by Henry Woodward-Fisher ‘12
December 2009 Issue

So, it’s Fall Exam Period 2009, freezing outside, you forgot to wear your sneakers and you’re now nursing Primal Scream induced frostbite and grazed knees. How will you get through the next week or so when Reading Period was such a disaster? You’re feeling especially out of shape after running around Harvard Yard in your birthday suit and you’ve still got a lot of BoardPlus and Crimson Cash to use up before the start of the holidays. What the hell is the blood-brain barrier anyhow? How on earth are you ever going to get through this new calendar?

ON PROCRASTINATION:

White Noise Generator – Just click on www.simplynoise.com to get the Internet’s purest and highest quality white noise (y’know the sound that TV makes when it’s not on a channel), it apparently aids sleep and helps block out other distractions.

LeechBlock – Go here for a Firefox extension that blocks websites (like Facebook, I Saw You Harvard, Twitter, etc.) that you might be tempted to visit repeatedly as you study.

MeeTimer – This Firefox add-on logs how much time you have spent on each site that you visit. It can give you pop-up reminders if you are spending too much time on procrastination web sites.

Things to avoid: Never, repeat, never go to meatspin.org or hippohippo.ytmnd.com – such things will only lead to unhappiness and awkward looks from others.

ON STUDYING:

Watch lectures faster! – Enounce allows you to play any video (read: lecture videos) at the speed that you like without any loss of audio quality (aka “no chipmunk sound”). You can watch your lectures up to 50% faster and still absorb the material.

Join/make a study group – Share the work and ease the pressure. You could even use Google Wave to collaborate on study guides!

Evernote – This handy note-taking program allows you to organize notes, lecture videos, pictures, and PowerPoint presentations. Clip parts of web sites; sync between computer, phone, online account; and search text in pictures.

Avoid library depression – We know it’s bad, but break up your studying into more manageable chunks and follow the aforementioned tips to help save yourself from slipping into the abyss. Of Lamont.

ON DAILY ROUTINE:

Wake up earlier. The most productive times of the day to learn new material and get stuff done are early in the morning and just before you go to bed. Why not get up two or three hours earlier and take the evening off?

Eat apples. It keeps the doctor away and reportedly is better for waking you up in the morning than coffee. Other brain foods include fruit, nuts and Ranger Cookies (of course).

Do exercise. It may be getting dark at a ridiculously early hour, but 30 minutes running along the Charles will really set you up for a productive day of work. Get those endorphins going and reinforce those reward pathways!

Do have free time. Set time aside for things that you actually derive pleasure from – brew fresh free-leaf tea, get a haircut, play that guitar, practice for the spring semester 2010’s Female Orgasm seminar, etc.

Introducing LE WHIF, the product of the tireless of work of Harvard Professor David Edwards and his team of students. Edwards writes: “Over the centuries we’ve been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we’ve helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.” All sounds very odd to us, but here goes!

The small lipstick sized plastic container fits comfortably in the hand and is very light. Pull it out, raise it to the lips and inhale! Suddenly a rush of the most delicious chocolate flavor as thousands of aerosol chocolate particles burst onto the tongue. LE WHIF comes in three awesome flavors (Noice loves them all very, very much): Dark (rich, creamy tasting) Chocolate, Mint Chocolate, and Raspberry Chocolate. Each LE WHIF is worth three or four shots (or whiffs?!) of chocolate heavenly-ness and, whilst you’re not enjoying the instant chocolate satisfaction, you can simply click it shut and pop it back into your manbag, purse, or pocket.

LE WHIF is doing the rounds in many of the upperclassmen houses so keep a look out and tell your friends. However, more importantly, come along to the Grand Opening of The Laboratory this Sunday 8th in the late afternoon and witness an incredible (and sometimes chocolaty) collision of art and science. Buy those tickets!

(If you’re interested in learning more about LE WHIF and the other amazing products by this group just go to www.lewhif.com and www.thelaboratory.harvard.edu)

Photos courtesy of www.lewhif.com

What a sour puss. Get it? Aww.

Occasionally our inner nerds (aka “innerds“) get so excited over a class that we feel everyone must know about it. Presenting “A Slice of Class” in which we highlight a particularly revelatory/exciting/OMG/WTF class or section:

It’s not every science section at Harvard that has one class entirely dedicated to eating lemon wedges, Oreos, strawberries, goat’s cheese, and to drinking vinegar. However, this was exactly what this went on in section this afternoon for Science of Living Systems 11 “The Molecules of Life”. Read more about how after the jump.

The Miracle Berry, a West African fruit, finds it name from the astounding effects of a protein called miraculin contained within the tart and cranberry-like fruit. After eating the Miracle Berry, or the concentrated, freeze-dried pill form as eaten today, foods that are ordinarily very sour are miraculously rendered sweet. Very sweet!

The lemon wedges tasted like the most delicious and refreshing candy ever. The vinegar took on a taste similar to concentrated apple juice on the tongue, but on the throat it was clearly vinegar. The strawberries

It’s important to note that the effects of the Miracle Berry are contained largely to foods that are sour, rendering them sweet. In addition the composition of the foods is not altered, but rather our taste-buds are affected by the miraculin protein creating this Wonka-esque flavor!

Tasting parties or “Food Orgies” are held regularly in cities like New York, but why not host your own party and perhaps mix it is up a bit – what would dry wine or sour shots taste like under the influence? You can buy fresh Miracle Berries online, or the freeze-dried packet version from Japan (see image).

In-your-face vegan food. Mmhmm.

Snowballs from hell?

Half-assed chili?

Broke-ass cinnamon rolls?

Butt ugly sticky buns?!

Don’t be alarmed. It’s PETA’s Vegan College Cookbook!

Noice was at the COOP Tuesday evening to taste, prod, and scratch our heads at a veritable smorgasbord of PETA-blessed vegan food aimed at the average college bro, nerd, Harvard student, etc.

To entice us to buy, a selection of dishes from the cookbook — microwave-baked “Beer Bread,” vegan shepard’s pie and a selection of salads — were all on offer.

Our verdict? The beer bread was edible, but not my first choice of call when it comes to baked goods. Salads were salads, and the shepard’s pie was stone cold.

Noice gets the very strong feeling that a board room of PETA execs sat down and, in an attempt to solve the problem of how to recruit cool young things like us to join the animal rights movement, pulled together a cookbook that attempted to demonstrate how viable it is to become vegan.

Sadly, all they came up with was this:

How appetizing.

• Vegan Grilled Cheese: Substitute vegan cheese. Sandwich it between slices of bread. Grill.
• Yogurt Parfait: Layer soy yogurt and berries.
• BLT: Vegan bacon, lettuce, and tomato.

Can you say “duh”? If you need a cookbook to learn how to make a grilled cheese, then you don’t belong in college. Perhaps this book should be called the Brain-dead’s Guide to Veganism.

Not only were the recipes lacking, but they had names that made us weep (from disgust, not amusement). For instance, “Breakup Pudding,” “Pimp My Ramen Noodles,” “Fake Blondes.”

Also, a tip to PETA: If you want to make veganism more accessible to college kids, don’t include ingredients like soy cheese and vegan chili. We’re on a budget. A trip to Whole Foods would wipe us out.

Oh, the things people will do for free food.

The verdict: Sorry, but this book isn’t gonna sell veganism to us, much less college veganism.

The tourist in question was obviously getting extremely over-excited about the colorful chairs — so he set about making his very own, erm, masterpiece with them. Noice thinks he was going after a Leaning Tower of Chairs/post-tornado statement. How profound.

Wtf?

This Noice blogger was walking back to Eliot from the Science Center and happened across this sorry sight.

I just had to snap it.

I heard the infant murmur that it had come too close to the Japanese school group last afternoon when they were taking photos at the John Harvard statue, so one of the teachers disemboweled him.

Poor thing.