Continuing Noice’s “Diary of A…” series. This is installment number two.

1:00 p.m. – Still have seven minutes before class starts. I show up on Harvard time because I can. Because I’m a sexy teacher. Because half the class is hott for teacher. Because I grade their papers and they undress me with their eyes.

1:07 p.m. – Yeah, that girl just swooned a little. Eye contact averted with her. Good class today. I’m feeling it. Let’s talk about sadomasochism shall we?

1:13 p.m. – Wow that girl just accidentally said “orgasm,” instead of “organism.” She has since gone to the bathroom. Can’t wait for her to come back.

1:17 p.m. – Oh, she came back. No need for any more blush today.

1:20 p.m. – Did someone seriously just ask me if I’ve ever experimented with this stuff? We’re reading “Venus of Furs,” this is not an episode of Maury. God, I look good today.

1:23 p.m. – Yeah, I told them I have. My evaluations are going to be so good this year.

1:34 p.m. – Okay, there are limits to this staring thing. That guy in the corner is so hung-over right now it’s hilarious. He better not puke on the floor. 1. That would mess with my good vibes 2. Shit’s gross.

1:38 p.m. – So only half the class actually did the reading and I’ve spent most of the time fielding pseudo-dodging-around-the-bush types of questions that concern my personal life. No, I do not have a swing in my apartment. No I have never been in a situation akin to that of the Vandersex scene in Eurotrip. Though…there was Natasha…

1:43 p.m. – Someone just said (and I quote), “I mean it’s like you know, when that thing happens, you know? Like…” Is this Harvard?

1:48 p.m. – Someone has since taken over the floor and they have been talking for five minutes. I don’t even know what they’re saying anymore. Lots of empty rhetoric in this room right now. Lots of it. Leaves a lot of open time for staring. Lots of staring. But also, there are people here that wanted to learn something today and they’re about to axe that kid in the face. Even I want to shut him up.

1:53 p.m. – He’s still talking. Still. Facepalm.

1:55 p.m. – I just interrupted him and now people love me even more. Someone just winked at me. Maybe in a few years Miley. Maybe. What’s that song again, “in about three years, holla at me Miley Cyrus.” That’s how I feel about this class.

2:00 p.m. – Bells are finally ringing. There are ALWAYS those few people that take at least another five extra minutes to put their folder in their backpacks. I see you. I SEE YOU. It’s time for my burrito damn it. Vanity only goes so far. There are more important things. Like Chipotle.