Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! Got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com, and watch this space for my answer! 463 writes,

There’s this guy I’ve liked since the end of fall semester. My friends think I could do better, and they have made it clear that they think he is too nerdy and not attractive enough for me. But I like him. Is this something where I should just go on how I feel and see if a relationship can happen, or is this a case where my friends’ opinion is important enough that I should look around for someone else?

There are always going to be people who tell you that you can do better – and people who tell you that you should lower your standards, for that matter. Frankly, it’s all meaningless, because attraction isn’t a choice. What matters in a relationship is that you find each other attractive. So your friends don’t find this guy attractive – so what? You can have a successful and fulfilling relationship regardless.

In practice, I think anyone can do better if they set their mind to it, but it takes time and energy, which isn’t worth doing if you’re already satisfied.

Let me caution you that as you gain experience, your taste in guys will probably change. And your significant other may or may not change with them. The person you’re attracted to now may leave you feeling unsatisfied somewhere down the road. That’s what your friends may be thinking. But that’s a crap reason for not getting together with someone you’re genuinely attracted to right now.

I say screw what your friends think and ask this guy out when you get back.

Special thanks to George R R Martin, whose writing is surprisingly just as explicit as HBO’s adaptation. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.