RelationshipsFML: Why He Hasn’t Asked You To Formal Yet
Posted by Some Dude on November 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Got a relationship question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com, and watch this space for my answer! Today, I’m going to respond to a recent HFML:
Can’t get the guy I’ve been seeing to ask me to formal. FML.
This does seem to come up a lot at this time of year! Broadly, the best way to handle this to this is to ask, not wait to be asked. But this is a good opportunity to think about some of the reasons guys don’t ask in situations like this:
He’s afraid you’ll say no. Overwhelmingly this is going to be the real reason. If you’ve been seeing each other but haven’t been to an event like this before as a couple, it may seem to him that this is a big step and he’s not sure you think the two of you are ready for it – even if he does. That good ol’ fear of rejection rears its ugly head, and feels very difficult to overcome. So he’ll play it safe and keep the relationship on the same level it’s been. This is pretty easy for you to overcome just by asking him to go. Or, if you come off as someone who thinks Valentine’s Day exists because retailers have willed it to be so, he may think by extension that you believe formals are phony and shallow and beneath you. Again, easy to overcome if you do the asking. Read the rest of this entry »


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