gmail.com and maybe you can get a poster that looks like you will at 4 a.m. tonight working on your PSET. Make sure to caption your photograph or we won’t think you’re funny.

THE WOLFMAN opens nationwide February 12th

Yes, we can: Barack advocates for better library etiquette.

Loud roommates and claustrophobic Dunster walk-through coffins usually drive people to settle for a long night at Lamont instead. But certain peers, like those who play Miley Cyrus at full volume through their earbuds, can sometimes make us wish we hadn’t trekked all the way to the yard in the first place. Noice sympathizes with those who can’t even find sanctuary at the library. Beware of some of these types of people who may transform what should be a studious environment an experience from hell.

The Widener Walker. Some like to take a break from reading room by browsing the books, but beware of these leisurely strollers. It’s not unusual to see a random person hovering in between the expansive stacks. What’s weird is when they inadvertently end up playing hide and seek with you as you look for that elusive copy of a circa-1960s porn manual for your Lit & Sex paper. Peek-a-boo at its creepiest.
The Cabot Concentrator. Those isolated study rooms in Harvard’s dingiest library look like prison cells for a reason. Aesthetic appeal doesn’t even make the list–people come here to get some serious shit done. Those coffee stains crusted over on virtually every desk would shock us, if not for the fact that there’s probably a guy right now sprawled over his problem set, drooling. Noice advises bringing your own Clorox wipes to get rid of all the mystery bodily fluids.
The Lamont Lurker. Please extrapolate those assumptions you’ve held all along–that kid never ever EVER leaves. Ever. An anonymous source who works a late night shift at access services confirms the fact that these Lamonters will leave their stuff on the table at around 5 in the morning to head back to their house for a quick shower, and promptly plop back at their third floor desk to stick their noses back in the books at around 7am. This urban legend appears more than likely, given…

Today’s public service announcement continues after the jump.
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Noice presents the first installment of its “Diary of A…” series.

12:45 a.m. – I think I have had at least twelve cups of coffee and successfully checked my Facebook more than I have showered this week in the span of an hour. I had to move out of the café because there was this study group there talking about how they found Zimbabwean money in their pockets this morning and then all I could think about was Zimbabwe and realized that, that had nothing to do with a paper on Virginia Woolfe. So, now I’m sneaking this cup of coffee upstairs.

1:17 a.m. – Oh my God, I swear the chairs on the third floor are laced with Ambien. I immediately nod off when I sit down in them. This is not going to work. Coffee I.V. anyone? Invent that. This is Harvard damn it. It’s times like these where I can’t decide if I should just go watch eight hours straight of A&E’s Intervention to feel better about my life in that I’m not snorting cocaine off of an elephant’s tusk or simply get into the zone and do some actual work. There is a kid across from me right now with a blanket and pillow. He’s in here for the long haul. I think I see food in his bag. Real breakfast of champions right there. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s one o’clock on Tuesday morning, and as my roommates and I give into procrastination, HarvardFML gets another hit. As they read each one out loud, I realize I am sitting here saying the words along with them even though the page is not open in my Firefox browser. It is then that I realize that I have visited the site so many times that I have memorized them. Every single FML that has been posted has been ingrained into my memory instead of the twenty amino acids I should be memorizing for Life Sci. Now that is a reason to say it. FML.

In the spirit of tonight’s late night realization, and in honor of the two-week anniversary of HarvardFML’s official launch, Noice presents, in no particular order, its top ten FMLs—these are the ones to commit to memory. After the jump!

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