Reading period is fast approaching.  You know what that means: winter formals.  Still don’t have a date?  You shouldn’t have to stress about that on top of your end-of-term projects and papers, so The Voice has some helpful advice for asking that cute girl/guy in the most easy, efficient, and thrilling manner possible.  (But if your desired date is a former hook up, think again.  Do you really want to spend that much time with this person with your clothes on?)

For girls: Write your number on your bra and toss it to attractive passersby from your window.  “Top of the Hub,” you say, batting your eyelashes, “Interested?”  “I like being on top,” your date replies.  Eyebrow wiggle.  And then you can work out the details on the phone, because you just (sort of) exchanged numbers.  Of course, this can also work for guys who wear bras.

For guys: Write your number on your boxers and toss it to attractive passersby from your window.  “When Hell Freezes Over,” you say, flexing abs that your target can’t see but can inevitably sense are rock-hard and recently oiled, “We can grind all night long.”  “Douchebag,” s/he yells in disgust, stomping away, leaving you to wonder what part of your invitation was offensive.

All right, this would work better with a different formal theme.  But anyway, if you’re a girl who wears boxers, you should give it a shot, too.

Variations of this technique include asking your potential date to coffee and personally handing them the undergarment (perhaps while throwing in quick caress of the wrist) when you part ways, and stuffing said undergarment into his/her backpack during section after you scribble your invite in his/her notes.

Now, we realize this may come off as a bit forward.  As countless posts on HarvardFML indicate, while Harvard students are leaders in their academic and extracurricular pursuits, they can be incredibly timid in the realm of romance.  The Voice would like to see Harvardians applying the assertiveness they demonstrate in HMUN meetings to dating.  That said, winter formals don’t even have to be real dates–they often aren’t!  You can totally rub up against people in a platonic way!  It happens on the T all the time!  Besides, you just gave a stranger your number on your bra, who do you think is in the position of power?

Here’s a reminder of what’s going down.

Adams: Harry Potter Winter Formal

Dec. 5, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Dhall

Dunster: Wintry Things

Dec. 8, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Dhall

Eliot: When Hell Freezes Over

Dec. 6, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Dhall

Kirkland: Holiday Dinner and Dance

Dec. 4, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Dhall

*restricted to Kirkland residents  (IncestFest…lol)

Leverett: Night at the Top

Dec. 2, 9 p.m.-1 a.m @ Top of the Hub Skywalk Observatory at the Prudential Center

Lowell: Yule Ball

Dec. 4, 9:30 p.m.-2:30 a.m. @ JCR

Mather+Winthrop Winter Formal

Dec. 3, 9:30 p.m.-1:30 a.m. @ Sheraton Commander Hotel

*restricted to Mather/Winthrop residents and their dates

The Quad: ICED

Dec. 5, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Westin Hotel

Quincy: Aurora

Dec. 4, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. @ Dhall

For Freshmen: A Midwinter Night’s Dream

Jan. 28, 9 p.m.-1 a.m. @ Boston Park Plaza

*restricted to freshmen

We get a lot of crazy people submitting to Harvard FML. Mostly high school students. Who are extremely confused about the fact that Harvard FML is indeed, only for Harvard students.

And then sometimes we get this:

Yeah, so anyway.

Hi everyone! Hope your summers have been grand so far.

Some of you may have noticed that the submission process for Harvard FML is a bit different now. Instead of typing in your FML on the home page, you must now go to a submit page.

Although we realize this may cause some inconvenience on behalf of our readers, our previous method of collecting submissions was a bit glitchy (it was cutting off submissions, not processing submissions all together, etc.) so we had to resort to a separate submit page.

If you’re a computer whiz and can help us figure out a simple way of returning it to the old process of submission-through-homepage, shoot us an email at thehvoicemail@gmail.com.

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Last Sunday, Reverend Jonathan C. Page, the Epps Fellow at Memorial Church, gave a sermon with a title we are all familiar with: “FML.”

Yes, the sermon was about Harvard FML.

Perhaps the greatest part of the sermon is hearing Reverend Page read aloud some of the embarrassing and outrageous posts from Harvard FML. Yet, he also explores with a critical eye the nature and the “disturbing” mentality that the website fosters, warning against the kind of cynical reduction which the three letters, “FML” may propose.

“Expressing frustration through FML might work, instead of just saying ‘don’t worry, be happy’…but is it ideal? Is that the way we should cope with the bumps of our life?” Page asks. “Everytime something bad happens you shrug it off with the phrase, ‘F my life.’”

Reverend Page strikes a chord in every Harvard student’s heart when he warns against seeing the world “through FML glasses.”

“You turn a written assignment, which might be an opportunity for learning and expanding your horizons, into a burden,” he says. “You take the complex world of relationships into the simple calculus of sex.”

Yet, Harvard FML does seem to have some redeeming qualities. Page explores some of the more serious FML posts that express deep pain, the ones that use FML as “a coping mechanism,” making light of difficult situations “so that others may see.” Read the rest of this entry »

The Voice Vixen is a collective username used by members and non-members of The Voice (girls AND guys) who wish to contribute articles related to sex, relationships, or lack thereof. Email us a piece to get published anonymously at thehvoicemail@gmail.com.

“I settle for a new hookup each weekend since no guy here wants a relationship. FML”

- HarvardFML, November 9, 2010

I’m tired of it. There have been a countless number of FML’s submitted by girls at this college who echo the sentiments of the statement above. Here’s the scenario: girl wants a relationship. Girl assumes the best way to do so is to hook up with every dangly piece of manmeat available. Girl ends up getting hurt after realizing dangly piece of manmeat is only seeking dangly parts of girlflesh.

Aw yeah. Get some.

Ladies, I’ve been there before. My freshman year was one filled with sexcapades galore — some with the hopes of a relationship, others not

so much. All involved some form of alcohol. The best lesson I learned though is not to give in to the theory that having a hookup is the only path to having a relationship. While there are some exceptionally rare cases (I’m sure there out there somewhere, although I’ve yet to see one), it doesn’t happen. You may think that a guy is really into you because he’s like, totally feeling you up on the dancefloor and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. You may think that a guy is really into you because you guys had like, a totally awesome conversation in bed the morning after. And he even walked you home! What a fucking gentleman! So you wait for him to contact you for lunch or dinner or something. And wait. And wait some more. Nothing.

Are these guys assholes? No. They’re just guys. But more than that, they’re guys who got the wrong impression from you. Listen lady, if you’re willing to wear a skimpy little outfit to a sweaty dancefloor, leave with some dude, do the pantless dance, and then give him a nice kiss goodbye…he’s probably 1) not looking for a relationship and 2) probably thinks that you’re not looking for a relationship either.

“Be a total bitch.” This is the best advice a guy has ever given me. What was the question I asked him? It was basically, “How do I express interest in a relationship without being a total slut?” And he told me to be a bitch. Did you just meet a dude? Great. Is he trying to stick his tongue down your throat? Okay, fine. Is he trying to manhandle your ladyparts? STOP. Be a bitch. Tell him no. He’ll get the point. If a guy is really into you, he’ll take the time and effort to get to know you instead of jumping straight to the goods. If he isn’t looking for something like that, he just won’t call or text or Gchat or Facebook you or whatever it is people do these days to stay in touch with would-be partners. And you’ll know that you should move on.

What do you think?

Here's a bunch of pictures of a facially expressive cat to make you feel better.

Dear PreFroshies,

Don’t worry that’s not what we really call you, that’s just a term of endearment we’re using for the sake of this letter. The Voice runs a little thing called Harvard FML. It’s really for us undergrads here at the school (and occasionally a sex-starved grad student) but you often send us anonymous submissions too. Like this recent one that didn’t quite make the cut:

“I’m two months away from graduating from High School and I’m pretty nervouse and scared!!”

We didn’t post it— not because we don’t like you or because you spelled nervous wrong. But we wanted to acknowledge it anyway. Don’t worry little pepper pot. College is going to be fabulous (that is if you are going to college and you are going to Harvard… otherwise we’re not sure why you’re on this site or posting on our FML so we can’t make guarantees). Harvard pretty much spoils its students— and especially you Freshmen. You’ll make lots of friends because everyone wants friends and no one will know you fell on your face in your high school’s production of The Music Man because the hem on your costume was too long. My, my that was oddly specific. But I REALLY digress:

Chill out. Enjoy your senior spring, and do try your best to shake your senioritis before you get here. Even then it’s not the end of the world.

Love,

The Voice

i had to take a break from reading comments to watch the opening segments of an old Ellen where everyone dances because i was getting anxious.

55 comments & counting.

I think it’s time to go regress and watch episodes of Arthur. Putting on the Christmas onesie…