i had to take a break from reading comments to watch the opening segments of an old Ellen where everyone dances because i was getting anxious.

55 comments & counting.

I think it’s time to go regress and watch episodes of Arthur. Putting on the Christmas onesie…

by Ingrid Pierre ‘12
December 2009 Issue

Dear Undergrads,

If you thought four days of Thanksgiving break were hard, try this newly extended break on for size. J-Term? More like “J-Terminate me, now”! Some of you may wonder, what’s so bad about several weeks of continuous break with family-members-who-love-you-dearly-and-haven’t-seen-you-in-months-and-want-to-catch-up-really-badly-but-not-before-you-show-them-how-to-work-skype-so-you-can-call-grandma-and-then-fix-the-TV-that’s-been-broken-since-you-left-because-no-one-else-knows-how-to-do-it? (Yeah…) Perhaps that’s assuming a great deal about your home life. But that’s just the thing; you do have a home life and a Harvard life. And if you’re an ordinary person, you should know that there’s a clear distinction between the two.

So for those of you who may not know what you’re in for this break, we’ve come up with a little advice on how to ease back into Kansas, Dorothy.

Social Etiquette:

• If someone asks you about school, just smile and say it’s all good. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT mention how horrible CS50 was or bring up any readings and assignments in conversation. No one cares. We mean it. Also, tone down the big words and use of obscure eponymous adjectives. While you may fling around a “panegyric”, “heteronormative”, or “Aeschylean” on the daily here, everyone else will think you’re a tool.
• Don’t wear your COOP approved Harvard gear in public. Keep a low profile, and don’t rub it in people’s faces that you go here, besides any schmoe can get a Harvard shirt. I mean your cousins probably wear theirs all the time (for the ladies, of course). Read the rest of this entry »

Continuing our Diary of a… series. Inspired by Harvard FML.

October 3, 2009: Damn it. My roommate came back while I was in the shower again. Singing. Loudly. No, I’m not in any of the a capella groups. WHY THE EFF IS PARTY IN THE U.S.A. SO DAMN CATCHY. I want my testicles back. I feel like R. Kelly. She’s like 11. But…I just want to move my hips like yeah. I guess I never got the memo…

These bros dig Taylor Swift. Do you?

October 23, 2009: On my run today “Nobody’s Perfect,” came on and I got caught at a light and couldn’t cross—and not realizing how loud it was playing and how much I was bobbing my head, a little girl, about the age of 12….yeah definitely 12, laughed at me. She laughed at me. I’m just going to Hemenway and watching some Ultimate Fighting while I pump iron. Just after I finish running to “Best of Both Worlds.”

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The shirt design. Dear Yale: FYL.

The Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra released its t-shirt design for Harvard-Yale. Its design trumps all the other clubs’ designs. And we’re being totally unbiased. Okay, not really. The shirts are a fun nod to Harvard FML and present a simple way of saying “YOU SUCK” to Yale.

So next week, when myriads of student groups wave their tempting shirts at you, you should make a beeline for these babies.

Yale University has created YaleFML.com. Can we get a “L-O-L”? There is no indication of any one organization in charge of the site, so we are assuming it is a personal venture of sorts. Noice is proud of them for following in our valiant footsteps. We challenge YaleFML to a duel of sorts. A duel of how f*cked our lives are, but I think they’ve just gotten a head start by virtue of copying us. Congrats!

Yale FML has also taken the initiative to create collegefml.com. “Want to start an FML for your school or become a moderator for your school’s FML?” the site reads. Looks like The Voice has created a monster. Sorry, world.

What are your thoughts on Yale FML?

Noice is proud to announce that The Voice and HUTV have partnered up to present to you the first ever Harvard FML Video Contest! Submit your FML on video and win an awesome prize. Your video will be posted on both HUTV, Harvard FML, and Noice. You will also probably become dangerously famous. Click here for more info on how to do this. Good night and good luck.

FEATURETTE: Voice editor Alisha Ramos ‘12 attended the aphrodASIA Speed Dating Event hosted by the CSA on Friday, October 30. These are her impressions of the event and the phenomenon of speed dating in a culture like Harvard.

Well hey. This is awkward.

Speed dating is the least romantic situation that exists. It is intimate in all the wrong ways. The bottles of San Pellegrino on the rose petal laden tables remain untouched by couples until the event is over. Like many of the heel-wearing, hair-gelled participants, the romantic fixtures and dim lighting can’t help but seem embarrassingly artificial. This is not a real date. The person across from you does not know you. You are sitting not in a fancy restaurant but in the empty, wooden expanse of Leverett Old Library. Yet you are given three minutes to rattle off everything you can about yourself without scaring the other person away. Soon, the questions become protocol rather than intrigue. “So what year are you?” a date asks me in unison with the guy next to him.

Speed dating requires endurance and agility. You must balance a calm demeanor while ignoring the fact that you are attempting to appear attractive to eighteen complete strangers. I have never been through a job interview, but I imagine this is what it would be like, but maybe eighteen times worse. What should be an enjoyable night of getting to know new people soon devolves into a frantic scurry to sell, sell, sell–yourself.

Also required is an amazing ability to focus. You are seated inches away from the couples next to you; the urge to eavesdrop on conversations (or non-conversations) is in constant battle with the willingness to listen to your own partner, however boring or intriguing. Before you can untangle the adjacent conversations from your own, the announcer harkens the end of another three minutes. Hands are shaken, and a new body sits across from yours. Read the rest of this entry »

CS50 professor David Malan has introduced a specialized feed for CS50-related Harvard FML posts on CS50’s main website. Is this cool? Totally. Is this also sad? Totally. While CS50 is one of the most popular and most talked about classes at Harvard, it seems like its latest p-set has caused students more grief than is desirable. Oh well. Keep submitting those coding frustrations to Harvard FML!

Side note: Check out the pretty sweet CS50 logo customized just in time for Halloween. Noice thinks Malan is a pretty cool guy.

Moderating Harvard FML has taken its toll on me. I know more about people’s messed up lives than I would like. As the gatekeeper of all things woeful for this site (but one of many gatekeepers, so please don’t be angry at me if we didn’t let your FML through!), I am subject to viewing some of the most hilarious, heartbreaking, or just plain stupid stories. I am so used to clicking the “delete” or “accept” button now that I have it down to a science. Hate Harvard? Sorry, but that one’s already been submitted. Delete. Go to Yale? Sorry, but that joke’s been made. Delete. Have three papers and a midterm this week? Sorry, but so does everyone else. Delete.

Read the rest of this entry »

Are YOU the “K-Pop loving Turk” of Harvard FML fame? Noice would like to speak with you. And gaze into your K-pop-loving eyes and offer you autographed Shinee albums. Contact us at thehvoicemail@gmail.com.

For those of you unfamiliar with our newest FML celeb, just click here, and ye shall be enlightened.

PS – Gov-20 Italian boy of Harvard FML fame, don’t think you’re off the hook yet. We’re coming for you too.

PPS – Same goes for Wigg A girl.

PPPS – Don’t be scared! You didn’t choose fame. It chose you.

It’s one o’clock on Tuesday morning, and as my roommates and I give into procrastination, HarvardFML gets another hit. As they read each one out loud, I realize I am sitting here saying the words along with them even though the page is not open in my Firefox browser. It is then that I realize that I have visited the site so many times that I have memorized them. Every single FML that has been posted has been ingrained into my memory instead of the twenty amino acids I should be memorizing for Life Sci. Now that is a reason to say it. FML.

In the spirit of tonight’s late night realization, and in honor of the two-week anniversary of HarvardFML’s official launch, Noice presents, in no particular order, its top ten FMLs—these are the ones to commit to memory. After the jump!

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