While we were in the first floor reading room finishing an Expos paper due at midnight, we witnessed some shocking, random, and hilarious displays of intense exhibitionism.  Perhaps our Gmail outbox best represents the events in the hour leading up to Primal Scream:

10:52 PM:

There currently is a girl across from me in Lamont who has been taking off article of clothing by article of clothing while studying.  This has taken place over more than a half hour.  She is now down to literally just her underwear.

Nobody has reacted.  I actually don’t think many people have noticed.

Oh, wait…there are multiple girls doing it.

I think, at least five.  This girl across from me is the least afraid and got down to bra and panties first.  But another one just took her shirt off and three more are definitely on their way.

Anybody know what is happening?

Shit, paper due in an hour.  Focus, focus, focus…

Reply:

I think what’s happening is that you’re getting mentally tired and hallucinating what you want to see.

Read the rest of this entry »

by Anonymous

Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve all had our fair share of 3 a.m. scallion pancakes at The Kong after a long night out and, at the time, they’re always AWESOME. The Kong can also provide a haven for late-night p-setters, who are “just as desperate for food but sober, so the hunger strikes harder.” But the Kong opens at 11:30… a.m. What on earth happens there during normal business hours? The Voice ventures to find out.

5:00 p.m.: Yikes. Where is everyone? Where are the drunken students trying to figure out tip? The kid asleep on the table? Sketchy guy spitting game over spicy noodles? This is not the Kong I know and love.

Occupants of the Kong: One small family and a professor-looking person chowing down on fried rice. Was seated quickly and brought water and a menu. This is… not so bad?

5:10 p.m.: Water: refilled. Ordered: Scallion Pancakes, Crab Rangoon, Sesame Chicken, and Hot Basil Noodles. I am scared and excited for greasy Chinese all at the same time.

5:29 p.m.: Food arrives quickly, it looks… good?! First bites= Delicious, delicious Chinese. Total win. But after awhile, you start to get the feeling that without the heavenly glow of alcohol surrounding your Hot Basil Noodles, Kong food really is just mediocre Chinese fare.  This is like finding out Santa isn’t real all over again. I want Santa back.

5:56 p.m.: Three girls come in and start recounting their weekend final club conquests. I’m starting to feel more comfortable. Nighttime Kong does exist in milder daylight form.

5:58 p.m.: Hilarity of girls next to us wears off, carb coma sets in. Need. To. Move. Read the rest of this entry »

Though this may be old news (and though selectivity doesn’t necessarily imply superiority) we just thought we’d share from The Washington Post:

plbbbbpt!

Harvard invited 2,110 of the 30,489 applicants to attend, an admit rate of 6.9 percent, the lowest in Harvard’s history… Admit rates dropped at most of the other Ivy League schools, as well, and at other schools at the top of the selectivity list. Stanford admitted 7.2 percent of applicants; Yale, 7.5 percent; Princeton, 8.2 percent; MIT, 9.2 percent. All but Yale improved over last year’s rate.

Hmm, well a whole lotta good that “That’s Why I Chose Yale” video did. Maybe next time you can put some of that production money towards, we dunno… maybe sucking less? Pewp-heads! Neener neener neener!

At least it’s Cudi
And not some nineties hacks like
Chumbawamba, meh.

At least it’s light rain
and not some torrential crap.
Sorry New Jersey.

At least it’s HUDS food
and not the scraps the dog gets.
Oh. My b, it is.*

At least it’s Harvard
and not yo’ mama.
Funny? Nope, I’m so serious I’m not even counting syllables right now.

*Just kidding. We love you HUDS staff. Stay classy.

This week on the open_lists, one frustrated Leverettite addressed an issue that may point to the heart of student relations issues on campus (er…lack of “relations”, perhaps): WHY are the house condom boxes always empty?

Obvi not the Leverett hare.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: J.* <j———-@fas.harvard.edu>
Date: Mon, Feb 1, 2010 at 5:38 PM
Subject: Re: [Open] Empty Condom Box!
To: “C.” <c———-@fas.harvard.edu>
Cc: open@leverett.harvard.edu

Okay, in all seriousness, I realize sex is a taboo subject.

But given how wonderful sex can be and how rare it often is that the average Harvard undergraduate gets to enjoy it, I shudder at the thought of Leverites having no sex at all (or worse, unsafe sex) because a walk to UHS or CVS is such a hassle when you’re all hot and bothered.

Remember, a key component of effective sexual education is access to preventative materials, and the ability to talk openly about it through venues such as Lev Open.

So when someone fills the Condom Box, I hope he or she lets everyone know, and continues to do so on a regular basis.

Have fun y’all!

Best,
J. Click to read the responses

A doodle of a bad pun? How positively analog of us.

Hung up on the name? Well, what’s in a name? An iPad by any other name would still scrub Flash content as sweet. And most VES concentrators would agree… that bezel is fugly. But anyone who’s been in a large lecture hall knows that this school is chock full o’ Apple whores (er, SteveJobstitutes?).  So we know some of you will at least think about buying it. Is it honestly worth it? And amidst our iphones/ipods/ and MacBook( Pro)s, what could this possibly add to the already complex student experience? The reasons are sometimes subtler than you might think but here’s how this blogger sees it:

Rah-rah ah-ah-ah!

Well it’s Affordable? Kind of.

Yeah. So it’s not exactly friendly to those of us here on need-based scholarships. But at $499 you could waive part of your university health insurance, and even have enough left over to get those f*cking adapters (USB, really?). Just hope you never need a UHS prescription. [Note: avoid sweaty finals clubs where fist-pumping shirtless man-boys could fling body sweat into your face and give you conjunctivitis. Is that paranoid? Not if you can’t afford the copay.] Read the rest of this entry »

Hello Kitty + oil + curlers + snowballs = HUPD's January

Just because you go home, that doesn’t mean that HUPD stops working.  That said, the number of police reports did dramatically diminish over the past few weeks.  The decrease in the student body means fewer parties to shut down and fewer laptop thefts.  Even so, the Harvard Police Logs do not fall short when it comes to stories sure to make you laugh, tremble, or simply wonder.

This report from Christmas Eve is actually quite sad.  Don’t laugh.  That was somebody’s Christmas package.  Just picture somebody using all four of these gifts at once.  How happy would she have been then?

12/24/09 6:12 PM – 95 Prescott St. – Theft Report

Officer dispatched to take a report of items stolen from a package.  The package contained a Hello Kitty pajama set valued at $40.00, olive oil valued at $10.00, hair curlers valued at $35.00, and a snowball maker valued at $15.00. Read the rest of this entry »