Posted by Some Dude on February 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Hi all! You may know me as a prolific commenter on HarvardFML; this is my new and improved means of doling out relationship advice! Got a question you want to ask, or a situation you want thoughts and advice on? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and watch this space for my answer!
Today, though, is part two of a three-part series of posts on attraction. Here’s part one, if you missed it.
Men and women experience attraction for different reasons. Whether the difference is primarily social or biological in origin I won’t speculate on, but ultimately it doesn’t matter because the differences are impossible to ignore. Today I will tackle how to attract men.
Attraction in men is mostly a response to feminine sensory stimuli. Since you can tell how someone looks or sounds pretty much immediately, attraction in men tends to happen faster in men than in women, who rely more heavily on things like personality and sense of humor, which can only be detected over time.
There is a strategy for attracting men which works effectively and reliably whether you’re a supermodel or not. It’s a seduction of the senses, and this is how it works: First, get the guy’s attention. Then, hold the guy’s attention without overtly reciprocating. Whatever he seems to want, give less – it keeps him hoping for more, and the anticipation builds his attraction. High enough attraction overcomes everything else, so by building his attraction early, you don’t need to have a perfect personality or a perfect body.
Getting and holding a guy’s attention are done the same way. We’ll go through it one sense at a time.
Looking seductive: Looks do matter, obviously. Some people are lucky enough to have a head-start, but that’s all it is, a start, not a ceiling. There’s more to looks, and more ways to enhance them, than you might think. There’s clothing and cosmetics, but there’s also movement and posture. And just looking healthier will always help you.
The right clothing will make anyone look better. For instance, women with smaller busts bust look good with halter necklines. Talk to someone with a good eye and whose judgment you trust for advice. Don’t show too much skin – hint at the body underneath, but leave most of it to the imagination! That’s the point of the tease: be attractive without giving anything away. Being seductive is not the same thing as being slutty; slutty encourages men to think they can jump right to sex, but even if that’s what you’re looking for, the slutty approach doesn’t work for everyone. As I said before, strong enough attraction overcomes imperfections; if you short-circuit the tease by giving away the game early, you lose the advantage of building extra attraction before you show your imperfections. Slutty can work sometimes, but seduction works better.
Movement and posture are often overlooked in the shuffle to look good, which is a shame, because they’re much easier to change than body type. My best advice is to relax. Slow down. When you sit, it should look like you’ve gently draped yourself on the chair. When you walk, don’t be in a rush. Be inviting. Be poised. Be sultry. Mesmerize. Which actually ties in well with…
Sounding seductive: Again, relax. Slow down. If you have a chirpy voice, let it deepen a little. Again, be sultry. Mesmerize. Don’t rush to assure the guy that you’re nice, supportive, stable, caring, witty, smart, or knowledgeable - while personality does come into attraction, men will put up with flaws and shortcomings in that area in women whom they’re otherwise attracted to. Not that you should be mean-spirited and vacuous, just that you can take your time and not be in a rush to prove anything.
If making smalltalk makes you nervous, have a few broad, inclusive things you can talk about at the ready. I read the news every day, and that gives me stuff to talk about. (For example, “Did you hear what’s going on in Egypt?”) What you say isn’t nearly as important as how you say it.
Smelling seductive: fragrance is optional, but many men like it. It should be something clean, not heavy. Just the merest suggestion is enough – don’t overpower. And obviously, while perfume or scented shampoo is optional, deodorant is not.
Feeling seductive: Touch is a big attraction trigger for men. Use it, but use it sparingly. Remember what I said about the difference between slutty and seductive. The essence of the tease is to always, always leave the guy wanting more. The anticipation amplifies attraction. When you do use touch, don’t by shy: be deliberate, not fleeting.
Tasting seductive: Brush your teeth regularly. Shower regularly. And it’s a good idea to have some gum on you at all times, just in case. Be prepared.
And that’s it! I’ve seen this strategy work for lots of people in lots of situations – from walking into a room and starting something from nothing, to getting a guy to notice someone who’s been there all along, to refreshing a relationship that’s beginning to go stale. You can ease out of this strategy over time as a relationship is born and you no longer need it, and return to it whenever you think the attraction is flagging.
If you have any questions, or a specific situation where you want to apply it but aren’t sure how, email me and I’ll answer. Good luck! And stay tuned next time for: How to Attract Women.
Special thanks to Sarah Littlehale, Sarah Rodman, Anna Frappaolo, and phone tag with Bruce Georgian. Email Some Dude at email@example.com.