Someone’s VES thesis was a graphic novel. 1. Who is this person? 2. How do I meet them? 3. Why the hell am I in Gov? FML

(Source)

Last Friday, I had the honor of seeing such thesis and the wonderwoman who created it in person. As part of Dunster House’s Senior Theses Series, Mariah Bush, a senior VES concentrator, presented in front of a 20-odd person audience Elite, a graphic novel about a group of elite superheroes that was inspired by her time at Harvard. (We would inspire a superhero story, what with our fighting Gov, Math, five thousand extracurriculars and a horrifyingly non-existent dating culture at the same time. Duh.)

After a good 10 minutes struggling with the JCR door, I finally managed to get in by realizing that I was, in fact, supposed to pull. Just in time to see someone take the last piece of Finale dessert. Great. But I digress.

Usually, a thesis isn’t the kind of stuff that generates excitement. Conan O’Brien wrote a thesis during his senior year at Harvard concerning the use of children as symbols in the works of William Faulkner and Flannery O’Connor. In his words, “nobody is ever going to care.” That is perhaps putting it a little too harshly. But as I stood outside of Dunster JCR and saw a guy presenting his research project on a bug-eyed insect, I felt like going home (or more precisely, back to my comfy chair in Lamont, where I was cramming for my HAA 1 final the next day).  I’m sure it is all hard work that might potentially turn into something monumental, but it definitely isn’t the stuff I would joyfully jump out of my Lamont chair the night before a final exam and take a shuttle to see. (But I’m also a humanities nerd who’s too lazy to walk to Annenberg, let alone Dunster House, so what do I know?)

(Image: Mariah Bush ‘10 with her senior thesis, Elite – A Graphic Novel)

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Last Sunday, Reverend Jonathan C. Page, the Epps Fellow at Memorial Church, gave a sermon with a title we are all familiar with: “FML.”

Yes, the sermon was about Harvard FML.

Perhaps the greatest part of the sermon is hearing Reverend Page read aloud some of the embarrassing and outrageous posts from Harvard FML. Yet, he also explores with a critical eye the nature and the “disturbing” mentality that the website fosters, warning against the kind of cynical reduction which the three letters, “FML” may propose.

“Expressing frustration through FML might work, instead of just saying ‘don’t worry, be happy’…but is it ideal? Is that the way we should cope with the bumps of our life?” Page asks. “Everytime something bad happens you shrug it off with the phrase, ‘F my life.’”

Reverend Page strikes a chord in every Harvard student’s heart when he warns against seeing the world “through FML glasses.”

“You turn a written assignment, which might be an opportunity for learning and expanding your horizons, into a burden,” he says. “You take the complex world of relationships into the simple calculus of sex.”

Yet, Harvard FML does seem to have some redeeming qualities. Page explores some of the more serious FML posts that express deep pain, the ones that use FML as “a coping mechanism,” making light of difficult situations “so that others may see.” Read the rest of this entry »

A new series in which you didn’t ask for advice, but you’re getting it anyway.

Bitchgrams Presents: (un)FYL

Lately, moderating FML has started to seem like a full time job… working as a middle school guidance counselor, that is. One of the most common posts Harvard FML receives can be summed-up as: “SWEET JESUS SOMEONE DATE ME!” No need to worry, Bitchgrams is here to help.

Some highlights of Harvard’s lonely state:

Cougar, rawr.

I know more about radiocarbon dating than I do about the fun kind. FML

The cute girl I like doesn’t know I exist. I’m in a freshman seminar with her. FML

“I want your love. I don’t wanna be friends.” FML

My life is turning into Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” video but without the paper unfolding at the end. FML

I’m a freshman and I’m looking for a real relationship. FML

I think I may need to go visit another school to find guys to date. FML

My divorced mother has been on more dates than I have this year. She’s 56. FML

We draw the line at the divorced mother. Notice the trend?

Solution: Ask them out already.

Boys and girls, meet… boys and girls. Although asking a person out on a real live date is perhaps foreign to our generation, this technique has, in fact, worked for all the rest of history. Judging from FML there are a huge number of students looking for something more than a night in the Delphic basement. So get off FML and stop praying for speed dating… Seriously, right now. Ask him/her out for coffee, dinner, a night of drinking and poor decisions, text, call, awkwardly Facebook message. Point is, just do it and give The Voice less to worry about.

xoxo,

Bitchgrams

Meanies.

Harvard has recently undergone some pretty crappy media coverage. Today, the Wall Street Journal has also decided to jump on the media hatefest, proposing a “Harvard M.B.A indicator,” in which fewer Harvard M.B.A.s entering the financial industry is better for the market

“[Ray Soifer] calls it a “rather esoteric but nonetheless generally accurate” long-term indicator of the direction of stocks. According to the index, when Harvard graduates pile into Wall Street jobs, the market is probably overheated and could be heading for a tumble.”

So let’s recap: Fewer Harvard grads on Wall Street = better economy. FML

Noice presents the first installment of its “Diary of A…” series.

12:45 a.m. – I think I have had at least twelve cups of coffee and successfully checked my Facebook more than I have showered this week in the span of an hour. I had to move out of the café because there was this study group there talking about how they found Zimbabwean money in their pockets this morning and then all I could think about was Zimbabwe and realized that, that had nothing to do with a paper on Virginia Woolfe. So, now I’m sneaking this cup of coffee upstairs.

1:17 a.m. – Oh my God, I swear the chairs on the third floor are laced with Ambien. I immediately nod off when I sit down in them. This is not going to work. Coffee I.V. anyone? Invent that. This is Harvard damn it. It’s times like these where I can’t decide if I should just go watch eight hours straight of A&E’s Intervention to feel better about my life in that I’m not snorting cocaine off of an elephant’s tusk or simply get into the zone and do some actual work. There is a kid across from me right now with a blanket and pillow. He’s in here for the long haul. I think I see food in his bag. Real breakfast of champions right there. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s one o’clock on Tuesday morning, and as my roommates and I give into procrastination, HarvardFML gets another hit. As they read each one out loud, I realize I am sitting here saying the words along with them even though the page is not open in my Firefox browser. It is then that I realize that I have visited the site so many times that I have memorized them. Every single FML that has been posted has been ingrained into my memory instead of the twenty amino acids I should be memorizing for Life Sci. Now that is a reason to say it. FML.

In the spirit of tonight’s late night realization, and in honor of the two-week anniversary of HarvardFML’s official launch, Noice presents, in no particular order, its top ten FMLs—these are the ones to commit to memory. After the jump!

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This morning around 12:00 a.m. EST, an announcement was made on HarvardFML. A message was posted which read,

I’ve realized that girls here are either uninteresting legacies/athletes/prep-schoolers or very, very unattractive. FML.

Now, this was a blow which could be tolerated. However, and ladies please prepare yourselves, a commenter named “mrcockblaster” agrees, stating, “word.” That’s right; “mrcockblaster” is disappointed with us, which leaves only one logical option:

TO CVS! Please ladies, before going out in public, at least try to make yourselves presentable to our (obviously) universally-hot male counterparts. Lipstick! Nail polish! Really, whatever we can do to hide our warthog likeness.

Now we may be some of the smartest young women in the country, but we really shouldn’t forget our place here. Perhaps you should revisit your admissions letter…

HARVARD COLLEGE OFFICE OF ADMISSIONS AND FINANCIAL AID
BYERLY HALL- 8 GARDEN STREET- CAMBRIDGE MASSACHUSETTS 02138

“Dear Ms. _________,

I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions and Financial Aid has voted to offer you a place in the Harvard Class of 2011 as campus scenery for our male students. Following an old Harvard tradition, a certificate of admission and a mini-skirt are enclosed. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements. We look forward to seeing (not hearing), you in the Fall.

And a final note on propriety: Yes, we do have the same demanding schedules, p-sets and practice hours as the men… but please! How are we ever supposed to snag a “Harvard Hottie” like “mrcockblaster” (posting comments on Harvard FML at midnight) if your hair is in a ponytail and you look sleep-deprived? We should really expect more from ourselves…

Artist’s best approximation of “mrcockblaster:”

Harvard girls are ugly. Word.