Clearly high school students across America haven’t yet gotten the HUDS memo of “No More Korean Barbecue.”

If they did, then maybe this past week, good ol’ Harvard wouldn’t have topped the Princeton Review’s list of the Top 10 Dream Colleges. We reclaimed our golden spot from Stanford, who took last year’s prize for the most-fawned-over. Other schools making the list include Princeton, Yale, MIT and NYU.

So, despite the travesty of only a second-rate hip hop group coming to perform at our annual festival and the continued absence of hot breakfast, people still think Harvard’s a pretty awesome place to be. Quit your whining, folks.

Yes, we miss it, too. But shut up.

(Photo credit: temeculakoreanbbq.com.)

It was your typical Sunday mid-afternoon. Bleary-eyed freshmen dragged themselves to Annenberg, recounting stories from the night before. However, upon entering the Berg, they were transported. White tablecloths dressed each table, roses adorned the room, and John the expert card-swiper was sporting a beret. Confused, the freshmen surveyed the situation. No, they weren’t still drunk – all of the dining halls had been transformed into French bistros for the afternoon. After enjoying crêpes, brie, and baguettes, the students left Paris and re-entered Cambridge. Personally, I assumed the brunch was some bizarre isolated event for HUDS.

However, something miraculous happened the next Tuesday. Excited chatter echoed throughout Annenberg. After receiving multiple texts about the event, I immediately rushed to the Berg. I weaved my way to the center table, wondering, “Could it be?”  Yes, it was true – Annenberg had fresh fruit. Freshmen swarmed the table, startled by the fruit salad, blueberries, grapes, pineapples, and strawberries. These items felt so foreign and valuable. I piled my plate with pineapple and skeptically surveyed the hall – what was going on?

It turns out these weren’t one-time inexplicable events. Spring semester has breathed new life into the dining halls. Trying to create more diverse selection of meals, HUDS has tweaked their menu and added exciting new options.

Here are just a few of the new items to check out:

1. Make-Your-Own Korean Barbecue
2. Fresh Fruit Tuesdays
3. New fro-yo flavors (Wild blueberry and pomegranate? Wild is right.)
4. Muffin Make-Over (Fewer calories and more exciting flavors like Orange-Cranberry.)
5. More vegetarian options

If all of this is too much for you to handle, don’t fret – there will always be Tofu Parmesan and Obscure Chickpea Mush to make you remember the value of a home-cooked meal.

As if there were ever any question, thanks to this website, we will always know the answer:

#Tooreal.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, we’re not talking about the 101 dishes HUHDS can make with harvests from Harvard’s own squash farms.

(Image from GoCrimson.com)

At the Murr Center, Harvard’s hosting the 2011 CSA Men’s National Team Championships this weekend, from February 25-27. If you have time and want a break from the hectic life on this side of the river, we strongly encourage you to walk across the Eliot Bridge and explore the land of those who, according to the result of a recent UC survey, have the best social lives on campus.

And it’s easy to see why. The camaraderie is palpable, and these boys seem to share a strong bond that, at points, borderlines on childishness  - one of the nicknames shouted was “Dick Man.”  Anyhow, it’s nice to know that there’s a team behind you, cheering your name at the top of their lungs even though you’re one point short of losing the game. Looking at their bro-bonding moments, we felt all these tingly emotions we didn’t even know we had!

Then, these varsity athletes get into final clubs and have a whole army of “biddies” to make sure they feel encouraged and entertained at all times. But seriously, was anyone even surprised by the “revelation” of the UC Social Life survey? Athletes are satisfied. Final club bros are satisfied. Students stayed in because of either too much work, or exhaustion from having done too much work. In other news, it snows and rains a lot in Cambridge. Neeeeext!

At any rate, the event this afternoon was pretty well attended, parents even sprinkled the benches in eager anticipation of their overachieving children’s appearance. Our No. 6-seed team put up a good fight against No. 3 Princeton, but in the end the Tigers won 8-1. Oh well, we gotta give them something sometimes. Sitting in the audience, this writer almost wished she could play a competitive sport. If only walking up and down Newbury Street counts.

Time to kick Harvard to the wayside…it’s all about attending the most burger-ific school in the world! McDonald’s Hamburger University in China has an acceptance rate of less than 1%–more than six percentage points fewer than this past year’s acceptance rate at Harvard.

Hamburgers or hairy girls...that is the question...

While Harvard has record numbers of applications coming in year after year, its competitiveness is no match for numbers of McDonald’s managers vying to be trained in this prestigious program. In addition, there is NO tuition to attend Hamburger University, while tuition at Harvard has steeped to approximately $54,000. McDonald’s pays approximately $1,500 per person for them to partake in this intensive 5-day program.

Why are so many Chinese vying to learn the ways of Ronald McDonald? As of July 1, 2010, 26 percent of China’s 6.3 million college graduates were unemployed, and the fast-food giant offers the possibility of employment as well as opportunity to move up through the hierarchy of the system.

So ditch your psets, burn your books, and give away your winter coat–it’s about time we all head to China for a lesson off the Dollar Menu. How’s that for food for thought?

NOMNOMNOM food for thought NOMNOMNOM

(Video by Daniel Garber ’13. Accessed May 26th, 2010.)

For someone like me, the phrase “Annenberg card-swiper” conjures up frightening, embarrassing and (slightly) painful memories of being turned away at the door for having forgotten my Harvard University ID for the umpteenth time. For Nolan Pollock ’13, however, an Annenberg card-swiper named Francine inspires romantic verses.

Earlier this month, attendees of Annenberg’s hot breakfast were treated to an impassioned and dramatic recitation of Nolan’s 4th-winning entry in the Harvard Slam Poetry Competition, entitled “Oh, Francine!” Nolan stood atop a table, bathed in the yellow light of ‘Berg’s Harry-Potter-esque chandeliers, looked into the eyes of Francine and sang her praises in a way that would make Shakespeare proud.

Here are Voice’s favorite parts, even though pretty much every line is quotable.

“As I wait in line for my chance to dine,
All I can think about is making her mine
[...]

Oh, Francine!
For you, I must stop and thank the Dean
You’re like something out of a magazine
When you swipe my card, it’s almost obscene!
[...]

How can you resist my youthful zeal?
What do I have to do? Get down and kneel? (cute kneeling action)
YOU are an orange that I must peel!
[...]

This is not some emotional lie
Know that I am your guy!
I think about you always, in PhySci
I think about you always, in LifeSci
I think about you always, and inside.

Oh, Francine!
YOU, are my Annenberg dream.”

Awwww <3 The procrastination bit is a very nice touch. Extra brownie points for keepin’ it real.

In his response to Voice, Nolan expresses that his biggest fear was “to lose the crowd’s attention,” and he was relieved to find that everyone loved it. Nolan wrapped up his poem amid maddening applause from the ‘Berg crowd. The reaction of Francine herself was priceless. “She gave me a great big hug and a kiss afterward and was apparently talking about it to staff members all day. She even asked for a copy of the poem to show to her kids,” Nolan recalls. I can testify to this because by dinnertime that day, Oh Francine!-related chatters still abounded among HUDS staff in the servery. Also, Facebook reports that Nolan, who is a member of the Harvard Heavyweight Crew, is single, in case anyone was wondering.

Everybody loves a random, cute act of romance in Annenberg. (Remember the dude who asked his girlfriend to the Snow Ball from the balcony, complete with giant poster boards? Those kids are still nauseatingly in love, much to the chagrin of their lovelorn and cynical blockmates. JK!) And this act deserves to go into the history book of the Class of 2013. (Sex on the balcony, proposals from the balcony and slam poetry atop a ‘Berg table. It is a tough job keeping up with this class.)

Voice approves! <3 Almost makes me wish I could wake up in time for breakfast every once in a while.

ETA: The original version of this post misstated the owner of the Youtube video to be Daniel Goldhaber ’13. My apologies to both Daniels! I blame the 102 degree weather. I really do.

At least it’s Cudi
And not some nineties hacks like
Chumbawamba, meh.

At least it’s light rain
and not some torrential crap.
Sorry New Jersey.

At least it’s HUDS food
and not the scraps the dog gets.
Oh. My b, it is.*

At least it’s Harvard
and not yo’ mama.
Funny? Nope, I’m so serious I’m not even counting syllables right now.

*Just kidding. We love you HUDS staff. Stay classy.