Real live palm trees!

I am a junior in college and Spring Break 2012 marks the first time that I have ever traveled west of New York State. Before you judge me, though, know that I go all or nothing. As in, for my first trip west, I went all the way to California (and I am SO sorry to anyone who makes that plane trip regularly. Six hours is a long time to sit). To Santa Monica, actually, which is apparently one of the most beautiful cities in America. Not that I’ve seen a whole lot of other cities, but this is what people tell me. Anyway, spring break in Cali…Woooo! Wouldn’t you know that it was warmer in Cambridge than in Santa Monica for EVERY SINGLE DAY that I was out there for break. Hrmpf.

zomg it's the circus.

But whatever, the point is that I was in the illustrious California for the first time ever and that was awesome sauce just on its own. I have to assume that I stuck out as an east-coaster, though, based on my total lack of understanding of, well, basically anything out there. The west coast is not part of the United States (as I know it). It’s another planet. Here are a few gems that stuck out about the Santa Monica/LA/Beverly Hills area:

1. Everybody jogs. Like seriously, everyone. And at all hours of the day. I was also out there on the day of the LA Marathon and I’ve never felt like such a slug as when I was surrounded by a horde of super-fit people wearing “I finished the marathon!” capes and grinning like over-exercised labradors.
2. Everyone has a tiny dog. Sometimes, people carry them in purses. I thought that only movie stars and Paris Hilton (yes, that’s two different categories) did that.
3. All of the women are blonde, tall, and skinny. All of the men are burly, tan, and dashing. Not a single person “could use some sun.”
4. Ladies will wear Uggs in sixty-degree weather. Apparently, that’s “cold.”
5. Parking doesn’t make any sense. 50% of parking is in expensive garages/lots, 40% is valet, and the other 10% consists of meters that are never empty anyway.
6. California really likes frozen yogurt. I thought Harvard Square was cool because we have 2 vendors, but Santa Monica sort of beat us out on that one. Smoothies, too.
7. Everyone is really cheery. Apparently growing up where the sun shines constantly will do that for you.
8.  –>
   

   California goes hardcore on the seaweed.

West-coasters, what was your first impression of Cambridge/the east coast? Did you feel as out of place as I felt going the other way?

Now that we’ve sounded just a little needy and insecure, here’s the Harvard Good Guy meme to make us all feel a little less pretentious. A little sweet to go with the sour, if you will.

Get it here while it’s fresh. (We hope) this one’s bound to blow up.

Today, one of my House tutors held his office hours not from behind his desk, but from behind the information table at Occupy Harvard.  You know what I have to say to that?

Rock on.

The Yard’s tent city has become the subject of such hot debate over the last few weeks, but for all the wrong reasons.  I’ve heard a lot of students complain about the “inconvenience” of having to show their IDs to get into the Yard, or of having to choose an open gate because their regular route of travel has been cut off. It seems that students have pushed more of their energies into finding alternate walking routes through the Yard than into thinking about why Occupy Harvard has been constructed in the first place.

Every day in class, we as students are encouraged to ask questions, challenge conventions, and think of ways in which we can change our world. This is exactly what Occupy Harvard has aimed to do; yet, it has been received by the Harvard community in an embarrassing and rather sad manner. The Occupy movement is worldwide and has opened countless opportunities for debates, panels, speakers, and education. This is a prime opportunity to discuss the situation at hand, no matter which side of the issues you’re on.

Instead, the student body has polarized between two extremes, to the point where it seems like if you’re not with Occupy Harvard, you’re expected to hate it. I’m not shocked that this movement has made its way to Harvard, but I’m pretty surprised by how it’s been dealt with by the administration.

Faced with a tent city and a sterling reputation to uphold, Harvard locked down the Yard and then sent out an email to all students describing why it all simply had to be that way. In a place where we should be encouraged to challenge and question what’s put in front of us, I think it’s pretty embarrassing that the administration would rather put a lid on the whole issue. I won’t pretend to have all of the answers to the current Occupy Harvard situation, but here’s my short list of what I think the movement could and should have led to:

1. Discussion between administrators and protesters about the issues at hand.
2. Invitations to outspoken economists, politicians, Occupy leaders etc. to visit campus and lecture on their views.
3. Panels of prominent speakers on BOTH sides of the issues to engage students in debate about what has become a global movement.
4. Collaboration between undergraduate departments (perhaps Economics and Government?) to encourage student-run debates.

They have elicited various “Wows” and “Do these guys actually go to Harvard?” comments from onlookers at the Activities Fair earlier this year. Don’t miss out!

Specs: 11.0″ x 8.50″ on glossy calendar paper, printed by Vistaprint.

Price: $12. (Similar calendars sell for $16 on Vistaprint.)

Free shipping by campus mail for Harvard students. Non-Harvard buyers will be charged a flat shipping rate of $3.

Click below to order. Follow the jump for a sneak preview and acknowledgements. You know you want to Facebook-stalk our models ;)

Sneak Preview:

Producer: Michelle Nguyen

Photographers: Kane Hsieh and Heidi Lim

Stylists: Thomas Dai and Schuyler Polk

Hair (on selected models) by Plan B Hair Salon, 99 Mt. Auburn Street

Special Thanks to Pratyusha Yalamanchi, Emily Rutter, Maria Shen and Samuel Lipoff

We’d also like to thank April Sperry, Ricardo Medina, Ingrid Pierre, Alisha Ramos, Collins Riggan, David Goode, Casey Thomson, and various random people in Adams House’s courtyard who lent us their football and reading glasses during the photo shoot.

Models (with class year, in order of appearance):

Gary Carlson, 2013

Charlie Cabot, 2013

Henry Woodward-Fisher, 2012

John Henry Hinkel, 2012

Eddie Horgan, 2014

Bret Voith, 2011

DJ Smolinsky, 2011

Alex Hugon, 2011

Rossi Walter, 2014

Michael Pena, 2013

Spencer Vegosen, 2012

Spenser Goodman, 2014

Jake Boy, 2014

Matt Brown, 2014

Rob Longcor, 2012

James O’Connor, 2013

Jeff Lee, 2011

Hugh Martin, 2012

and Cullen McAlpine, 2011.

Rockstar Status.

Source

According to this here Huffington Post article, Lady Gaga recently announced that she will be teaming up with the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, the California Endowment, and the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University to create the Born This Way non-profit foundation.

Gaga and her mother will head the foundation, which she states will strive to “establish a standard of Bravery and Kindness, as well as a community worldwide that protects and nurtures others in the face of bullying and abandonment.” Kudos to Mother Monster for the inspiring message, and to the Huff Post author for turning Bravery and Kindness into proper nouns by capitalizing them!

Let’s give a round of applause to Lady Gaga for attacking bullying head-on, and for using her fame (monster) to spread the message of equality and compassion.

Mark Zuckerberg, Harvard drop-out and founder of Facebook, is returning to campus on Monday to recruit for his multi-billion dollar social networking behemoth (source: The Boston Globe). That noise you hear is all the Computer Science geeks on campus erupting in tears of joy.

In eager anticipation of what will surely turn out to be a scene of Zucks getting mobbed, Noice has compiled a list of things you can do in order to impress him within your allocated time of a minute-and-a-half. Be sure to thank us when you’re employed!

1. Come decked out in blue. Blue shirts, blue boxers, blue shorts, blue beanies (it will be cold, like it is for ten months in a year), blue nails, what have you. Paint your face blue and scribble “Facebook” in white across your forehead. It’s only fitting that the t-shirt for Kirkland House, Zucks’ former residence, is blue. Steal one of those. Nothing says commitment like being a walking banner of Facebook.

2. Bring an Asian girl along as your (real or fake) girlfriend. Zucks’ engaged to one, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

3. Every time Zucks utters a complete sentence, scream “LIKE.” After five times, ask out loud: “IS THERE A LOVE BUTTON FOR THIS?”

4. Come with a 50,000-word thesis binder on “How to Improve Facebook,” introducing functions like keeping out the fatties and uglies. You don’t want Facebook to follow Myspace’s downward spiral into ghetto obscurity.

5. If you’re musically inclined, write a song about how Facebook is your life and sing it. Get one of your buddies to do beat-boxing. Everyone loves free entertainment.

6. Pitch your idea of Facemesh.com, a website modeled after Zucks’ own Facemash which allows users to rate the attractiveness of their peers. Facemesh, however, allows you to pick a mating partner based on how attractive your offspring is going to be – the product of meshing your own face with that of a rando from your school. We must always think about the future.

7. It’s never too early to get your own set of “I’m CEO… bitch” name cards.

8. Kidnap Zuck, or better yet, stalk him. Notoriety trumps anonymity.

9. Don’t, for the love of God, mention your recent initiation into the Phoenix S.K., your membership in AEPi, your father’s distant cousin’s nephew’s brother’s membership in the PC, or your involvement with anything Fratty McDouchie on this campus (re: The Social Network). But feel free to bring Zucks some pie. Remember: If all else fails, bribe.

10. It’s crucial to work out beforehand so you can push all the other overeager geeks out of your way and gain some face time with Zucks. If you notice the conversation going south, try to grab a handful of his curly hairs, or rip a piece of his shirt. Proceed to frame these and sell them on eBay. You’ll make a ton of money, and Zucks will appreciate your entrepreneurial spirit so much that he’ll be obliged to give you an intern position or something. Either way, it’s a win-win situation.

As someone with a fairly accurate gaydar (since I have a gay roommate, various Gay Best Friends sprinkled across the globe, and have frequently been described as “a gay man in a female body”, I don’t think this is a compliment), I feel obliged to help prevent fellow heterosexual girls from the tragic mistake of falling for, dating, marrying, or reproducing with a gay guy. I would, however, turn a blind eye to drunken exchanges of saliva with attractive members of the opposite but homosexually-oriented sex (did I just invent that term? Anyway…). Every girl has those moments.

THE QUIZ: Add one point if your boyfriend/crush has one of these characteristics. (BE HONEST!)

- He has more than two pairs of skinny jeans.

- He fits into your skinny jeans. (And you know this because he’s tried them on.)

- He notices when you wear the same outfit for two days in a row.

- He never wears the same outfit for two days in a row.

- He notices when you haven’t straightened your hair.

- He straightens his hair.

- He notices when one of his arm hairs is longer than the rest.

- He is genuinely and visibly distressed by said hair.

- You frequently catch him checking himself out and fixing his hair in the mirror, on the side windows of CVS, on the front screen of his Blackberry, or on the back of his iPhone.

- He uses Wet Wipes for the toilet seat in his bathroom.

- He uses terms like “totes whatever floats your boat,” “whatevs,” “ewwww,” “ughh.” Note the prolonged pronunciation of syllables. In fact, if he whines those words long enough that you start to notice time elapsing, add one more point.

- He says things like “Those shoes make her calves look fat.”

- He knows the difference between a romper, a jumpsuit, overalls, and a dress.

- He knows what a romper is.

- Wave a fake spider/cockroach/mouse in front of him and his scream rivals the decibel level of a small jet taking off.

- He’s reluctant to help you take out the trash on a rainy day because it might ruin his new Sperrys.

- He has a girly, high-pitched, giggly laugh. See: Anderson Cooper’s video on YouTube.

If your boyfriend/crush/random run-in in the Yard wears khaki pants with tennis shoes, minus a million points. You’ve got yourself a keeper! Now you can start working on revamping his wardrobe.

If your boy has accumulated more than 12 points at this stage, then chances are, he doesn’t swing for your team. My condolences. But welcome to the club of girls-who-crush-on-(gay)-boys! My congratulations! (Hey, being a part of a group means something at Harvard.)

But seriously though, my motto at Harvard is that “Every (good-looking, well-mannered, well-spoken, obsess-worthy, etc.) guy is gay until proven otherwise.” I’m just saying.

Disclaimer: This quiz is not meant to be 100% accurate or politically correct.

Special Thanks to my roommate, Ricardo Medina, for inspiring me. As always, dude. *high five* 

Last year, someone took a big ol’ poo in Quincy (and then stuffed it in a dropbox) and what WHAT what, it’s happened again, but this time in the Quad. We received this message that was sent over Pfoho’s house mailing list, and oh how we cringed.

“I stepped out of my room in Wolbach this morning and was greeted by an awful smell. Then I noticed a giant pile of shit on the stairwell between the second and third floors. I don’t know who’s responsible for the act itself and I wouldn’t care if the mess could somehow clean itself up. But it can’t. And the custodians should not have to deal with it. If you know who might have done it (whether you were with them when they did or hosted one of the watering holes they passed through on what must have been a pretty crazy night) please get in touch with that person and tell them to come over to the Wolbach stairwell and clean up their mess. Restore my faith in humanity because right now I’m pretty pissed off.”

Party fouls happen, but that’s no excuse to take a dump on the stairs. Also, once is an accident and twice a coincidence. One more doodie incident will turn this whole situation into a big shitty pattern. Let’s not let it get that far, mmm?

STOP IT, KAY?

According to this Daily Finance article, Harvard’s endowment rose 21.4% in the last fiscal year, to close at $32 billion dollars. In case you missed it, the endowment dropped to a meager $26 billion when the economy totally ate it. Harvard was shocked by its newfound poverty and responded by seizing upperclassman hot breakfast and totally ruining everyone’s mornings.

But not to fear. Harvard’s making bank once again, meaning that we should be seeing the perks and bennies in the near future, right?

Here’s a list of things that I think would be appropriate to spend all that cash on.

1. Hot breakfast for all (duh)
2. More shuttles
3. Friday and Saturday brain breaks
4. Cleaning the Science Center bathrooms
5. More reliable Wi-Fi
6. An online course pre-planning tool that doesn’t make me want to punch my computer
7. Free kittens for all students

Please, Harvard?

Are you that kid? Take our quiz:

1. Do you get antsy when someone besides you answers a question?
2. Do people snicker when you raise your hand?
3. Does the TF cringe a little bit when you raise your hand?
4. Are you the only one who speaks in section? Ever?
5. Do you think that you have all the answers? Every time?
6. Do you stay after class to chat it up with the TF, even if you don’t have a question?
7. Do you email your TF more than twice a week?
8. Are you thinking to yourself, “Hmmm, we actually don’t have one in my section?”
9. >>

Are you this excited? Always?

Link

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you’re probably that kid. For the sake of EVERYONE else in your section, stop it.

And don’t even get me started on lecture kid…

The Trivalry

1. Rafael Nadal – The Pit Bull

- What he’s famous for:The 25-year old Spaniard is the defending champion and current world No. 1 tennis player. Nadal’s rise to the top was as meteoric as it was spectacular. He turned pro at 15, beat Federer, the then world No. 1, for the first time at 17, and never looked back. He’s won all four major tennis tournaments, a gold medal at the Summer Olympics, and at Roland Garros alone he’s been crowned five times. Watch Nadal roam the court like a pit bull on steroid, while his opponent breaks a bucket of sweat in exhaustion and exasperation. It’s fun.

- What he’s infamous for: the permanent wedgie, made very in-your-face by the constant close-up camera shots of his Capri pants which cannot be any tighter. It’s tempting to imagine that Nadal’s constant tugging of his pants behind his ass might be a tactic to distract the opponent. Nadal also has a particularly “flamboyant” dressing style. He’s almost always in sleeveless tops of super bright colors, such as orange, and then pair that with, say, green pants. You can practically see him from Mars. Or the nosebleed section of the stadium, which actually is helpful.

He’s so rich that he basically owns a Spanish soccer team, Mallorca. He’s an avid soccer fan and was one of only six non-staff people allowed into the locker room of Spain’s national soccer team after it won the World Cup in 2010. He’s also the new face of Armani underwear. (Hence the picture on the left.) I’ll give you a few moments to regroup. Methinks he should just ditch the hideously colored clothes and go the way nature intends it!

He might be going bald very soon though, so enjoy the pretty while it lasts.

2. Novak Djokovic - The Djoker

The 24-year-old Serb is somewhat of a late bloomer. Winning his first Grand Slam in 2008, his fire never flared up but only fizzled out, and he seemed permanently stuck outside of the Nadal-Federer rivalry. For a while, it was almost sad to watch Djokovic played because he’d be awesome and then, before you knew it, he’d be keeling with some kind of pain or injury or something. He had so much potential, and then something happened.

Turns out, that “something” is gluten. Djokovic’s nutritionist recently discovered that the scrawny Serb is intolerant of the protein. A gluten-free diet later, and voila! He is on fire! In 2011, Djokovic has snatched his second Grand Slam at the Australian Open, taken the world no. 2 spot and scooped up an impressive 42-match winning streak (including four against Nadal, something he’s never accomplished before) in the process. Only 2 other players could beat that record in the history of modern tennis.

- What he’s infamous for: his uncanny impersonations of other high-profile players, from Nadal’s ass-grabbing to Roddick’s serve to Sharapova’s girly movements on court. Hence the nickname – the “Djoker.” Djokovic is a goofball. This is an example of personality trumping looks, making some scrawny-looking dude with a nondescript buzz cut one of the hottest things in the sports world. Well, personality and lots and lots of money. And professional success.

3. Roger Federer – The (Aging) Master

The thing about Rog (yes, my good friend) is that he’s perfect. Even Djokovic said that he couldn’t do an impression of Federer because the Swiss is perfect. Just yesterday a French commentator called him “l’élégance absolue.” One of his sponsors is Rolex, and what could be more perfect than that? It’s widely acknowledged that he’s one of the greatest tennis players the world has ever seen. I won’t bore you with the statistics.

Federer plays with so much control and grace. Every swing of the racquet is a culmination of intelligence and impeccable skills. There’s never any outbursts of anger when he loses, no shrieking when he hits a winner, just one clenched fist and a subdued smile. That’s why when he sheds tears upon winning (or, on the off chance, losing) a championship, everybody cries with him.

And then, he ages. Federer is turning 30 this year and while he probably still has a few years left, it’s likely that the former world No. 1 and the most universally liked athlete the sport has seen in a while, is past his prime. Sadness. (Sidenote: in comparison, the French are notoriously not fond of Nadal, even though his matches are quite something to see. I’m suspecting they don’t fancy his sense of style.)

Oh and he’s also happily married.

Everybody Else

- The Brit: The hopes and dreams of Great Britain lie within the hands and injured ankle of Andy Murray, a young, curly-haired Scotsman. Britain, the host country of the most generous Grand Slam of all – Wimbledon, which is played on grass courts and requires all players to wear white – has yet to see any of its players win a Slam in 75 years.

- The Swede: Robin Soderling remains the only man in the past six years to have ever defeated Nadal on the clay court at Roland Garros.

- The Frenchmen: There were three in the fourth round, but only one – Gael Monfils – advanced to the Quarter Finals. Richard Gasquet was defeated by Djokovic and Gilles Simon by Soderling. But the point is that Gasquet and Simon are so yummilicious. That slender physique, that tousled mop of hair. One of them is likely gay (whichever one doesn’t matter, they’re French). Still, the prettiest things on this orange court, hands down.

- The Americans: Mardy Fish was out in the third round and I don’t know what happened to Andy Roddick, the man with the most powerful serve in the world. He’s married to Brooklyn Decker – a mega-hot Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Maybe that’s why he disappeared? The Bryan twin is the reigning world no. 1 in Men’s doubles though. We’ll have to settle for that.