Caught in the last-minute formal date crunch? In case you’re interested in “sexy muscular arms and 6 pack abs” and “women [who] get hit on almost everywhere [they] go,” Cornell University, apparently with a small contingent of Harvard cohorts, has your back.

According to this post from the undergraduate life website collegeacb.com, individuals from Cornell, Harvard and Columbia are available as “secret escorts” (yay anonymity?) to events at the rate of $20 per hour. All you need to do is e-mail secretsatcornell@gmail.com to get your pick of girls – three of whom, according to the piece, are D cups, while the rest are in the “low B to C…range.” But the writers request only “[s]erious inquiries” to the account, so be sure not to flood this inbox unless you’re really looking for some action.

As the article comments, “Who says the Ivy League can’t be sexy?”.

But furrealz, why do this when The Voice can get you a formal date instead? Desperation, even in the midst of our deadly Cantabrigian winter/reading period/finals/formal time abyss, should never be in the cards.

Let The Voice match you up, so your formal experience doesn't end up like this one.