In-your-face vegan food. Mmhmm.

Snowballs from hell?

Half-assed chili?

Broke-ass cinnamon rolls?

Butt ugly sticky buns?!

Don’t be alarmed. It’s PETA’s Vegan College Cookbook!

Noice was at the COOP Tuesday evening to taste, prod, and scratch our heads at a veritable smorgasbord of PETA-blessed vegan food aimed at the average college bro, nerd, Harvard student, etc.

To entice us to buy, a selection of dishes from the cookbook — microwave-baked “Beer Bread,” vegan shepard’s pie and a selection of salads — were all on offer.

Our verdict? The beer bread was edible, but not my first choice of call when it comes to baked goods. Salads were salads, and the shepard’s pie was stone cold.

Noice gets the very strong feeling that a board room of PETA execs sat down and, in an attempt to solve the problem of how to recruit cool young things like us to join the animal rights movement, pulled together a cookbook that attempted to demonstrate how viable it is to become vegan.

Sadly, all they came up with was this:

How appetizing.

• Vegan Grilled Cheese: Substitute vegan cheese. Sandwich it between slices of bread. Grill.
• Yogurt Parfait: Layer soy yogurt and berries.
• BLT: Vegan bacon, lettuce, and tomato.

Can you say “duh”? If you need a cookbook to learn how to make a grilled cheese, then you don’t belong in college. Perhaps this book should be called the Brain-dead’s Guide to Veganism.

Not only were the recipes lacking, but they had names that made us weep (from disgust, not amusement). For instance, “Breakup Pudding,” “Pimp My Ramen Noodles,” “Fake Blondes.”

Also, a tip to PETA: If you want to make veganism more accessible to college kids, don’t include ingredients like soy cheese and vegan chili. We’re on a budget. A trip to Whole Foods would wipe us out.

Oh, the things people will do for free food.

The verdict: Sorry, but this book isn’t gonna sell veganism to us, much less college veganism.