Follow these tips for '80s flair and you can be a boy toy too. Minus the making out with Britney thing.

Hand it to Leverett to make gyrating in a throng of sweaty freshmen a serious, sartorial affair. Advertised as one of the biggest Lev events of the year, HoCo co-chair Isaac Martinez ’10 advises people to dress up for its annual ’80s Dance and “expect a lot more enthusiasm.” Those looking to make a noice neon impression this weekend should take note of the following fashion pointers that’ll even make Madonna in her “Like a Virgin”-and-pointy-breasts era salivate.

Sweatbands. Remember all those Richard Simmons workout videos from two decades ago? It was tacky, it was tasteless, and it serves as the perfect example of how your outfit should center around your hair accessory on Saturday night, not to mention that it should prove useful for wiping off the sweat you will rub off from the guy in the pink tights, leading us to…
Bright spandex. And by bright, we mean fucking radioactive rainbow. Bolder is better. We don’t know if we can find anymore alliterative phrases to drive this point deeper into the ground. Oh, wait–glaring garishness.
Hair that’s been battered and bullied. Can’t go wrong with teasing the crap out of your hair. Unless, of course, you’re Carrot-Top, in which case, touché–you’ve killed two birds with one stone.
Big glasses. Hey, you’re at Harvard; shouldn’t be too hard to find a pair lying around.
Consider a celebrity costume. Michael Jackson, pre-child molestation allegations. Madonna, pre-pre-divorce. Cyndi Lauper, pre…. well, in general. Go all out, and you might just find the Harry to your Sally on the dance floor.
Anything from American Apparel. Extra brownie points to whoever dons only the unitard.
Refer to the hipster sitting right next to you in lecture. Enough said.

Also, props goes out to Lev HoCo for a music video remake of the ’80s hit Jessie’s Girl, complete with procreating bunny. See the video and event details after the jump.

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As if Harvard doesn’t provide enough material for pop culture to crap on, the Gates incident over the summer will probably supply enough to meet satirical demand infinitely. The new NBC Office-inspired sitcom Parks and Recreation recently spoofed the arrest of the African American Studies professor, opting to portray an Asian perspective instead when Tom Haverford comes under suspicion for breaking into a van and is asked to “jimmy” his way out, to which he responds appropriately:

I’ll step out of your momma’s van.

So… when’s the beer summit episode going to air? Watch the comedic gold here.

Hello, world.

Sure, Harvard’s still working on picking its broke ass off the floor, but as a cutting-edge research university, some expectations that it’ll keep updating according to the internet’s modern standards remain despite a total endowment fail. But after browsing through some webpages affiliated with FAS, we… well, we really wish we hadn’t. Luckily, Noice did all the dirty work to save all the Harvard kiddies some cyber-aesthetic pain.

THE BEST

School of Engineering and Applied Sciences: This one’s a no-brainer, what with all the hackers that the SEAS has on demand. With an exhaustive menu on the homepage, the site lets any idiot find anything, anywhere from research opportunities for undergraduate research as well as a complete census of the school’s demographics (74% male–again, no surprise there). Take a peek at the course website of CS50, maybe the only undergraduate class that doesn’t use a crappy my.harvard iSite (and also the only course page that embedded an LOLcat applet last year).

Anthropology: Links to sweet interviews with awesome faculty! Cool header! Sans serif font! Very noice indeed.

Literature: Shocker, right? But entering the Lit site proves to be a candied orgasm for the eyes with rainbow books as the background (gay pride, anyone?). Not only that, the department proves it’s not just about lofty and obscure theory and academia, as shown by its extremely functional, minimalist menu on the bottom, linking visitors to the department’s degree requirements easily and its Ph.D. dissertations pompously. But after seeing the quality of the site, we’ll forgive them.

See the sites for sore eyes after the jump.

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Noice's alternative to soggy PB&Js at FlyBy.

Let’s face it–that line at Flyby down in freezing-cold Loker is never going to get shorter before 1pm, so it’s time to find new digs to refuel after Mankiw’s lecture on… whatever. (Not like anyone was listening.) Next time, venture into Café Gato Rojo, almost hidden between Grays and Matthews and nestled in a nook underneath Dudley House, for a quick cappuccino and for a nice respite from the lunchtime fury.

With a conscientious menu of fair-trade coffees, Gato Rojo also offers muffins, scones, and other baked goods made fresh daily. For those not inclined toward caffeine (to which we say “WTF”), a generous selection of bottled juices, loose teas, and other beverages are also available. Not only do they take Crimson Cash, but a small coffee only costs around a buck. Read more about the hipster invasion at Dudley’s premiere lunch spot after the jump.

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Instant gratification.

Quadlings who meander around Boylston Gate at midnight waiting for the shuttle will have no sympathy, but for the rest of Harvard, waiting for public transportation is a giant pain in the ass. Now there’s an iPhone app to take care of our impatience.

Cambridge’s own Sparkfish Creative recently made MassTransit, the iPhone version of the MBTA schedule, available for download. T, bus, ferry–all major Boston mass transportation systems are now just a tap away. The best part? No internet required, as the schedule itself is stored on the phone’s memory and only uses Wifi or 3G for updates.

Can someone say sweet?