http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEWVwgDnuzE

Haven’t you heard? Youtube is going nuts for this adorably bro-y rendition of Call Me Maybe. This reminds us of that time the Princeton swim team did Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream. We are secretly hoping that this becomes a trend and that other athletic teams will soon hop on-board.

Follow the jump to see the British diving team lip-synching and cartwheeling to Sexy and I Know It. Can you say abs?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bws52wtv6Ts

For afflicted women: you’re a lot better off than shy men, for starters. Shyness in women plays well to old notions of gender roles that die hard, so unlike men, taking advantage of your own shyness is an effective option. Overcoming it outright is a bit harder but also works very well, and is more empowering in the long run.

One important step in breaking the shyness logjam is to stop dwelling so much on others’ reactions. Recognize that you’re never going to be able to perfectly interpret nonverbal cues – no one can. Rapt attention to others’ nonverbal cues often leaves you not focusing enough on your own nonverbal cues. So instead of trying to detect hairsplitting subtlety, you’re much better off focusing your effort on getting others to give you obvious signs of their interest. And you do that by amping up the attraction.

You can use shyness to your advantage by playing up femininity. It works because guys find it attractive in and of itself, and it strongly contrasts guys’ masculinity, which can even make even shy guys feel comfortable (and therefore less shy). To do this, you first need to make sure that the passive ingredients to your attractiveness are the best they can be. This includes obvious things like dressing to flatter your body type, an appropriate hairstyle, and simple makeup. It also includes less obvious things like posture, hygiene, tone of voice, and so on. I go into these things in a lot more detail in this post. Then, you just need to be visible. One of the best ways for naturally shy women to express interest is simple eye contact. That single, simple step is easily manageable despite shyness, and is very effective. Your shyness won’t hold you back in conversation, because (thanks to ingrained gender roles) your bashfulness at worst won’t hurt you and at best can be very endearing.

Overcoming shyness works much as it does for guys: knowing that you’re doing something right gives you the confidence to continue doing it right, which will give you results, but the reason it works is a little different. For guys, confidence itself makes them seem more attractive; for women, confidence allows you to cast a wider net by being comfortable entering new social environments and approach specific individuals you find interesting. So, how to do it? In time you may find that using your shyness to your advantage will give you the confidence to overcome it naturally. Something else which will help you is improving your ability with smalltalk, which has wide applications outside of relationships; I became comfortable with smalltalk by reading a self-help book, but there are many paths to improving this skill. The essence of smalltalk is to have a conversation that the other party finds enjoyable and engaging. To that end, asking questions and listening well are more important than being confident talking about yourself, which if you’re shy makes mastering smalltalk easier than it might seem.

For guys interested in shy girls: Simply put, be obvious. Just kiss her already, dumbass. It can be scary, especially for shy guys, to just dive in, but diving in is infinitely better than endlessly circling and waiting for the perfect sign or moment – for much the same reason I gave above for women. There is no special approach to shy girls that is distinct from any other girls.

Special thanks to Matthew Kaiser and Marc Shell for reasons totally independent of this article. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.

If they did, then maybe this past week, good ol’ Harvard wouldn’t have topped the Princeton Review’s list of the Top 10 Dream Colleges. We reclaimed our golden spot from Stanford, who took last year’s prize for the most-fawned-over. Other schools making the list include Princeton, Yale, MIT and NYU.

So, despite the travesty of only a second-rate hip hop group coming to perform at our annual festival and the continued absence of hot breakfast, people still think Harvard’s a pretty awesome place to be. Quit your whining, folks.

Yes, we miss it, too. But shut up.

(Photo credit: temeculakoreanbbq.com.)

Friends with Detriments by xkcd.

For afflicted guys: there are basically two kinds of you: the kind that will hang out with a girl you’re interested in, doing her favors in the (possibly subconscious) hope that friendship will eventually turn romantic; and the kind that is too shy to do anything other than admire from a distance, wondering if the object of your affections even knows you exist. And there’s a lot of overlap between them.

I used to be one of these guys. I was not motivated to change myself, either, because I’ve always been both relentlessly optimistic and very good at accepting defeat. I grew some confidence accidentally, by reading a self-help book on smalltalk, without any agenda in mind, and applying it to non-romantic things in my life. Grasping social success for the first time gave me confidence, which made me more willing to take risks. That’s ultimately the goal, because being more willing to take those ordinary social risks helps make them less risky. What shy guys are afraid of usually isn’t actually rejection itself, but the self-imposed shame and embarrassment of rejection, and overcoming that makes you come across as more attractive and therefore less likely to be rejected in the first place.

Specific techniques can give you confidence by knowing that you’re doing something right, and seeing the positive results builds a virtuous cycle of social confidence. I’ve written about these techniques before so I won’t reproduce them at length here; try them!

For girls interested in shy guys: do not wait for the guy to take the lead. If you’re interested, express interest. Do not be subtle; shy guys will over-analyze subtlety and become paralyzed not knowing what you meant. Be overt. For instance, walk up to him, give him a lingering kiss on the cheek, and tell him to get coffee with you. It’s bold, it’s unambiguous, and still romantic!

Don’t expect the shyness to go away after your first interaction – you will probably have to continue to make important first moves. Once you’ve done something first, he’ll be less shy about the same thing on subsequent occasions (asking out, making out, having sex). Once you have a budding relationship you can talk to him openly and honestly about his being able to take the lead – if he hears it explicitly from you, and knows in advance the sort of circumstances under which you’ll shut him down, he’ll feel more confident.

Stay tuned next time for Overcoming Shyness for women!

Special thanks to Leil Lowndes, HRG&SP, and Ben Nelson’s address book. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.

Real live palm trees!

I am a junior in college and Spring Break 2012 marks the first time that I have ever traveled west of New York State. Before you judge me, though, know that I go all or nothing. As in, for my first trip west, I went all the way to California (and I am SO sorry to anyone who makes that plane trip regularly. Six hours is a long time to sit). To Santa Monica, actually, which is apparently one of the most beautiful cities in America. Not that I’ve seen a whole lot of other cities, but this is what people tell me. Anyway, spring break in Cali…Woooo! Wouldn’t you know that it was warmer in Cambridge than in Santa Monica for EVERY SINGLE DAY that I was out there for break. Hrmpf.

zomg it's the circus.

But whatever, the point is that I was in the illustrious California for the first time ever and that was awesome sauce just on its own. I have to assume that I stuck out as an east-coaster, though, based on my total lack of understanding of, well, basically anything out there. The west coast is not part of the United States (as I know it). It’s another planet. Here are a few gems that stuck out about the Santa Monica/LA/Beverly Hills area:

1. Everybody jogs. Like seriously, everyone. And at all hours of the day. I was also out there on the day of the LA Marathon and I’ve never felt like such a slug as when I was surrounded by a horde of super-fit people wearing “I finished the marathon!” capes and grinning like over-exercised labradors.
2. Everyone has a tiny dog. Sometimes, people carry them in purses. I thought that only movie stars and Paris Hilton (yes, that’s two different categories) did that.
3. All of the women are blonde, tall, and skinny. All of the men are burly, tan, and dashing. Not a single person “could use some sun.”
4. Ladies will wear Uggs in sixty-degree weather. Apparently, that’s “cold.”
5. Parking doesn’t make any sense. 50% of parking is in expensive garages/lots, 40% is valet, and the other 10% consists of meters that are never empty anyway.
6. California really likes frozen yogurt. I thought Harvard Square was cool because we have 2 vendors, but Santa Monica sort of beat us out on that one. Smoothies, too.
7. Everyone is really cheery. Apparently growing up where the sun shines constantly will do that for you.
8.  –>
   

   California goes hardcore on the seaweed.

West-coasters, what was your first impression of Cambridge/the east coast? Did you feel as out of place as I felt going the other way?

Sources confirm that the third act will be a student band decided after a “battle of the bands”-esque contest.

If you don’t know who Das Racist is, we would suggest you get acquainted because they are awesome and they are going to be at Yardfest this year.

This is one of their classics:

We wonder who else will be there?

The Crimson’s annual selection of “15 Hottest Freshmen” is an annual target of ridicule and mockery by the bored blogosphere. (Hey, we don’t call it “Harvard hot” for no reason!) While Boston, the place we call “home” and our stock reply to the question: “Where do you go to school?,” doesn’t fare any better. Last year, GQ Magazine named Boston the worst dressed city in America, calling it the country’s “Bad-Taste Storm Sewer: all the worst fashion ideas from across the country flow there, stagnate, and putrefy.” Cambridge also earned a (dis)honorable mention as the “modest little burg” where “everyone dresses like the proprietor of his or her very own meth lab.” Ouch. (But are we really surprised?)

(Mr. John B. Thompson of GQ, if you happen to be reading this, we’d love to meet you. Major hearts.)

This coming week, Harvard’s fashion-related student organizations have teamed up to organize the first ever Harvard Fashion Week. The purpose, evidently, is beautifying the campus and changing the perception that the typical Harvard male spends most of his collegiate career in sweats as his female counterpart prances around in leggings-as-pants, a Northface, and Uggs.

Follow the jump for the listing of events of Harvard Fashion Week, sponsored by Eleganza2012, Identities 2012, the Vestis Council, and the South Asian Association.

Wednesday, March 21st | Identities: Showing of “The September Issue” in Harvard Hall 201 @ 7:30pm

Thursday, March 22nd | Vestis Council: Blog Relaunch Party in Adams UCR @ 9pm

Friday, March 23rd | SAA’s Andaaz: A South Asian Fashion Show in Cabot Theater @ 8pm

Saturday, March 24th | Eleganza: Rent the Runway Trunk Show in Adams UCR @ 2pm

You should go to at least one of these, if not for the free drinks, then for the opportunity to hang out with the hot people of Harvard. See, we didn’t even put that in quotation marks.

What if you realize that you want someone, but someone else had gotten there first? How do you steal someone else’s boyfriend?

In a nutshell: you don’t. You move on.

You might think I’m saying so because it’s wrong to the third party who is currently dating the object of your affection. But that’s not actually the reason (although, needless to say, that is a good reason). I’m saying so because, if you want this guy, you need to be more attractive to him than the girl he’s seeing now, and trying to break up his current relationship will make you look desperate and unattractive: while you might succeed in ruining his relationship, you won’t be able to hold onto him afterward.

The better strategy is to move on. Look for other people. Have a good time. Be as attractive as you can be. But stay close and visible to this guy.

There are multiple benefits:

Most obviously, if this guy becomes single again, you’ll be obviously present, available, and attractive, and therefore ideally positioned – and this works especially well because in this scenario he’s the one who chooses you, which will create a relationship with more staying power than if you were jumping through hoops and making a huge effort to win him over from someone else.

Another benefit is, you might get over him. That may seem like a “lose” situation from your perspective right now, but think of why it might happen and you’ll see in those circumstances it would be a win: You might discover something about him that causes you to lose interest (maybe in time some less attractive parts of his personality will have a chance to surface – if that happens while he’s dating someone else then you’ll have learned something without having to go through it personally), you might grow to find other types of people more attractive (we all change over time; if this were to happen, this way it would happen without hurting him or trapping you), or you might meet someone better.

And perhaps most importantly, moving on also prevents your life from stalling. If you put all of your effort into prying this guy loose from his current girlfriend, you’re stuck until it happens, and have wasted a whole lot of time if it never does; and even if that does work, the relationship is likely to be short-lived – really a lose-lose situation. By moving on, your time and energy are spent usefully regardless of whether he comes after you in the end or not – which is really a win-win.

Hope that helps you. Have a great spring break!

Special Thanks to the wonderful women of the International Women’s Forum. Congratulations to Some Dude’s girlfriend on finishing her thesis! Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.

I’m a straight senior guy. In your post-college dating post a couple weeks ago, you suggested post-college activities such as dance classes, community theater, etc. Now, nothing of that sort really grabs me and I totally can’t stomach the thought of doing them just to gain more exposure to girls. I will be too career-focused to actively pursue new girls after I graduate. There is a super hot girl I’m interested in in one of my classes. Any strategies for generating fast results before this semester ends?

Worrying about “fast results” is a trap that will probably undercut you – don’t rush. If you’re worried about timing, just avoid spinning your wheels. I wrote a post a while back about first dates; I think all of my suggestions in that would apply to you well and keep you from unnecessarily stalling. And here are some other relevant posts: dating a senior and everyone has time. If what you want is a relationship that will last beyond graduation, work on building a strong emotional bond: if she feels very strongly about you, she’ll want to either follow you after graduation or encourage you to follow her. With a bit of luck, it’s quite possible to build a relationship to that point in only a matter of months.

While luck plays a role in creating a strong relationship in the first place, keeping it going will always take effort, and no amount of luck will make up for it. If you’re going to be exclusively laser-focused on your career, or won’t compromise your preferred activities (e.g., going to an art gallery if your girlfriend wants you to take her), no amount of good planning at the onset is going to help you in the long term, particularly to hold the attention of the caliber of woman you’re looking for. It requires effort – not just the effort of gestures but the effort of changing yourself for someone else.

That doesn’t mean you need to become a kiss-ass – that doesn’t work either; but if you can’t stomach the thought of taking up a new activity to meet someone, will you be willing to do things you don’t like just to humor her once you have met her? Bottom line, if what you’re doing now isn’t working for you, you’re probably going to have to break out of your comfort zone sooner or later, and breaking out sooner will help you more. A stable romantic relationship makes us much happier than money can, so there’s definitely a serious payoff in quality of life if you change priorities.

I know that’s probably not exactly what you’re hoping to hear, but I hope it helps!

Special Thanks to J.J., John, Kuf, and Community. Good luck to Some Dude’s girlfriend on her Psych midterm! Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.

This, however, is just a couple of disclaimers. I’ve occasionally gotten criticism, most recently from ivyfed, that misinterprets my beliefs and motives. It occurs to me I should have codified these a long time ago, and it was perhaps foolish of me to think they were so obvious they didn’t need to be said. Here they are:

GLBTQ Relationships. Whenever I write “men” or “women” (or “guys,” “girls,” etc.), I mean straight men and straight women – which is usually clear from context. So, I write “men” and “women” as opposed to “straight men” and “straight women” because it would be cumbersome to clarify every time.

I have no hostility to or judgment against people who don’t identify as straight. I wish I knew how to advise those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, queer, or otherwise, but I just don’t have enough experience observing what works and what doesn’t. Since I believe that straight men and straight women are different from each other (a subject I’ll go into in greater depth below), I don’t think that my advice is generic enough that it can be readily adapted to GLBTQ relationships by changing pronouns. Incidentally, I welcome anyone who feels they do have sufficient understanding of LGBTQ relationships to write a guest post about them!

Feminism and Equality. Men and women tend to be different. This basic belief underlies my whole understanding of relationships. To me, it’s self-evident that there are differences between men and women: most men are attracted only to women, and most women are attracted only to men; they usually experience attraction for different reasons; they often have different aesthetic tastes and preferences; they tend to have different personalities, and so on.

To avoid this being stretched too far though, I do not mean to imply that men and women are unequal or have different potentials. Nor do I mean to imply that all women are the same and all men are the same. Their differences are neither binary nor exclusive; individuals fall on a continuum between extremes. Some straight men are more feminine (for lack of a better word) than some straight women, and vice versa.

So if the differences are so variable and individual, why do they matter? The differences are relevant in relative terms, not absolute terms: for any given pair of one man and one woman where at least one is attracted to the other, the man is hugely likely to be more masculine than the woman, and the woman is hugely likely to be more feminine than the man. It’s a practical consideration, and not intended as a judgment on my part. I don’t represent that these differences between men and women are either genetic or social in origin; for my purposes, where the differences originate doesn’t matter, only that the differences exist.

Some women – including my own girlfriend – have criticized me for reinforcing traditional gender roles in my advice. They have a point. I’m socially pretty liberal, but when someone asks for my help, my advice is predicated on the world as it is, not the world as I wish it were. A world of true equality would require that we actually change who we’re attracted to and why, which are involuntary choices with complex causes. I won’t impose a specific ideological vision, however much I might agree with it or how obviously advantageous it would be to society as a whole, if pursuing it doesn’t help resolve the immediate situation of the person asking me for advice.

Good Advice. Sometimes I get questions from fairly sleazy-sounding people seeking unethical shortcuts. Sometimes other readers criticize me for not castigating the people who ask such questions. But I think advice isn’t good advice unless it is framed in a way that makes the intended recipient want to follow it. Filling this column with righteous rage might make me or other readers feel good, but doesn’t actually do anything or help anyone. So I soften my response and frame it in a way that I think will be persuasive and make sense within the worldview of the person who asked.

Special thanks to Jasmine Miller and Some Dude’s girlfriend. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.