This morning around 12:00 a.m. EST, an announcement was made on HarvardFML. A message was posted which read,

I’ve realized that girls here are either uninteresting legacies/athletes/prep-schoolers or very, very unattractive. FML.

Now, this was a blow which could be tolerated. However, and ladies please prepare yourselves, a commenter named “mrcockblaster” agrees, stating, “word.” That’s right; “mrcockblaster” is disappointed with us, which leaves only one logical option:

TO CVS! Please ladies, before going out in public, at least try to make yourselves presentable to our (obviously) universally-hot male counterparts. Lipstick! Nail polish! Really, whatever we can do to hide our warthog likeness.

Now we may be some of the smartest young women in the country, but we really shouldn’t forget our place here. Perhaps you should revisit your admissions letter…

HARVARD COLLEGE OFFICE OF ADMISSIONS AND FINANCIAL AID
BYERLY HALL- 8 GARDEN STREET- CAMBRIDGE MASSACHUSETTS 02138

“Dear Ms. _________,

I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions and Financial Aid has voted to offer you a place in the Harvard Class of 2011 as campus scenery for our male students. Following an old Harvard tradition, a certificate of admission and a mini-skirt are enclosed. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements. We look forward to seeing (not hearing), you in the Fall.

And a final note on propriety: Yes, we do have the same demanding schedules, p-sets and practice hours as the men… but please! How are we ever supposed to snag a “Harvard Hottie” like “mrcockblaster” (posting comments on Harvard FML at midnight) if your hair is in a ponytail and you look sleep-deprived? We should really expect more from ourselves…

Artist’s best approximation of “mrcockblaster:”

Harvard girls are ugly. Word.