RelationshipsFML: Long Distance Relationships
Posted by Some Dude on October 1, 2010 at 10:29 am
As the new school year begins, a couple of relationship scenarios are coming up more than others. Here’s one of them, in the form of a HarvardFML post from about a month ago:
I’m going to Harvard this fall and my girlfriend is going to Yale. Barring the fact that everyone who finds out will probably ridicule this relationship, we’ll also be apart for four years. or more. FML
You probably have a notion that she’s the one, that it’ll be hard but that she’s worth it, and all that jazz – otherwise you wouldn’t even be trying. It’s not what you want to hear, but here it is: you’re not going to make it. Tons of high school couples think they’ll be the exception, the one that lasts. They’re not. You’re not, either. Worse than that, the long-distance relationship is going to drain you and keep you from living life at Harvard to its potential.
But I know you won’t listen to me when I say all of those things. I certainly wouldn’t in your position. So, in all hopelessness, here’s some practical long distance advice instead:
Guard against neediness, insecurity, and jealousy! She’ll have days when she doesn’t really want to talk to you, and you’ll worry that that’s the tip of the iceberg. Your need for renewed confirmation of her feelings for you will poison her feelings for you instead, so let her off-days pass unchallenged. Talk infrequently enough that you always have lots to say to each other. Leave her wanting to hear more by ending each communication while you’re ahead; don’t wait for it to get awkward when you run out of things to talk about. Don’t tell her “I love you” or “I miss you” just to hear her say it back to you. I hardly need to say “don’t cheat,” but cheaters rarely INTEND to cheat – it just happens. So, be careful about not putting yourself in situations where you’re likely to cheat. That means leave a drunken party if you start feeling tempted; don’t wait around to see what happens. Try to spend time with each other in person roughly every 1-2 months, and make that time a good balance between doing things that have built-in conversation and performing unspeakable sex acts on each other, because you need both. And don’t set yourself up for a fall by making commitments to a long-term plan on the blind faith that you will still be with her after college. When you live in the future, the present falls apart.
And, good luck!
Special thanks to my three long-distance exes, the Bothans who died to bring us this information, and the magic of Disney. Email Some Dude at somedude.harvardfml@gmail.com.
hey ladies, I think one of the reasons me and my fiance are doing well with our longdistance relationship is because we communicate though out the whole day. We use magicjack when he is home and skype to see each other and http://www.local011.com for cheap international calls. They definatly have the best prices… try these three methods and happy living ladies
[...] going after graduation, especially if the parties involved are geographically separated, is very difficult. To do it, you need to have no doubts and very strong commitment. It’s a high bar, so [...]
Hey! I just want to share my own little story. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. (6-13-09) We started dating the summer we got out of 8th grade. (yeah. we were extremely young.) But shortly after i had to move 2 hours away for personal reasons. We actually broke up after dating 3 weeks because of me moving, but we never seemed to stop talking and we still talked like we were together. So, eventually, we ended up getting back together and kept our anniversary date. I think we have potential to make it far. I see him just about every month or every 2 months. It’s hard, being so young and so committed, but there’s no one else in the world I’d rather be with. We have a lot of support coming from his mom, barely any from my mom and absolutely none from my dad. But i’m out to prove to everyone that long distance can work. Thank you for your advice, by the way. Sometimes we run out of things to say and it gets awkward and I hate those times. The best of luck to anyone else in long distance relationships.
[...] Without knowing more about your situation, I think you’re best off having an awesome summer and then cutting the cord. A long-distance relationship will drain you and keep you from living life at Harvard to its potential – and the same goes for her at her school. The chances that the relationship will survive the 2+ further years that you’ll be separated are so small as to be hardly worth the huge cost. One of my very first posts was on long distance relationships of this type – take a read. [...]