Photos courtesy of Voice staff writer Bonnie Cao

Immediate Gratification Players Performing

Wyclef & Rosa Rios (US Treasurer)

Wyclef & Kirkland Housemaster

SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH

FIRST OF ALL. ZOOLANDER 2. IT’S HAPPENING. I don’t know about you guys but when I heard this today I freaked out and immediately wanted to get a frap and go have a gas station oil fight. But to each their own.

Also, Canadians know how to celebrate a win. Too bad the Olympics might be punishing them for straight up busting out cigars and bubbly on the ice.

Speaking of the Olympics, a new London logo was just released and it’s REALLY GOOD. At least there are no subtle/strange undertones like the other one (it’s below the awesome one)…I mean, really look at it.

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Blocking is like swimming. For some, it happens easily and naturally–a few strokes and you’re afloat. For others, not so much. Arms flail, water is gulped…and then you drown and are MISERABLE AND DIE.

To avoid the latter situation, we’ve constructed for  you a brief guide to blocking.

1. Do not block with your significant other or would-be significant other. This is probably the one rule you should always abide by. DO NOT BREAK IT, seriously. Blocking with someone you may have feelings for could make things awkward later. You might be omg-so-in-love right now, but what happens after a bitter breakup? Transferring to another house is a pain in the rear, so avoid blockcest at all costs!

2. Do not block with The Drama Queen. Because drama will, undoubtedly, ensue. Um, especially if you’re a girl.

3. Brace yourself for eleventh-hour blocking drama. People will pull out or leave you blocking-groupless at the last minute, so be mentally prepared. It might be a good idea even to have backup plans–get ready to beg and plead to be let in on your second choice blocking group.

4. You’ll find that linking doesn’t really matter. Yeah, you’ll be in adjacent houses but the reality of seeing your linkmates all the time like you’re still biffles is unlikely. Sorry.

5. Enjoy River Run the night before Housing Day. It’ll help soothe the pain once you’re Quadded the next morning. (Or you’ll be too hangover or still drunk to soak in the reality of what just happened.) To ensure this doesn’t happen, construct the most badass sacrificial boat for the River Gods…sans firecrackers, unless you want the Cambridge Police and Fire Departments on your asses (CLASS OF 2012 FTW!).

“The Washington Post,” reports that Harvard University Law professor Laurence Tribe, who once hired Barack Obama as a research assistant, is now set to join the Justice Department with the aim of leading projects towards opening up greater legal access to the impoverished. Tribe is a well-known figure in the legal community: he has been before the Supreme Court 35 times, for example. We wish Tribe, who is now 68 years old and is a tenured professor at Harvard (since the age of 29) the best of luck!

Reading FM today one of our staff writers found this little gem:

In case you can’t read that little box quite right, here’s the actual text:
Two true things:
1. Thanks to the Class of 2013, visits to Stillman for alcohol-related issues have reached a historic high
2. The Class of 2013 is the most socioeconomically diverse class in Harvard’s history

Giving no context for these “two true things”, we wonder how FM will defend this. Don’t see what we mean? Publishing these “two true things” is not only totally irrelevant, but implies that the greater socioeconomic diversity at Harvard somehow explains the rise in alcoholism. Transitive property. Y’all are smart, you don’t need us to explain why this is super fucked up.

This weekend at Bright Hockey Center the Harvard Women’s Hockey team, now on a three game winning streak and recently having three of its players tapped to be on the All-ECAC team, will be taking on Princeton first this weekend at the best of three ECAC Hockey quarterfinal series. For the purposes of inspiration, Princeton is Soviet Russia:

This came through the Harvard interwebiversity wire today:

‘Hey Harvard!

Ever had a story you were itching to tell — whether it was yours or someone else’s, an old folktale or a spontaneous invention? Ever wished you had a group of people you could captivate with a story, and be captivated by in turn?  Now’s your chance- come to the Harvard Story Exchange! No equipment, credentials or comp required, just yourself, your voice, and the best yarn you’ve ever heard. Feel free to come by just to listen… although you may find yourself full of stories you never knew you had!

THIS EVENT IS BYOB (Be Your Own Bard)!

We’ll provide the room (and cookies). The stories will provide the magic.

Eliot Memorial Room (small dining hall), Friday March 5th, 7:30-8:30pm!

brought to you by the Harvard Diggers Society
working towards thriving public discourse and intellectual community at Harvard’

LOOKIN' SAGE

SO WHAT THAT MEANS IS PUT ON YOUR SAGACITY SNUGGIE AND GET OUT THERE AND TELL SOME STORIES. WE HAVE MANY. On a personal note, many of my best stories are related to the nighmarish summer camp I attended circa fourth grade with girls in my cabin who were most definitely possessed by demons and an overnight camping trip that involved the spilling of all water supplies and the stinging of a scorpion.

According to a recently released study by the Harvard Berkman Center for Internet and Society, Canada has been found to have the 25th slowest internet speeds out of the 30 countries that are members of the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD). Not only is it super slow, but it is also one of the most expensive internet systems in the world. SO CANADA YOU MIGHT HAVE THAT HEALTH CARE THING YOU BRAG ABOUT ALL THE TIME BUT WE, HERE IN AMERICA, CAN LOOK UP OUR SYMPTOMS MAD FAST ON WEB MD. BOOM BOOM POW.

Check out the Wall Street Journal’s super in-depth reading of how much Harvard students love to use their phones…but not for calling in the article “The Unused Cellphone App: ‘Calling’” Basically we are deciding the future of technology. Go team! If you have an iPhone we also have an app, did you know that? From the article:

‘”The Unofficial Guide to Life at Harvard” had been published by the Harvard Student Agencies for since the 1970s, but students didn’t want to carry a book when they wanted to find out where to get Chinese food, Mr. Yan says.

Last year, Mr. Yan and Mr. Bick released their first version of their iPhone application. The free guidebook has been downloaded about 2,500 times. Users can read about 900 different restaurants, cafes and other businesses in Cambridge and find deals offered by local merchants.

They won a $10,000 prize from an AT&T-sponsored competition and $2,500 from a Harvard competition. The Harvard Student Agencies, a student-run, non-profit that helped sponsor the Harvard competition, continues to provide aid and funding to the Rover group. Last summer, the team added Joy Ding, Cameron Spickert and Mr. Robb to work on improving the application and new projects.’

Power to the smart-phone y’all. And us. WSJ thinks we’re pretty cool?

When I realized what today was, my heart skipped a beat. NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY aka the day IHOP gives away a free short stack (3 pancakes) to anyone that enters their doors. Could it possibly be true? Could fluffy and syrupy goodness be mine for free? And to top it all off could I help a good cause in the process of feasting?

My roommate and I braved the bitter cold with thoughts of pancake and batter dancing in our heads. This year, IHOP picked the Children’s Miracle Network to support. So, after placing our pancake order we made a small donation to help save some of the millions of kids overcome with illness. This act makes us feel better about shoveling food into our mouth, after having already eaten a rather large dinner.

But with a wait of over an hour and being assigned ridiculous names (we were “Brad Pitt party of two”), the luke-warm, undercooked pancakes weren’t worth it. So I’m sorry, but even with the philanthropic goals in mind, IHOP’s free Pancake Day has nothing on Denny’s free grandslams (mmmm bacon bacon bacon).