Halloween will be upon us in only two weeks, and if you’re anything like 95% of the people I’ve talked to in the last week, midterms and papers have frazzled you far beyond the point of thinking about things like costumes (or sleep, or joy and happiness…). To help you out, we’ve come up with a few ideas to help you out with costume design:

HUPD!

Option 1: HUPD

Pros: You get to practice your Bostonian accent.  Also, if you want to be that kind of cop, coffee and donuts are delicious.

Cons: 90% of your job is opening doors for people that are locked out.  The other 10% is standing around D-hall parties just in case the Pfoho 90s Dance turns into an angry mob.

Outfit necessity: Police badges and handcuffs.  Not that HUPD ever arrests anyone.  Also, Miami Vice glasses have nothing to do with HUPD, but they look cool.

Do you have what it takes to follow in the large, woman-hating footsteps of Larry Summers?

Option 2: Drew Faust

Pros: You can pretend to be in charge of the university.  Also, your last name is Faust.

Cons: You’ll lose 25% of your net worth, so to cut corners on your costume budget, you’ll have to give up breakfast and transportation.

Pro of the con: No freshman/sophomore/junior/senior fifteen.

Outfit necessity: Pull out your best pantsuit and pearls, ladies.

Cute shoes.

Option 3: John Harvard

Pros: Drunk guys will shine your shoes for you.

Cons: They won’t be using shoe shine.  Also, living a Puritan lifestyle when partying is hard.

Outfit necessity: Breeches, stockings, and those shoes with giant buckles.  This may be a bit hard to find.

Follow the leader! Courtesy of harv.unofficialtours.com.

Option 4: Tourist

Pros: You get to learn all about the Harvard experience!  And about how many library books we have!  And you can look into the rooms of all the Yard buildings!  I mean, can you believe people actually live here?

Cons: John Harvard’s foot is less lucky than you think, and you’ll be doomed to wander around trying to find Agassiz for all eternity.

Outfit necessity: The biggest, baddest camera you can find.

With apologies to those pre-meds that are nice, well-adjusted people. Yes, I know you exist.

Option 5: Pre-Med

Pros: Your parents will be proud.

Cons: How dare you even think of going out for Halloween?  You should be studying!

Outfit necessity: Lab coat, O-chem textbook, dark shadows under eyes.