Continuing our Diary of a… series. Inspired by Harvard FML.

October 3, 2009: Damn it. My roommate came back while I was in the shower again. Singing. Loudly. No, I’m not in any of the a capella groups. WHY THE EFF IS PARTY IN THE U.S.A. SO DAMN CATCHY. I want my testicles back. I feel like R. Kelly. She’s like 11. But…I just want to move my hips like yeah. I guess I never got the memo…

These bros dig Taylor Swift. Do you?

October 23, 2009: On my run today “Nobody’s Perfect,” came on and I got caught at a light and couldn’t cross—and not realizing how loud it was playing and how much I was bobbing my head, a little girl, about the age of 12….yeah definitely 12, laughed at me. She laughed at me. I’m just going to Hemenway and watching some Ultimate Fighting while I pump iron. Just after I finish running to “Best of Both Worlds.”

October 31, 2009: There is a girl here. At Heaven and Hell. And she is dressed as Miley Cyrus. Want. Want so bad.

November 9, 2009: Miley is in Boston tonight. At the Fleet Center. I might tell my roommates that I’m going to the gym and try to scalp tickets. I really…I just want to party in the U.S.A.

30 minutes later: I’m standing in the nosebleeds next to a five-party group of tweens. They know every word. I’m singing along with them. We are high-fiving. This is the best night of my life. I want a t-shirt.

2 hours later: Roommates will never know. They can’t.

November 12, 2009: Fuck, Taylor Swift has a new song out. It has 37 plays on my iTunes. I want to jump and fall with you Taylor. Quit dating that vampire and going for Jonas Brothers. I’m a laxbro. That’s more impressive. Also, I go to Harvard. Just, you know, come over…jump…then fall into me. It will work out. We can wake up in time for hot breakfast. I’ll serve you some eggs. I’m seeing the beginning of a beautiful relationship. We can just breathe together and talk about how much Joe Jonas is a douchebag and how Kevin is marrying a beautician and Nick never stops talking about his diabetes and I’m sure that gets annoying at family dinners. I’ll shine for you Taylor. And we can talk about fighting and kissing in the rain, and we can do that. It rains a lot here. It will start snowing soon, but we can modify the song for our purposes…I would even go after Kanye for you. And I wouldn’t let him finish; I would punch him in the face. That was your moment Taylor. Let’s go to a final club. Drinks on the Phoenix. Don’t make me call Lady GaGa.

Want to suggest a “Diary of a…” episode? Email thehvoice(at)gmail(dot)com.