I think you hit the nail right on the head with how you framed your ultimate question: “Is there a way to position myself so that he will want to date me in the future?” That is exactly the right way to think about this.

Let’s be clear from the start: this guy may be a tough nut to crack. You may think your options are roughly (a) change his mind about dating, (b) continue to see him but not be emotionally attached, or (c) look elsewhere. I think that’s the wrong way to look at it though, because to make this work you’re going to do all three at once. Let’s examine the situation and see how that would work.

This grad student is interested in you, but I think his interest in you is currently friend-with-benefits-like. There’s been some build-up of attraction on his end already since last summer. The question now is what you do with it. And the biggest problem you have there is that you don’t see yourself as worthy of him, which is total nonsense.

Guys care much less about relative maturity than girls do, so this is an impediment on your end, not his. While obviously there are varying degrees of maturity, I think you exaggerate the difference between yourself and a grad student. Don’t sell yourself short; the gap is smaller than you think. Maturity is only knowing when and where you can be immature.

Also, your grad student is not too busy to be in a relationship. No one is. A few years ago I dated an older girl, who had graduated, had a real job, and drove a whole hour (one way) to spend nights with me twice a week. I had projects and papers and extracurriculars that kept me busy pretty much 24/7. But we made the time. You can always make the time. It’s never a question of ability, it’s a question of willingness. If you feel strongly enough about each other, choosing to make each other a priority isn’t a hard choice.

Of course, you’ll need for the grad student to feel strongly enough about you to make that choice for this to work, and this is the challenging part! I think the grad student sees you as more than just a random hookup, but I don’t think he knows or is even actively contemplating exactly what you mean to him. Nevertheless, you’re in a good position – you can shape exactly what you want him to think of you as. Your job right now is to put it in his mind that he wants to see more of you, and that he is pursuing you. How? Run! …But not so fast that you actually leave him behind.

Don’t be clingy – see him no more than once a week on average, and communicate with him no more than three times a week outside of that on average. I trust that you two know how to have a good time. While you’re with him, try turning up the attraction. Abstinence would be going too far, but be careful not to lay on the sex too heavily; if you have sex every single time you go over to his place (or he comes over to your dorm) he will increasingly see you as someone he has sex with, not someone he’s pursuing. That is, when you feel so inclined, reward his persistence at the end of a night. Don’t be so eager for it – even if you actually are. “That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly” – by making yourself a little harder to get you make him value you more.

Hope that helps! Let me know what happens!