Werkin' it.

Be it trying to clean the shame of that Saturday night out of upperclassmen bathroom for Dorm Crew or be it shelving books in Widener as you try desperately –for the love of God–not to see the naughty bits of those adventurous persons fulfilling the holy trinity of Harvardian activities, some of us are blessed enough to have jobs besides being a student.

And besides getting paid for mindless labor, sitting on your ass while you do your homework, or whatever perks your job may offer, we all know there are certain intangible and yet glorious qualities to being somebody’s bitch.

11:47 AM

I was supposed to be at work at 11:45. I just woke up. This is not class. The Box Office does not work on Harvard time. Oh well, might as well stop and get some breakfast if I’m going to be late anyway. 7-11 heartburn here I come. Sooo worth it.

12:04 PM

The Box Office is supposed to open at noon. My manager’s not even here yet. Figures.

1:34 PM

I cannot handle the patrons coming to purchase tickets. When I give you a map, do not tell me that you will cherish it forever. When I tell you there is a discount for children under twelve, do not ask if that applies to midgets as well. By the way, correcting yourself to say dwarf does not make it any better. When I tell you how much it is, do not stare at me blankly and pretend I was going to give you tickets for free. These are the rules via which transactions work. In general, don’t be batshit. Read the rest of this entry »

Gregory N. Mankiw may be an entertaining (re: so pompous it’s funny) man, but his lecture is probably the last thing on the mind of those enterprising students who trudged through the rain to Sanders for today’s lecture. At the beginning of class, a bald bat-like man ran through lecture in a bright orange jumpsuit and attacked an unfortunate student toward the front row.

As a bemused Mankiw looked on, a doctor in lab coat rushed in seeking the bat boy, sedating syringe in hand. And we’ve got it all on vid.  Marginal cost of watching? That essay will probably suffer. Marginal revenue? Unbounded joy.

Want more? Check here. And make sure you go see Bat Boy playing December 4-11 in the NCT.

Ted Kaczynski before...

What is the “typical” Harvard alum? Smoking jacket, riding whip, and trophy wife on his arm. WASP extraordinaire. Money-grubbing power-hungry CEO. Hopeless academic. The list goes on as long as the line outside Heaven and Hell (that is before they shut it down).

But, in the spirit of Halloween, it’s important to be reminded that some graduates leave Harv to go on to lives spent not on filling their wallets or on aggrandizing their already-inflated egos, but rather on lengthening their rap sheet.

In which we discuss not-so-nice Harvard alums:

• Ted Kaczynski: Probably the most notorious of criminal crimson alums, Kaczynski unleashed terror and gained infamy by sending pipe bombs, segregating himself from humanity by living off-the-grid in Montana and writing his manifesto.
• Dr John White Webster: When George Parkman didn’t have the money he owed Webster, Webster killed him and hacked his body up in a laboratory at Harvard Medical. Police found portions of the body hidden all through the medical building, but some organs were never found. Read the rest of this entry »

Yeah. Squirrels are balla.

Happy October!

It’s the first day of a new month, a time to start over, to rejuvenate after the drag of psets and papers, awkward social encounters, and abundant HarvardFML submissions.  It’s a time to look ahead and be cheerful (even if midterms are coming up).

To get into the spirit of things, we here at Noice would like to draw your attention to some of the more exotic ways people celebrate the month of trick-or-treating, Head of the Charles, and apple cider.

Just for your information and personal enjoyment, October is also known as:

• Church Safety and Security Month: Because criminals exist everywhere, even in the pew behind you and as we learned from the robes, even your priest knows how to be naughty.
• Month of Free Thought: Take a page from Tom Cruise’s book and don’t be constrained by society’s rules. But we wouldn’t suggest doing so on your midterms.
• National Sarcastic Awareness Month: If you need help with this one, see any of the posts below.
• Sausage Month: For some of us, this means Oktoberfest. For the rest of us … well … no explanation necessary.
• Squirrel Awareness Month: Even though they’re scary and creepy, squirrels need some lovin’ too. (And for those of us in James Wood’s class, this will have especially deep significance.)

And finally, Noice would like to instate its own signification for October:

We hereby announce National Wei Gu Awareness Month because everybody needs a little crazy in their inbox.

Like most college students, we here at Noice like our fair share of partying. But, when taking a break from the grind to get down and dirty, we don’t want to have to be bothered by small tasks. Thankfully, a new delivery service has got us covered.

This guy needs a party. Badly.

30delivery, “Boston’s fastest late night no tip delivery service,” has all the ingredients for an epic night out. Just go to their website between 8pm and 3am, give them your name, address, and phone number, and wait for the party to arrive.

Although they don’t deliver alcohol, they do have Red Bull, Monster, Coke, and other mixers galore, and ice to try to take the sting out of Rubinoff. But 30delivery doesn’t want you to sit around and drink like this guy. So they’ve got red solo cups, ping pong balls, cigarettes, and playing cards to make even that overachieving kid from section party like a regular brosef.

All good drinking leads to mischievous behavior. 30delivery’s got you there, too! Condoms to play safe, toothpaste to keep making out fresh, and even dry cleaning to clean up those unseemly stains. After you’ve finished with your fun, they have Burger King, McDonalds, and Ben & Jerry’s for you to eat away your shame.

hen entering Leverett’s dining hall after an exhausting day of class, even the hungriest student will notice the garishly colorful mural hanging at the head of the hall above the fireplace, a notorious work of art known among all Leverites.

In 1990, Leverett House Masters John and Judith Dowling commissioned painter Jerald Webster to compose the mural, entitled “Coltrane.” The modern piece—composed of abstract shapes and lines of vibrant and divergent colors—acts as a wild and unfortunate contrast to the beautiful Georgian-style dining hall. The painting supposedly depicts a bird’s-eye view of Harvard Yard, and pays homage to the influences of famous jazz musician John Coltrane, whose music Webster listened to while he painted the piece. Webster originally painted three separate murals to allow house residents to choose their favorite, but over the years, the selected mural quickly fell out of favor among Leverett’s denizens.

Read the rest of this entry »