by The Voice Staff
December Issue 2009

Primal Scream: it’s the weirdest yet most liberating Harvard tradition. The night before finals, students (both guys and gals) run around the Yard in their birthday suits (or bikinis and masks for those more hesitant of showing off their goodies).

This year, Primal Scream takes place this Friday, December 11th, at midnight. The Voice has compiled a guide for those who will participate in the run, whether it’s your first time or not.

1. Don’t bring a camera! Seriously, nothing screams “creeper” like bringing a camera to an event with a bunch of naked college folk with their ding-dongs and love lumps hanging out.

2. DO wear sneakers! The corners are icy, and slipping could be, well, disastrous.

3. Bring a buddy. Have a bud waiting with a robe/towel/bedsheet/pillow so you don’t have to push your way through the viewing crowds looking for your clothing with all your junk hanging out. That might have been fun when you were sprinting around the Yard with a bunch of other nudies – not so fun when it’s just you with a bunch of … not-nudies.

4. Get it over with. Do it as early on in your Harvard career as possible. In that way they will be less people that recognize you as you hurtle naked around the Yard. If you do it as a senior it’s basically social suicide (unless you have awesome abs, tattoos that you want to show off, or you’re just shameless).

5. Shave. It might be a good idea.

6. Get ready for some awkward conversations. One of your professors may see you. Or an Annenberg employee. Not that we have a firsthand experience or anything.

7. Don’t pull stunts. Like, don’t make a snow angel.. unless you want to catch pneumonia and fail your finals.

8. Beware of where your eyes roam! Don’t make eye contact, stare only ahead of you, and keep your eyes above shoulder level.

9. Be alert. If you see a girl or guy start to trip and eat asphalt, (it’s mean but…) be ready to hurdle them or you’ll go down with the ship.

10. For the gals: find ladyfriends. If you’re a lady, find some other girls to run with or find them in the crowd because guys are crazy assholes and they push. Also a skin-on-skin brush-up with an adjacent person will be less embarrassing this way.

11. Feel free to accessorize. You can keep it all off and go as as the good lord made ya. but feel to wear something special like a tiara or a piano-key tie.

12. Paint up, don’t suit up. If you’re going to paint your face or body use a non-toxic oil based face paint. Acrylic cracks on the skin and flakes as you run. Not attractive.

What do you think should be added to this list? Have you run Primal Scream before? How was it? Let us know in the comments!

Photos by Sasha Mironov ’13