Got a relationship question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com, and watch this space for my answer! T.B. asks,

I’m a male graduating senior, girlfriendless, and freaking out that after Harvard, the dating pool is gonna shrink faster than a water balloon thrown at a bed of nails. Now, the clever bit: I am only really interested in Harvard girls — and maybe actresses but that’s another story — picky and vain, but it’s who I am. I’m running out of time and all the hot girls have boyfriends! Can you give me hope?

I can indeed, T.B.

First, you needn’t worry too much: there is indeed an after-college dating world, and it is awesome. It seems scary because there won’t be so many single women your age all living within the same square mile you do, but it’s really not any harder to meet them.

Another thing playing in your favor: as men continue to mature emotionally through their 20s and beyond, they tend to become more desirable – this is because personality tends to affect women’s attraction to men more than vice versa. Since you’re so particular about your tastes in women, that will help you as you get older.

You’re right in your observation that the most desirable girls tend to have boyfriends, but clearly not all of them do, although those that are single tend not to stay single long. But as Randy Munroe helpfully articulated, you have more time — a lot more time — than you think.

Of course, meeting the girl you want can be a challenge: most environments where single women might go for the purpose of meeting men will have a lot of single men competing for them (e.g., bars). And in such environments where singles are actively mixing with other singles, the most in-demand ones are more likely to be defensive. So looking in environments like that can actually be quite counterproductive.

Instead, I recommend you look for an environment where you have little or no competition – the idea being, if you’re the only (or clearly the most desirable) single guy in the place, it doesn’t matter if many of the women aren’t single, or if some of those that are single aren’t the type you’re looking for, because when you have no competition you can approach only the ones you’re interested in. You get first pick.

So, where are these places? It’s interesting you should mention actresses specifically, because theater is my go-to example for this: of those involved in student theater, girls usually outnumber guys, and a disproportionate number of the guys are usually gay, which makes getting involved in student theater as a single straight guy a great strategy for meeting someone. Common Casting has already passed you by this semester, but you would be a welcome additional hand on shows’ load-in and strike days, which can be a great bonding experience for all involved. And even after you’ve graduated, wherever you end up, similar activities are good places to look: dance classes, art galleries, community theater, and so on. And all of those can be done for free.

I know you’re specifically fixated on Harvard girls, but if what you’re looking for in that label are brains and prestige, once you’re out and about in the real world you’ll find that Harvard doesn’t have a monopoly. If you’re still set on Harvard girls though, you should stay local and remain involved in the campus social scene.

More important than all of the above, if you’re afraid you’re running out of time you’re probably going to come off as desperate or sleazy, which usually doesn’t go over well with the ladies. If you’re less worried that you’ll eventually find the right girl, you’re more likely to meet her in the first place and make the right impression when you do.

Hope that helps! Cheers!

Special Thanks to K.V., M.G., E.W., and Alexandra Petri‘s sense of humor. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.