Posted by Dustin Poore on December 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Be it trying to clean the shame of that Saturday night out of upperclassmen bathroom for Dorm Crew or be it shelving books in Widener as you try desperately –for the love of God–not to see the naughty bits of those adventurous persons fulfilling the holy trinity of Harvardian activities, some of us are blessed enough to have jobs besides being a student.
And besides getting paid for mindless labor, sitting on your ass while you do your homework, or whatever perks your job may offer, we all know there are certain intangible and yet glorious qualities to being somebody’s bitch.
I was supposed to be at work at 11:45. I just woke up. This is not class. The Box Office does not work on Harvard time. Oh well, might as well stop and get some breakfast if I’m going to be late anyway. 7-11 heartburn here I come. Sooo worth it.
The Box Office is supposed to open at noon. My manager’s not even here yet. Figures.
I cannot handle the patrons coming to purchase tickets. When I give you a map, do not tell me that you will cherish it forever. When I tell you there is a discount for children under twelve, do not ask if that applies to midgets as well. By the way, correcting yourself to say dwarf does not make it any better. When I tell you how much it is, do not stare at me blankly and pretend I was going to give you tickets for free. These are the rules via which transactions work. In general, don’t be batshit. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Bonnie Cao on November 26, 2009 at 5:15 am
We all love holidays, we all love home, and we all love pecan pie. Highly probable generalizations aside, yet another to be added to the list is that we all hate waiting. As someone who will actively trade Space Mountain for the Alice in Wonderland teacups at Disneyland because of said hatred, I must thus turn to the only website that can alleviate this frustration – no, not Perez, as much as I love his coke-dripping and groin-heart-ing scribbles – but VeryNoice. So begins the Diary of a Holiday Traveller – oh, and all the things I’m thankful for.
3:37 pm: Dear Mom, I know you like to be prepared and arrive three hours before international flights … and domestic flights, and I wholeheartedly believed you and completely agreed about your fear of the Thanksgiving holiday travel rush. Which is why I listened and bought a 3 pm HSA Shuttle ticket for my 7:30 pm Logan flight -you know, just to be on the safe side. Well .. the shuttle took a whole 27 minutes, check-in took a whole 2 seconds (checked-in early, carry-on luggage only – wootwoot), security took 10 minutes – 3 not counting the wild-eyed cat lady in front of me who thought “taking off your shoes” meant opening your luggage and taking out every single pair of Reef and Old Navy flipflops in your suitcase – which leaves me with …. 3 HOURS and 53 MINUTES to kill. Danke.
3:40 pm: Decide to buy a Chai Tea Latte at Starbucks. It just looked so warmly lit and homey, and I’m a sucker for those red holiday cups – it’s like Christmas joy … in a cup. A pilot hands me a cup sleeve when I get my drink with a wink reminiscent of all things 80s and gag-worthy, and informs me that it’s his “early Christmas present to me.” Thanks dude.
3:48 pm: Thanks to AIrwaves – “the official sound of Boston Logan Airport,” I have learned that GOD (aka Google) has given the ultimate holiday gift to travelling college students with overly-prepared parents everywhere – FREE WIFI! None of this $7.50-for-the-day-when-you’re-really-only-spending-an-hour-(or 3 hours and 53 minutes)-in-the-airport-anyway shiet! YES! FREE! THANK YOU GOOGLE. Oh, and Airwaves I guess you get a thank you too. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Kathleen French on November 13, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Continuing our Diary of a… series. Inspired by Harvard FML.
October 3, 2009: Damn it. My roommate came back while I was in the shower again. Singing. Loudly. No, I’m not in any of the a capella groups. WHY THE EFF IS PARTY IN THE U.S.A. SO DAMN CATCHY. I want my testicles back. I feel like R. Kelly. She’s like 11. But…I just want to move my hips like yeah. I guess I never got the memo…
October 12, 2009:
These bros dig Taylor Swift. Do you?
Caught humming “Love Song,” in the line in Annenberg today. New low. Wasn’t even a girl, couldn’t have played it off as the sensitive guy moment—like yes I do understand your soul and I would never be responsible for the teardrops on your guitar. It was some guy on the football team. He could take me with his pinky. He could take me out in one pinky slash. Thanks Taylor Swift.
At least my death will be swift.
October 23, 2009: On my run today “Nobody’s Perfect,” came on and I got caught at a light and couldn’t cross—and not realizing how loud it was playing and how much I was bobbing my head, a little girl, about the age of 12….yeah definitely 12, laughed at me. She laughed at me. I’m just going to Hemenway and watching some Ultimate Fighting while I pump iron. Just after I finish running to “Best of Both Worlds.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Kathleen French on October 19, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Continuing Noice’s “Diary of A…” series. This is installment number two.
1:00 p.m. – Still have seven minutes before class starts. I show up on Harvard time because I can. Because I’m a sexy teacher. Because half the class is hott for teacher. Because I grade their papers and they undress me with their eyes.
1:07 p.m. – Yeah, that girl just swooned a little. Eye contact averted with her. Good class today. I’m feeling it. Let’s talk about sadomasochism shall we?
1:13 p.m. – Wow that girl just accidentally said “orgasm,” instead of “organism.” She has since gone to the bathroom. Can’t wait for her to come back.
1:17 p.m. – Oh, she came back. No need for any more blush today.
1:20 p.m. – Did someone seriously just ask me if I’ve ever experimented with this stuff? We’re reading “Venus of Furs,” this is not an episode of Maury. God, I look good today.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Kathleen French on October 13, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Noice presents the first installment of its “Diary of A…” series.
12:45 a.m. – I think I have had at least twelve cups of coffee and successfully checked my Facebook more than I have showered this week in the span of an hour. I had to move out of the café because there was this study group there talking about how they found Zimbabwean money in their pockets this morning and then all I could think about was Zimbabwe and realized that, that had nothing to do with a paper on Virginia Woolfe. So, now I’m sneaking this cup of coffee upstairs.
1:17 a.m. – Oh my God, I swear the chairs on the third floor are laced with Ambien. I immediately nod off when I sit down in them. This is not going to work. Coffee I.V. anyone? Invent that. This is Harvard damn it. It’s times like these where I can’t decide if I should just go watch eight hours straight of A&E’s Intervention to feel better about my life in that I’m not snorting cocaine off of an elephant’s tusk or simply get into the zone and do some actual work. There is a kid across from me right now with a blanket and pillow. He’s in here for the long haul. I think I see food in his bag. Real breakfast of champions right there. Read the rest of this entry »