It's a love story, baby, just say yes?

Thanks to the Harvard Computer Society, every Valentine’s Day for the past decade and a half has featured Datamatch, a matchmaking service that will scientifically match you with the Harvardian of your dreams:

Datamatch uses painstakingly developed artificial intelligence computer algorithms and well-researched psychological profiles derived from years of aggregate data on the Harvard dating scene to find the perfect romantic match for you. Or, maybe, it’s done randomly.

We’re not going to tell you.

Either way, if you complete our questionnaire, our computer will generate a list of ten people, any of whom would be your perfect soulmate. Someone you’ll want to marry and have twenty children with. Someone to share that dream within a dream, your True Love. Or, at least, someone you’ll want to take out for a triple decaf espresso. Or something.

So what does Datamatch consider to be the most important indicators for future compatibility? Read the rest of this entry »

C-c-c-combo breaker!

Dance Dance Revolution was initially released in 1998 and has since basically been replaced first by Guitar Hero and eventually by Rock Band because, apparently, we Americans would much rather sit down and play pretend guitar than actually move our legs to double-time J-pop. However, the fact is that the fusion of endorphins and the Tetris effect of objects moving across a screen is still an intoxicating combo. And fortunately for those of us (read: people like me) who are pining for the days when we nerdily* spent hour stomping on arrows, we recently received this email:

Dance Dance Revolution Club Club

“Those who were seen dance-dancing were thought to be insane by those who
could not hear the music.” – Fictional Friedrich Nietzsche

Harvard University’s brand new DDR club meets for the first time this
Friday, and you’re invited–join us as we take part in the Japanese video
game sensation that has swept the world! All skill levels are welcome,
whether you’re a dancing master or can’t tell your up arrow from your down
arrow.

Friday, February 12th
7:30 pm – 9:00 pm
Sever 110

Tell all your friends, and email Avalon Owens at
aowens@college.harvard.edu with any questions.

Yeah, we’re pumped.

*And believe me, I mean “nerdily” as an awesome compliment.

Nooooo, how will I ever find another way to engage in a satisfying intellectual pursuit and procrastinate on my paper ALL AT THE SAME TIME?

At least, that’s the name of a recently created Facebook group that proves that at least 32 people besides me out of 7000 undergrads at Harvard have noticed that the Crimson has stopped printing crossword puzzles in their daily papers. I feel so vindicated knowing that I’m backed in my opinions by such an important part of the student population.

Says the Facebook group’s info page:

This is group has been formed to raise awareness of the Harvard Crimson’s choice to drop the crossword from the paper and try and bring back the Crimson crossword. We are just simple Harvard students from many different backgrounds, united by this shocking turn of events. Seriously, is it that hard to print a daily crossword?

Personally, at first I just assumed they were in a Thanksgiving week slump, but the continued failure of the existence of the daily crossword puzzle has gotten me a little worried. One day, they tried printing a word jumble, and now it’s just HUDS menus.  I mean, what a shocking testament to the decline of print media in our time.

Doesn't this image scream "executive producer"?

The CW, that inexhaustible source of dubiously acted teen dramas, has green-lighted HMS, a new medical drama about Harvard Medical School which is supposed to “put a younger twist on ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’” And! As if this description isn’t! Exciting! Enough! Hayden Panettiere of Heroes is signed on as a producer for the show.

So, what could they possibly include in this show? We’ve come up with a few plot ideas: Read the rest of this entry »

There are a frightening number of desktop wallpapers with her picture online.

Preity Zinta, a Bollywood actress, is planning to take a short executive course at the Harvard Business School.  Now, not being a huge Bollywood fan, I naturally have no idea who she is, but Wikipedia tells me she was in Kal Ho Naa Ho, which turns out to sound familiar because my half-Indian roommate has the movie.  Be excited, roommate.

Says the actress:

“Yes, I’m going to the Harvard Business School to study a short executive course in negotiating and deal-making. I thought that since I spend so much time in the US, I might as well use the experience better. I applied to Harvard and got accepted, so I’m quite kicked about going there next month.”

Personally, it occurs to me that maybe this isn’t the best time to be announcing that you studied at HBS, but more power to you, Preity Zinta.  After all, maybe all those jobless MBAs will appreciate you bringing some excessively bright and heavily choreographed dance numbers into their lives.

Reminder to Us Culturally Insensitive College Kids

When for Halloween
You dress like Pocahontas
A kitten will die.

Heaven and Hell

Orgo midterm done,
Sudden freedom means parties:
Let’s go to the Quad.

The Morning After

Halloween’s over
Hangovers and walks of shame–
Hello, Sunday brunch.

Those of you that overachieved in your grades last year may have received one of two fancy cream-colored letters in your house mailboxes this past week, as Dean Evelynn Hammonds and the Registrar Office delivered notifications to this year’s John Harvard and Harvard College Scholars.  What does that even mean, you ask?  Well, the letter doesn’t really provide any clues, although a blurb hidden deep in the now online-only student handbook reveals that they are meant respectively for the top 5% and top 6-10% of each class.

So, now that you know what these mysterious designations mean, you’re probably going to want to know how it’s going to benefit you.  To find the answer, we went through one of the Harvard College Scholarship letters and translated the Harvard-ese into a more practical form: Read the rest of this entry »